my hands are made of sandalwood, teeth of pines, heart
of sad alchemical transformations gone to dust.
my window, here, looks onto an oak tree, in a garden
scented with oranges, held up by the lapel of dreams
in solitude that whispers sweet.
in a sky that is grime-streaked,
clouds cannot control their tear-ducts. and yet,
the oak tree stands, stands, unperturbed by the wind
even as it lashes down and leaves burning kisses on my throat,
tears down the curtains, rips tissue from tissue and makes my palms bleed. it leaves
an ache in my heart that won't go away no matter how i tape over it with gauze
and yell at the frailty to leave, 'leave, please, leaveleaveleave.'
the world is taking a grinder to my heart; the axemen
gladly oblige the wind in its conquest
to blow
me
down.
my garden smells of oranges; the sky is streaked
with sunsets burning rust, clouds wearing coats,
breathing mist. the ground is petrichor; and the oak
tree stands past twilight.
my teeth are made of pines and alchemical
problems gone to dust. the wind tells me lies to burn
at my soul.
but alchemy is not the study
of transmuting metals into gold; it is the study
of turning ash to clay
and remoulding everything that hurts into something
that does not. something that stands, unwavering,
an old writing-desk that holds the window shut
against all storms.
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140,890 Literary Works • 673,703 Reviews
Hi Pompadour, Felistia here with a review for you on this wonderful review day.
Theme: I don't know what you are going on about this not being a good poem. I think it is really nice. I love that you are using an oak as the main theme of the poem. I am not very good at deducting what poems are about and I have a vague idea of what the mean is in here, but I still really enjoyed the poem.
Description: Your description is what made the poem for me. The words and colours that you use are splendid and really held the poem up for me. My favourite line had to be this one (my garden smells of oranges; the sky is streaked with sunsets burning rust) such a wonderful amount of colours and smells.
Grammar and punctuation: I couldn't find any problems with grammar or punctuation in here.
Small problems: My only problem with the poem was the lines were a bit uneven and it didn't flow to well. Try maybe joining or shortening a few lines.
Over all a great poem and I look forward to the next one. Never stop writing and I hope you have a great day\night.
I love the imagery of this. The spacing of the lines make it kind of hard to read, but it's only your style, not mine. I can't really get one straight them out of this. I'm getting the vibes of "I'm just dying nature" but in the end you throw a curveball of "alchemy is the study of rebuilding and lasting forever." I'd like to see this poem expanded to tell more of the story.