Moonshine

George luvs Luna, his hip hop huuny! Dat sweet. Dat nasty, though, 4 sum reeson. Can't xplane y. It's sad, real sad, but your username spoilz it. Den again, Stevey Kingy spoilt It by making it a bad buuk. n e way, I like the itallics. It's nice.

Oh, and u r a pigeon. Dat cool.

I don't remember Mrs. Reyes, but she remembers me. I am da wombat under her bed!!!

Hi.

I love your writing style. The stanzas flow very nicely and you have a very strong emotional theme.

However, there are a few rookie mistakes you make. The first thing I found was the last two lines of the first stanza. Here you make it abundantly clear what your trying to convey. This isn't necessarily a good thing. It feels like your beating your reader over the head with the emotion your trying to convey. You could cut these lines or make the emotion more subtle or reword it to do the same thing.

This problem persists over to the next stanza where you write "The silent school silhouetted the sorrowful tears of the sky." This is not only unnecessary but is also very jarring. You can cut this with no negative effect.

Finally, your last stanza is a bit jarring. I don't like the way it flows and it brings the rest of the poem into doubt. Did she really leave? If so, why are we watching the sun go down with her again? A lot of the emotion conveyed through your poem comes from the feeling of loss in your character. Your last stanza contradicts that completely.

Despite these flaws I like the flow of your poem and its strong conveyance of emotion.

Keep writing!

Very evocative, I felt that your emotional investment in the story compensated greatly for your nontraditional somewhat discombobulated formatting, it edged me on to the close and kept me reading. Themes of nostalgia and lost love come through beautifully in this piece. I could feel your grief through the screen, it was almost an overwhelming sensation.

Another thing I found charming was your confusion and perhaps slight hesitation in addressing your deceased loved one. Its almost as if you didn't really know how to do it and were trying to be loving and sincere but the pain was making it difficult for you to be as clear as you would have liked to be, this comes across especially in the paragraph in which you apologize for the inappropriate timing of your address as you feel it would have made more sense to connect on the day of the dead, this could also reference the denial you might have in regard to your loss, perhaps you haven't made that transition and fully acknowledged the fact that she had actually died making it difficult for you to put your thoughts on paper on a day that celebrates death.

All in all i found it to be a delightful read, keep it up! I hope to read more of your work in the near future!

Hey there!
I would first like to say that I'm not much of a poetry person and that a few things confused me in this particular poem. So, I'm gonna have to ask you a few questions.

I can't help but feel that there must have been some great significance in this verse.

Don't leave

Never return

I finished the poem and I still don't understand this verse, could you please elaborate?

Only the last 'letter' was signed off by the writer, although I'm sure it's all the same person, why aren't the other 'letters' signed off too? is there a deeper meaning? Or did you forget or simply neglect to write because it seemed redundant?

Now I think I finally understand the poem. This has got to be about a friend who must have died on the way to school on the schoolbus or someother way. You wrote the first letter as if to say that she shouldn't have stepped foot on the bus. And perhaps the school was closed because of the accident?

What finally brought me to my senses was your repetition of the Day of the Dead. You were right to do so. I am keeping my previous critiques because I still think you should edit the poem in a much less personal way. Perhaps in a way that all of us can relate.

Oh well, keep on writing these enchanting poems, you really have talent.
good luck!

Hi,
I'm going to start out with what I like about this.

-It's very poetic, the sentences flowed and it was very graceful.
-There was a definite somber tone to it, which fit. There were no out of place phrases, to me.

There were a couple of confusing bits, though. How old are the characters in this? I felt as if some things were unclear. I didn't quite understand the events in the first paragraph. They were feeling things but up until the next paragraph, they were unclear, even then. I'm not sure what was going on.

How did Ms. Reyes fail the MC?

Besides the minor confusion beyond the sibling's death, this was kind of mysterious, solemn and had the reader thinking and it painted a heavy picture of the environment.

Good job.

-Radio