Young Writers Society

Pomp<3

Let's jump right in.

I love your imagery. It's always wonderful and fresh and I sit here and hallucinate wonderful things because of the weird and lovely way you sew words together. I like how you use recurring images, like the titular image with the light and the pinpricks and the sewing.

At first, I thought that this was going to be about drugs and those sorts of needles, but this is more maternal, focused on sewing and mistakes. The second thing I thought it was about was diabetes, pricking the finger to take blood, but I was wrong again. I think that you could do with a bit more sewing imagery in the first stanza to focus readers on the right track with needles.

The umbrellas are nice, but if you could find something that had to do with sewing there, I feel like it would be even better. With this kind of poem, I find that focusing on the theme of the images usually serves the poem really well.

ACK the more I read this the more I like this.

To be honest, I was going to start out by saying that I didn't understand this poem. At first I didn't get what it was really about, but now I think I have an idea, and I'm content if it's not what you meant because poetry is supposed to be able to be interpreted in a variety of ways and that's lovely.

I think my only other suggestion would be to introduce mother earlier in the poem. She came in like a wrecking ball in the second stanza, and I would love for her entrance to be a little more incorporated.

Altogether, this is lovely. Filled with emotion and also powerful imagery. I hope that this review proves useful to you! Happy poeting, and happy review day!

Hey, Braiden here for a review on Review Day!

Okay, so when I read this poem, I thought to myself: "If Tim Burton wrote a poem, it would sound like this." XD That's a good thing.

I really loved this poem; it had a really mysterious feel to it, and I thought that it was very unique. I haven't ever read a poem like that.

No, I did not see any grammatical errors in this poem, aside from you not capitalizing when you said 'I'. Looking back at the poem though, I am not sure if you not capitalizing that was intentional or not. If it was intentional, that was my bad for pointing it out.

Overall, this was a very interesting poem to read, and I really liked it. Keep writing!

~Braiden

This is a very good poem

Hey, Pomp! Cat here to attempt a review on this fantastic work. I mean, wow. This poem is absolutely spectacular! To be honest, I feel a little intimidated trying to review it, but it makes me sad that such a wonderful piece is still in the Greenroom, so I'll give it my best shot! I hope some of this helps, or at least makes you smile.

As far as grammar goes, it looks great! There wasn't anything I could find out of sorts after reading through a few times and spell-checking a few words for myself. Well, other than the word "pennyglances," which I assume is missing a space as a stylistic choice. Feel free to correct me, though, you are the artist.

In terms of figurative language and getting your message across to the audience, you are obviously already an expert. Oh my gosh, this poem was an absolute roller-coaster of emotions! There is not a thing I would change about it. It's all absolutely gorgeous. One of my favorite parts is "too many fire alarms and nebulas sewn into one sheaf of skin." Ugh, so beautiful!

I have to say, the pacing of the lines gave me a bit of trouble at first because I have to read out loud sometimes, but it has a really nice rhythm once you get used to it. This may sound silly (and feel free to disregard it) but I would advise keeping each distinct sentence part on its own line until the end of the poem if you're considering editing it more. It's such a powerful device that it adds extra emphasis to the already awesome ending if you let it flow more. Maybe that's just me though. You obviously know best, you amazing writer, you.

I hope this silly little review helped some. I loved this poem and I just wish I could do it justice in a comment. Thanks for being awesome!

~Cat