Young Writers Society

I love this so much!!! The last line reminds of of this quote:

What if I fall? Oh, but my darling what if you fly?
-e.h.

I can't even;-; I'm so blown away by this.

I agree with the vast majority of alliyah's review, including the reply, but I would like to say that, even though I think the tiger imagery is disjointed compared to the moor/grave image, when I read it, I interpreted the caged part and the tiger part together, so it was a caged tiger, like one at a circus or in a zoo, so maybe the disjointedness was to signify the fact that tiger did not belong there. I also took the tiger to symbolize the woman's soul or some part of her or her spirit that is wild and fierce and alive, but caged within her, and the narrator would wish that she'd keep it caged and also make it less dangerous. Therefore, even though the horse imagery would fit so much better, as alliyah suggested, I'm not convinced you should replace the tiger. The decision is ultimately yours.

One thing I was unsure about that was not addressed in alliyah's excellent review is the changing of font throughout the piece. I think I understand most of the italics, but it seems like some stanzas are additionally sharper that others (the section from scarecrows to higher places seems less focused) and I wasn't sure at all what the purpose of that was. It's almost like you're trying to emphasize every single stanza, with the italics and the indentation and the sharpness and it's not too much, but it's not always clear what the purpose of it is.

Wonderful piece. You deserve all the likes it's gotten, and then some. Hope this helped.
-tgirly

Well! ... That was quite a poem Pompadour! I wish I could leave an intelligent comment; this was absolutely beautiful, but I can't seem to muddle out all of the meaning. I will need to ponder this piece longer because there are some parts that are just beautiful images but without meaning yet for me. There's anticipation, and heartbreak, and passing of time. You have an eclectic word-choice that enhances the sort of melancholy, misty, hidden tone of the piece. The use of repetition also enhances this.

I won't go line by line, because even the few words that seemed a bit strange to me seemed intentional and as far as I could tell your choices in formatting and punctuation were effective and not distracting to the poem as a whole.

I have a couple critiques; that aren't really critiques but just parts that I sort of paused and questioned when reading that you might consider.

1) The bits about a tiger is a bit odd, almost seems misplaced. Does the tiger symbolize the day? I like the contrast from the crows, and the moor, to the tiger; but why would a tiger be on a moor? Do tiger's live on moors? It sort of takes me out of the setting and into a foreign and wild jungle - maybe that's your intent, but I wonder if a mountain lion, or a wild horse might be more appropriate. It's sort of like if you're writing about the ocean and the sea and boats and fish and sand, and then you throw in a reference about an auto shop - it will seem out of place; like the elephant in the room (or in this case the tiger on the moor). But then again, maybe my idea of moors are completely wrong - I've got a picture of like Wuthering Heights in my mind when the word "moor" is used.

2)The dialogue doesn't seem to "fit" the language of the poem. You use poetic, old, almost formal language in your poem eg. using "learnt" instead of "learned" and the subtext of a funeral, epitaph, sheath, etc. But when the woman/moon speaks "here's the deal with storms" -> first of all, what in the world does that mean? Very ominous and vague, not sure if you mean "this is what happens when it storms" or "this is the deal/exchange with storms". But it suddenly sounds modern, and casual and like a passing comment rather than the last thing you shout desperately before you run off the edge.

3) The prison gates and black tar bit seems a bit thrown in their as well. It doesn't seem connected, but sort of thrown in there.

My favorite parts are the first and last bit. Especially the "pre-mourning, i watch/ her walk off the edge.//but i cannot hear her fall." Awesome! I love the play on words with "mourning/morning" and how the moon/woman can be seen as symbolic of both time and death. And I like that after all this running and anxiety felt by the reader, it ends in this sort of terrifying moment with her walking rather than running, and no sound.

The other line I loved was "runs like wild beasts that roils in our names". Really interesting phrasing here.

My interpretation of the poem is that there is some anxiety about leaving the night/death and the passing of sun, so you/we cling to the moon in this misty mysterious land called the moor which is maybe just life. But we cannot avoid the passing of the moon as she walks off the edge to leave us to fend for ourselves. Maybe in this there's some anxiety about the unknown/the afterlife. And we must bare through the storms/struggles because the wild tiger awaits us. -> This could be completely off; and I would love to know what your thoughts were when writing the poem, but that was just my interpretation of it.

Really enjoyed reading this and I think the imagery and meaning of this poem will stir around in my mind for some time to come. Thank you!

~alliyah