Young Writers Society

Thumbs up!

I love this. From the first stanza, your imagery is amazing and a mood is set well. I like how you used words synonymous to others instead of simple words. I also like how you made the lines actually become smaller, that added to the poem, in my opinion. My favourite line of this is “twist my bones into hieroglyphs.” It stood out to me for some reason. The ending was captivating as well. This is very well written, good work.

This is Kaos here for a review!

There's a lack of punctuation in this poem which is something that interests me in your choice to do this, not necessarily in the whole poem but more in the beginning than anything else. I don't know if this was intentional or not or if you just forgot to add it in but I didn't really see how it added to the poem necessarily? I want to hear your reasoning for it more than anything else.

This poem is quite the mess of beautiful imagery once again and I think you're kind of trying to capture the surreal state of dreams and everything of that sort but I didn't really see why or what the ocean acts as other than the beginning image. That's one of the problems that I sort of had here, what does the ocean do or contribute to the theme? There were multiple things that ran through my head and I kind of wanted more of the drowning imagery and connecting drowning to dreams because I can really see that working with drowning in your own dreams and not being able to get out. It turns out that the narrator /ended/ up drowning and this is something that interests me.

The flow of your imagery is kind of a mess but I think that that's apart of your style with images that make images that make more images and you kind of just let that flow but I want something more distinct. I want to be able to point to a line and ask, "Why did you choose this?". Having room for interpretation is great and overall the poem did great on letting the reader be able to do that, but I want to know your meaning to it as well.

Beautiful poem, as always. Keep experimenting, editing, reading, and writing.

i got so excited when i saw you posted another poem xD

*reads poem*

yes another poem that freakin just worsens my itch to write poetry xD *absorbs and bottles up inspiration* (why am i so weird?)