Young Writers Society

Hey Sarah!

Very inspirational piece. I just found a couple things I would change if it was me. In the second stanza, I would change "the beauty of the dewy morning rose," to "the beauty of a dewy morning rose". I think that just helps make it more clear as at first it took me a second to understand your meaning. And in the third stanza I would replace "more than the everyday life," to "more than a monotonous existence,". That's just my opinion, but I think it adds variety. Great job. Keep writing!

groganbabygirl

Hey! Great poem, love the theme! As someone who has struggled in the past with perseverance and the need to go on even when stuff gets hard - I can connect with this poem. So that's good.

As a reviewer, with full interest in helping you increase the quality of your work - I'd have to say that this seems like you could maybe do a little expanding on your descriptions to bring this poem to life.

This is a prose poem from the looks of it, not a lot was done by way of meter or rhythm, which is fine - that's a bit of a hard concept to wrap your head around sometimes. The poem doesn't rhyme, also totally fine, rhyming can be cliche'd you know? and sometimes getting what you want to say across can be hard when you're focusing on rhyming. So because you don't focus on rhyme or rhythm, I think what you should do in the future if you're planning on maybe updating this poem or writing more based on this theme is to really dig deep into your descriptions.

The poem doesn't have rhyme or rhythm to bring it to life, so you need to really spice up your language to give it some punch! And it doesn't have to be major you know, just like, another line of elaboration here and there to appeal to the senses. Does that make sense? Try and give the reader something to latch onto, paint a mental picture of the sights and the smells and the feelings for them so you can make sure that they understand what you're trying to get at. It's one thing to make them understand what you're saying in a poem, but what you're trying to instill in them is a little different.

Overall I think that both this poem and you yourself have a lot of potential. I hope to see you write some more in the future!

You have soooo many pooooosts child! How many more are there? I would just like to say that this poem is amazing, but you didn't let me pick it! How dare you? Just kiiiidding. You ARE the best. I expect to see you on here more frequently. Uuuuuuntil theeeen...


~Love, your favorite co-author,
AlyssaB506