16+ Language Violence

As We Know It (Chapter 1)

Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language and violence.

As We Know It

 

Prologue

We didn’t see it until it was too late. That’s what we repeat to ourselves as we huddle in our cardboard boxes, protected from the outside.

Let me rewind, the year was 1999, late December, days before the Millennium, when the meteors struck. It came from the direction of the sun, stealthily sneaking, stalking us unnoticed. A missile meant to destroy it only shattered it into three massive fragments, which struck throughout the Western Hemisphere. What was once rolling hills and thriving cities became radioactive wastelands. 

Fast forward to the year 2020, nuclear winter on the surface of the Earth has diminished enough so humans can survive. Bandit gangs and raider clans control what is left of our cities. Rumor spread of a cruise ship preparing to disembark, a last chance at salvation. Still, many held out hope.

 

 

Chapter 1: A Twisted World

 

We had just crossed the Rio Grande into West Texas, a desert wasteland in its prime now more wasted than ever.

“Tell me why we came here again?” I asked lazily.

“Jay, for the umpteenth time, we need to stock up on food,” said our driver, Alek. He kept one hand on the wheel of the R.V. while he ran his other through his jet-black hair and groaned, “Someone take the wheel I’ve been driving for a whole day.”

Alek locked eyes with Cass, who reluctantly sat up and took the wheel. Within minutes Cass had his big black eyes fixed on the road and Alek was chilling on the sofa, rubbing his temples. Silence descended.

“Hey, Alek, wanna hear a joke?” asked Cass.

“Shut up, Cass,” was the answer.

The rumbling of the R.V’s engine filled the silence. I could feel the tension rising, and hell, it should be. We’d been traveling for a week now and at this point, I didn’t care that they were my last friends on Earth, I just wanted to be alone.

“You think there’ll be any food here?” asked Cass, surveying the scorched wasteland that stretched to the horizon.

“No”, I thought. “Why should there be?” With our luck, we’d probably be dead within a few weeks, that’s if raiders don’t get us sooner or we don’t get stuck in a cannibal nest.

Alek, who’d seemed a bit bugged now seemed thoroughly pissed off. “I said shut up!” he growled.

Cass stopped the R.V, “How about you shut up!”

“I don’t want to hear it, just drive!” a cussing match ensued. I didn’t blame them for their sniping, what would you expect from three guys stuck in a nuclear wasteland and running out of food.

That’s when our back tire blew out. This would be no ordinary repair. You don’t just stop in the middle of a road and expect not to be looted, even in the desert. My instincts kicked in. I grabbed Alek and crouched behind the table. Rough voices came from outside – Raiders. Cass peeked out from behind the driver’s seat and motioned toward my gun propped by the door. I counted to three and went for it, vaulting over the table and grabbing the stock. The back doors burst open just as I cocked it, rolled forward and fired, dropping three Raiders trying to climb aboard.

In the silence that followed, I slowly got to my feet and looked back at Cass and Alek, but they were still fixed on the space behind me where one raider was struggling to get up, a bullet in his thigh.

“Take the live one, he may have information,” Alek said softly.

“Information for what?” I asked. I really wasn’t liking the idea of picking this man up. Alek looked at me like I was dumb.

“Food and water idiot! We’re starving out here.”

Grumbling, I knocked the Raider unconscious then brought him into the R.V and lay him on one of the couches. Blood smeared my hands, making me shiver. You never expect to be shooting people when you’re nineteen. Though I’ve been doing it for some time now, it never feels natural. Alek stood up.

“Anyone know how to fix a flat?” he asked.

He got his answer when we set off, walking a mile to the nearest sign of life, a godsend really, though in better times you never would have noticed it –Marie’s Inn.

The main room was in stark contrast to the world outside. Filled with alcohol-fueled chatter and laughter with some form of somber blues played in the background. Men and women alike downed shot after shot of cheap whisky like they didn’t care anymore and I almost wanted to join them. At least it would be easier than traveling another week across the wasteland we called home.

The owner of the inn was a short, chubby, Italian woman who kindly showed us to our room. The upstairs was a series of small doors and white, grubby walls. Our room consisted of one small bed, a large wooden dresser, and a small window that looked out onto the cold nothingness of the outside.

“What the fuck? There’s only one bed!” Cass exclaimed.

“What’d you expect?” I asked calmly.

Alek grumbled something about sleeping on a hardwood floor and sat down on the dresser.

“Guys,” said Cass, nodding toward the Raider who was regaining consciousness. Alek and I stooped over the delirious man.

“Wh-wha-wha?” he said through a scraggly beard. His buzz-cut kept his hair off his ears where too many gold rings hung.

