A gnarled oak tree grows in your backyard.
Tired withered branches twist over and over into knots no one ever knew were their
Knots of broken dreams. Shattered gold that made life that much easier to live. That made the sun reflect your smile across the world.
Dreams that repelled the dark of the night and the bleak stars that followed you across the stage of dry eyed loneliness.
None of them cared about the next day or the day after that. None of them new the hidden war of dusk and dawn and the lights in your soul so dim you have to close your eyes to see them.
A gnarled oak tree sits in your backyard.
But if one looked close enough, they would see the beauty in its wizened curves. They would notice it still stands tall after the purple hued night and the creeping shadows of silence that threaten every hour of every day until time fades away and the world slowly passes into infinity.
Yet no one ever stops.
No one ever looks. Because maybe humanity is alien in the eyes of another.
Maybe emotion only exists in this gnarled oak tree. And the plight that rages within its crumbled bones is the only storm in a world of blissful light.
Maybe that makes all the difference.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,507 Literary Works • 672,595 Reviews
OK first off this is REALLY HARD TO READ. Not because its bad but because the ideas are so jumbled. You present so much in just a few sentences which results in just a blur of words. Separating this stuff into verses would be a good idea.
Another thing is the last couple lines could be cut. There's one in particular when you say
"Because maybe humanity is alien in the eyes of another."
Which feels like hitting a dead stop. I suggest rewording this.
Otherwise this feels like its be golden if the structure was fixed. As of now it's an uncut diamond.
#nosympathy
WOW, this really is great,
Their is a few grammar errors but nothing you can't fix. This really shows your fellings and how you think. This is good poetry and I have hope that you can make this the best way to go.
Wow, anyway. Hello, I have to do a review so why not on your poem.
This was a well written poem. I found one grammatical error though. "knew the hidden war of dusk and dawn and the lights in your soul so dim you have to close your eyes to see them." In this sentence the word 'and' is used very often. I would separate them maybe using a comma but there are other ways too. You did however do a well job of creating a overall theme and moral to this little poem. Thank you for the brilliant read.
Have a nice evening!
Hello there!
I really, really enjoyed the words of your poem! I think they're very strong, and I completely connected with what you were saying. I also enjoyed how you had important statements separated from other sections of the poem.
There were only a few mistakes that I caught after reading it through. There were a few punctuation errors that can be easily fixed:
"Tired, withered branches..."
It may be more appropriate to use a semicolon here: "Shattered gold that made life that much easier to live; that made the sun reflect your smile across the world."
"None of them cared about the next day, or the day after that."
The word 'and' gets a little repetitive in this sentence: "None of them *knew the hidden war of dusk and dawn and the lights in your soul so dim you have to close your eyes to see them."
I would either separate them with commas, or add a comma in there after dawn.
There was also a spelling error in the beginning, "... no one ever knew were *there."
Besides those few small errors, I didn't see anything else that I, myself would change! Again, I really liked this poem, and hope to see more from you in the future.
Thank you for giving me something beautiful to read!
xo,Amber
Sorry, my computer is freaking out on me!!
psst. Thanks guys!