Young Writers Society

hi.

I love your imagery, your description, and your wording, but while your images are great i don't see any meaning to it. You have a lot of words on a paper leading to some kind of emotion or theme, but it never really reaches the climax, its kind of confusing and it gets lost. Its very hard to explain, but the main thing is you need to get your thoughts straightened out, otherwise your writing won't go anywhere.

I think my favorite part in this is

The wind is revered, biting but shimmering

Blowing my wispy hair in a stream behind me

Playing with my senses, testing me

To see if it can wiggle its way into my heart

The last paragraph is my favorite overall! Really good. Keep writing, it's suits you good.

Hi Sarah12, Terribilis here with a review for you.
This poem is quite lovely, I don’t know if you meant to do this, but your poem is structured so that the stanzas starts small, but as it get farther along, it gets bigger, then at about the middle it stops growing in size, and then it goes back to smaller stanzas. I interpreted the first stanza as love not yet taking hold, due to perhaps, a past love that is no longer present. Then the larger stanzas represent love once it has blossomed and taken hold of you once more. The smaller stanzas could represent when you have either accepted things as they are, or have shunned love. This may totally just be my speculation, but your poem’s structure, adds to the overall effect. I really liked that. But seeing as how this is actually a review, I can’t just tell you what I loved about it.

Starting with the second stanza, why do you rejoice? If it is unwelcome, why are you happy? Or is you character so above whatever is so unwelcome that it makes him/her incredulous to the point where it doesn’t affect him/her?

I like your third stanza, I was slightly confused as to why wind has anything to do with it. But I later realized that wind is a representation of love, at least… I think so. Correct me if I’m wrong, but was Wind meant to be an analogy of how fickle and uncontrollable love is?

You fourth stanza bothers me a little, I feel like there’s something missing, you might consider inserting another stanza explaining how it broke your resolve.

My only nitpicks with your fifth stanza is the line “But I will only let it break my heart, as that is how I learn.” Why is it “…as that is how you learn?” and the line “I can hold it back; I can let the broken love I hold go…” Couldn’t you make this flow a bit better by just saying that …”I can let the broken love go…” We understand that it’s your love.

I love your sixth stanza, its sets the mood very, very well.

Your seventh stanza is nice, but it seemed not to flow quite as well as some of the other stanzas, and what is it helping you do by leaving you to do it alone? We need just a tiny bit more info.

Your last stanza is great, it ends the poem very well.

Overall this is a very good poem, it has good flow, and the idea behind it is great. I hope I didn’t come across harsh with some of the things I had to say. But if no one tells you what they think, how are you ever supposed to grow as a writer? Good luck in your future writing, and keep at it.
-Terribilis