“Relax man, you’re safe.” said Alek shortly.

“What about the Mayflower? All our troubles gone in the sea?” the man mumbled, woozily waving his hand around and making a swishing noise. We exchanged glances, rumor had come through a few months ago when a series of parrots flocked all over the west coast and repeated the word “Mayflower” and “boat” for three days straight. Most of us dismissed it (who wouldn’t), and the ones who didn’t, were usually found dead or were probably taken captive by scavengers and murderers roaming the roads.

“Hey, you still with us? So where can we find this Mayflower ship?” Asked Cass, hopefully. The man put his scabby lips close to Alek’s ear and whispered something incomprehensible, then fell back into the swishing sound again.

Alek turned to us, “Miami.”

I felt a sudden surge of excitement. We might actually make it through this alive.

“And you believe a half-dead Raider?” Cass sighed.

“Why not? You got something better?”

Cass looked turned toward the Raider, who slipped back into unconsciousness, then back at Alek “You better be right asshole,” he snarled.

Alek grinned and I allowed myself a bit of optimism. We slept soundly, taking turns keeping an eye on the door and the seemingly unconscious Raider. The next morning under slate gray skies and wind from the west, we set off for Miami.

Comments & reviews · 2
Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

Do you need the prologue? It’s short and sweet, which means that it doesn’t dump information on us long enough to become annoying, but on the other hand it’s nothing you couldn’t weave into the narrative proper with a little effort. And I’m always an advocate for no unnecessary prologues.

I really like the first sentence of chapter one. Quite apart from giving us setting, “a desert wasteland in its prime now more wasted than ever” is a really striking description. The atmosphere in the RV itself is good, too, and really gets across the sense of road trip from hell. I think that’s one reason you don’t need the prologue—even without it, these first few paragraphs hint a lot at some kind of disaster. The scorched wasteland, the tension in the RV, the other guys being Jay’s last friends on earth—these are all things you can get a lot of mileage out of. Don’t be afraid to imply disaster instead of stating it outright. You can always fill in the details a bit later.

The paragraph that starts with the tire blowing out flows pretty well. It does a good job of conveying the sense that Jay is practiced at doing this. The only thing I’m questioning is that the raiders apparently show up INSTANTLY, because for that to happen they would either have had to blow out their tire right where the raiders were waiting to ambush, OR the raiders would have had to be following them—in which case, wouldn’t they have noticed? Apocalypses do tend to inspire paranoia, after all. My other thought was that maybe the raiders had booby trapped this part of the road and that’s why they were ready right away—if that’s the case, Jay thinking about how traps and ambushes of this kind were commonplace would help make that clearer. Or you could use it as a time limit thing to raise the stakes—can they fix the tire before the inevitable raiders show up?

I like the description of the inn as its own little oasis of civilization, and the conversation with the raider is good, but I have two questions: 1. How did they get a dude with a leg wound that’s possibly going to make him bleed out to walk a whole mile to get to this inn? In a radioactive wasteland, no less. And 2., If raiders on the roads are so common, why/how could they just leave the RV in the middle of the highway and walk a whole mile to get away from it?

Honestly I think the stronger plot choice would be for them to stay with the RV. Tires aren’t all that difficult to change; a couple of smart, desperate kids could probably figure it out, assuming they had the tools and some kind of instructions—maybe it’s in the owner’s manual, or something. Or maybe one of them does know, but they don’t have a jack so they have to cobble something together from what they have. Meanwhile they’re also waiting for raiders to show up, which creates a time limit on all this and raises the stakes, and then when the raiders DO make an appearance and Jay takes care of them, they can just question the living one right there.

Anyway, it’s a good start! I’m looking forward to seeing what happens next.

:D hey thanks for the review. The reason I didn't explain those parts was because they aren't very significant. All you need to know it that they were attacked by raiders, walked to Marie's inn, and have hopefully found the location of the last remaining boat in America. You don't need to know how they did what they did in those parts, you just need to know that they resolved the problem and have moved on, but if you feel creative, you can make up in your mind how they solved those problems. Anyway, thank you for reviewing and i will consider these comments. :D

User avatar
ahollander
Review

Okay, so this is really cool. I LOVE it! I think the best part for me is the relationship you've created with all three guys. I didn't notice any grammatical mistakes, well none that stuck out to me. Seriously though I absolutely loved this, you've got a lot going for you with this. Keep up the good work, and I can't wait to read more! :)



My life's goal is to end up between YWS quotes on bottom of the page, so some part of me will be able to live forever here.
— AnotherCrowInRow