~Chapter Fourteen~
Unexpected Allies
Knall awoke to the unexpected smell of spring blooming. The flowers were growing and the grass had even grown taller from last night. He tiredly stood and stretched out his arms, causing his wings to stretch out even further.
He glanced over at Derez’s blanket and only saw the top of his head, showing his ruffled hair. He turned around completely and saw the sun creeping over the tops of the trees, lighting them up brilliantly.
“Derez! Wake up!” The head moved slightly then a face appeared, eyes snapped shut. “We got to get moving Derez!”
“Fine, but only because you’d be completely lost without me.” Knall rolled his eyes as Derez climbed out of bed and caused the two blankets and pillows to disappear. He stood and stretched out. “Okay, let’s go.”
The two began walking for several minutes until Knall finally spoke. “Uh… I thought you said lessons start today.” Derez nodded and Knall waited.
“What’s the lesson?” He asked anxiously. Derez stooped down and scooped up and smooth rock. He thrust it into Knall’s hand, it fit nearly perfectly.
“Levitate the rock.” He said simply.
“.” Knall muttered easily. The rock floated up about a foot from Knall’s hand. “Good. Now do it without reciting a spell.” Knall’s eyes widened and he focused on the rock again. He gazed at it, willing it to move. He thought of the spell but didn’t say it, focusing on the rock and thinking of the spell he was sure it would move.
It didn’t even twitch. “Uh… How, exactly?” Derez choked back a laugh and said,
“I thought you were a magician. Figure it out.”
“This isn’t a lesson! It’s impossible!” Retorted Knall. Derez glanced at the rock, not muttering a word and it flew into the air and started doing spirals. Then it split in half and then into several thousand smaller rocks. They all came together again and in the shape of a sword.
Then it returned to its original form and lightly rested on Knall’s hand. “Yea, impossible.” Derez said and continued walking. Knall felt anger building up inside him and glared at the rock, as if blaming it. It didn’t move at all. He noticed Derez was moving further away and he heard him say, “Lesson one, patience.”
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,014 Literary Works • 672,845 Reviews
Hello again! A very short section so just a few comments this time -
Derez stooped down and scooped up a[s]nd[/s] smooth rock.
“Uh… [s]H[/s] how, exactly?”
They all came together again, [s]and[/s] in the shape of a sword.
Then it returned to its original form and lightly rested on Knall’s [s]hand[/s] open palm.
Other than that, good work.It flows well, I like your dialogue in this section and I think it's very interesting. I would suggest that you describe the scenery a little more though.
My only thought was "patience, my young padawan." :D I liked it a lot.
.... there's not really much to say. Which is pretty awesome, especially from a knife-them-in-the-gut critiquer like myself.
Hey there,
This is my first read of your work.
I would like to say I enjoyed this. Without knowing too much, I was able to grasp the character creation well.
Overall, I liked it.
Hope to read more.
Jadix.
Really good. It is very well written.
I agree with greenjay
I found this piece very interesting and can't wait to read more! Keep up the writing!!!
(~) Emi (~)
"He stood tiredly" would be better.
Hehe. Derez turned the rock into a sword:D. This is cool. Good chapter start.
-Me