The Sun’s Rays
Soft
rays beam down on life
Growing
wider the closer they get
The
bright life cuts through air like a razor sharp knife
Their
destination on Earth set.
As
the sun sinks low in the sky
Their light dims, changing
color to the surrounding red
When
it disappears, there life lies
The
moon comes up. This is the life the rays have led.
Long
hours of darkness lie ahead before the rays can shine once more
Life
at rest, unmoving on Earth
Then
the sun edges up, and now the light can soar
The
moon fades away, the sun laughing with mirth.
And life prepares for another day of light.
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,827 Reviews
I wish you would post more often. You are truly an amazing and impactful writer. In fact, out of all of your forms of writing I've read, and there are a lot, I feel like poetry is where you allow your heart to pour out the most. This all comes so naturally to you, I hope you never give up on this gift. I mean, I fall in love with all of your work. ALL OF IT. Reading each of your poems, short stories, and novels over the years has been amazing. But most of all, watching you grow so much as both a writer and a person has been a blessing. Just keep writing. I don't care what mood you're in, what you've been up to, what's going on in your life, just write about it. You have a gift that very few individuals truly possess. Don't give up on that. EVER. I mean that!
- Oh, and I need your help with editing again
P.S: I know you will be a famous author one day!
Well done!
Hello. I really like rhyming poems and most of my poems rhyme so I am a fan of this poem.
I think the suggestion I have is to improve the flow of this poem to make it more smooth to read as this contains long and short sentences at times.
I like this poem as a whole but my favourite lines would be:
'Soft rays beam down on life
Growing wider the closer they get
The bright life cuts through air like a razor sharp knife
Their destination on Earth set.'
And I also admire how you have ended the poem.
So it is a thumbs up and I would like to continue reading your work in the future.
- Anshira.
Whoa.. That was good. I suck at rhyming myself so.. nice job!
to .First off, I think you could change the ending from
Hm.. but that would mean you would have to change the other bright.. OH! you could change it to, . You don't have to agree with any of this by the way, I'm just trying to help. My previous quote wouldn't have helped on its on, so I gave a correction to the one above it. In my opinion, I also think you should reword this to . And I have a question for . Is this a path from the sun to Earth, not the life they have led? The sun is not living, and neither are its rays, so I'm confused as to what you're trying to say here. Sorry if I've offended you. I just don't understand. There should also be a break between "comes up" and "this is the life." Those are two separate ideas, so a comma wouldn't work, even by taking out the second this. Also there should be a break between "lie ahead" and "before the rays." Of course, all of this is my opinion. I loved the poem and I hope you keep writing. Don't get writer's block, eh? Stupid writer's block. Cynder out.
Hello!!! First off I wanted to say that I positively LOVED it, because, well, you never really think of the sun's rays like this!!!!
1) "The bright life cuts through air like a razor sharp knife" for some reason, while this flows in itself, I had to read this phrase again. When I read it the first time I thought I was reading "sharp razor knife" not "razor sharp knife" so I don't know if you might maybe want to switch it around? Anywho it's not a big deal and I can see it perfectly any way.
I really can't find anything else to say here, this was so good! I will make mention of a few of my favorite things in this though.
2) "The moon fades away, the sun laughing with mirth." Not only does this rhyme so well, but I love how you gave the sun an attitude by making it laugh. This adds dimension to this poem.
3) "As the sun sinks low in the sky/Their light dims, changing color to the surrounding red/When it disappears, there life lies/The moon comes up. This is the life the rays have led." this describes sunset in a way that you don't normally don't or wouldn't think about and yet does it so poetically it makes you want to read more.
In fact I want to read more of your work!!! So keep writing and keep on smiling!!!
~RagingLive for the Blue Moon
Awesome! Thank you so much. I actually do have another poem called Alone that I posted as well. I would appreciate it if you checked it out!