We walk around
In beautiful masks
Made of luscious skin and bountiful hair
To hide ourselves from ourselves
And ourselves from others
For we're all the same on the inside.
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140,319 Literary Works • 673,089 Reviews
I really like this poem. I don't know how to phrase that better. Maybe I like it because it can hard among groups of outcasts and rejects who just desperately want to fit in. Maybe I just like it because of your word choice. Hard to know for sure, I just like it.
With that said, using "Bountiful" to describe hair sounded a bit awkward to me. It flowed right in the poem, but I think of harvests when I think of bountiful. I don't really know why. I mean, it's just me, so you don't need to change anything. It's just my opinion.
Like I said before, I love the weight of your words. This poem can basically call out everybody for something that they hide or change about themselves. It's not just for one person. It's for everybody.
I can't think of anything else. That poem was great.
-Grace
For some reason when I read this, I thought of girls wearing makeup. Girls are under the pressure to be attractive, and although no one says it aloud, it is true. Ask any girl! Even though we are all the same on the inside, we continue to cake on the foundation and eyeliner, covering what we were meant to look like. I'm not sure if this is what you were implying with your poem, but this is a soft spot in my heart because so many are out there who are ashamed of the way they look--boys and girls alike! Looks don't matter, because as you said, we're all the same on the inside. Couldn't have said it better myself. Great work!!!
Thanks
P.S: How did you find this?
I read your comment that said something about short poems and I was curious hahaha
Man, this poem is short but pretty awesome!
Oh, by the way, i'm here for a review!
I like how you describe us! The mask part is pretty cool, considering that it's like were wearing mask to cover our bones and stuff. And saying it's made of skin and hair! just love it! And to hide ourselves from ourselves is a pretty good line too, but what I think is the most important in this poem, is For we're all the same on the inside. I just LOVE this poem! Keep writing dude!
thanks
this is truly a good piece of poetry , I really enjoyed reading this its short but interesting , u captured my eye on this one. I love reading short poetry because there's usually more detail in the short pieces its really clever!! definitely something to take time out to read
-joshua
thanks
This poem captures our generations tendency to hide itself from all ,including ourselves, beautifully. It is split up nicely in the different lines and is easy to follow. There is a lot of impact in such a short writing piece. Wonderful!
thanks
Hey, Verser!
This was absolutely beautiful. Sometimes the rawest emotion translates the smoothest--no complex descriptions, no delicate words to mask its meaning. The ending was my favorite line:
It was the most blunt, and thus the most effective. We're all the same, but we wear different clothing. However, while it functions well on its own, it doesn't fuse well with the rest. A little too blunt. Maybe removing the conjunction (for) would mend that... and/or isolating it, forming it into its own stanza.
I also have to agree with AlexSushiDog on "bountiful." It seems a little random, maybe even abrupt, in contrast to the rest of this beautiful poem. The word "bountiful" doesn't imply that hair is beautiful, either. So I'd suggest a little repetition: "Made of luscious skin and lustrous hair"
Keep it up! Looking forward to hearing more from you!
thanks, I'll keep that in mind
No problem!
Hey Verser! AlexSushiDog here to review your poem!
I liked the meaning of this poem! It really made you think about what I had just read and the meaning to it. I can see that you put a lot of thought into what phrases you chose such as
This was my favourite few lines!
Not much to improve on this! But maybe instead of "bountiful" (which means lots) you could replace it with another word like "beautiful" (Although that's a bit cliché) or something like "Glistening".
Overall, interesting poem! I liked the thought put into it!
thanks