Alone

Hey, Sarah12. It's me Keep. Just came to drop a review. I was actually going to review "Tenebrous Betrayal" but I decided to start at the top of your poems. Let's jump into the review! Shall we? I believe this will be helpful.

I want it to be light, so I can bear no mark

Finally, finally, I slip into my dreams

When I wake, there will be light, no sign of the lingering darkness to be seen.

HEY JEEEEEESS JEEEEEESS!! It looks like you have not posted in a while, but I hope you continue writing soon. Your poems always have a significant meaning behind them and I consistently look forward to reading more. Sorry if this is more of an inspirational pick up than a review, but I hope it is still helpful. I NEEEEEEED MOOORE NOOOOW! Get on it missy. I l<3ve this poem by the way. I reeaally do miss reading more of your new pieces of work. Use that taaalent of yours girl!

~Love, your beeeeestie,
AlyssaB506

Hello CapitalMonday here. I would like to say this poem is well written and has a amazing message to it. I think that I have felt alone and hopeless throughout my life as it is but now that i can keep trying and holding onto the ropes of life, i can go forth with my adventures. When I read this poem, i think of my friend who has struggle with the death of her father and how she couldn't cope with how he just died. I also think that the person in this poem, is trying to forget about something or is being bullied at the school they might attend.

The message to this poem, to me,, would be that don't give yourself up to the dead. Yes, life is horrible and it will throw boulder sized blocks at your face. But when you think you have had enough, you lay there dying hoping to get away from the horrible place, hoping that someone comes and talks you out of it but they don't and you lay there dying.

But when you open your eyes, you in a better place with other people smiling and holding a hand out to you.

Farewell,
CapitalMonday

I like it!

Heya, Sarah12! Welcome to Young Writers Society! I see this is your second work--congratulations!

So, I'll give you the normal capitalization talk. Poems are sentences put into different lines that sometimes rhyme. In this case, it does. And, since sentences aren't capitalized in strange places, neither should a poem. So fix that.

I see how this is rhyming. But, the rhyme scheme seems a bit off to me. I can tell what it is, and it's good that it is consistent, but the fact that every other line is not rhyming...well, it bothers me. I know you like your rhyme scheme, and I know that you probably don't want to change every other line. Just a thought, in case you ever do.

This poem probably describes me every night. I love mornings and day...anyways. This was enjoying to read, even if there is a wailing sound of crying behind me. -_- I hope you always write!

-wisegirl22, member of Blue Moon

Hi Nightshade here to do a short review on your amazing poem

First off I love this!!!! You have nailed exactly what loniness is in crearive amazing ways! I lik your word choice and imagery you used like lingering darkness. Your last line though left the leader with an eerie feel and chills your aeesome.

Night-

Hi Sarah!
I love this poem; it reminds be of an uncontrollable fear of darkness when I was younger. XD
The lack of defined stanzas stalled me while reading at about the middle of the poem, but it was only a minor stop in flow, and I could continue reading smoothly afterwards. I was wondering if you knew how to do stanzas on the site, or if you did that on purpose? I have to ask
Also, the second-to-last line was a little long in comparison to the other lines; I think it nearly doubled in syllable size from the other lines. This doesn't usually bother me much--I do it a lot when writing poetry, actually--but it does slow the flow of reading the poem a bit. It's up to you what you change and what you don't, but I do like to point out that kind of thing in case the writer wants to look at making changes.
Overall, wonderful poem! I love your word choice and how you get me to visualize the fear, darkness, and loneliness in your poem. It really dragged me in! I really liked the line "No longer plagued by fear of no redemption"; it's a really intriguing line, and I really like it!
Keep writing This is awesome!