He could hear the waves crashing gently against the rock below and gazed at the moon. Khor glanced over at the town off the coast off the mainland. He saw black smoke curling over it. He face suddenly became very serious. He saw flashes of light and fire.
“Attack!! There’s an attack on the town!!” Khor yelled at the top of his lungs. No one heard him. He jumped off of the wall and ran as quickly as he could towards the castle.
Khor burst into the castle’s entrance hall. Dang!! No one here!! Khor rushed into the Meal Hall where nearly every student in the school was enjoying diner. Including the Head Master. “Someone’s attacking the town on the mainland!!” Head Master Jyrool stood up violently and looked Khor in the eyes.
“Instructors to the wall!! Students, return to your quarters and please, remain calm! There is an attack on the city of Hyresh!! Khor please come here.” Khor ran up to the old Head Master and leaned in so he could hear him over the crowds of people moving franticly towards the exits.
“I need you to promise me you will return to your quarters and stay there until the trouble is sorted out.” Khor nodded, the Head Master grabbed his shoulders “Promise me!” Khor looked him in the eye and said quietly “I promise.”
The Head Master let him go and Khor ran toward the exit along with hundreds of other students. As he ran he heard many people screaming and tried to ignore them. He had to focus. Khor’s heart told him to go back and help with the defense of the castle but his body moved along into the Ya main quarters. When he got there, the room was filled with nine other 14 year old boys. “But there not going to get into the castle, right?” Khor walked in on the other boys’ conversation. They were already in their pajamas and were talking about the assault on Hyresh. Their gazes flickered in his direction but a few seconds latter they continued their conversation. “They’re the Shades right? Aren’t they like demons or something?” One boy asked Jhere.
“There’s no way anything is getting in this castle. And on top of our walls, catapults, and magical barriers we also have full castle of grown warriors. There’s no way they’re getting in here.”
Khor walked over to the window overlooking the grounds. He saw hundreds of Instructors bathed in moonlight. Most of them were racing towards the main gate. Khor couldn’t just stand there and watch them attempt to defend the castle. He knew he would kill himself for it later and started to walk towards the door.
“Hey, where are you going?” Jhere asked from the sofa.
“Its nice outside, I’m going to take a walk.” Khor responded sarcastically.
“I’m coming with you!” Jhere said as he got up.
“Please. If you can’t even defeat me, there’s no way your going to be able to slay Shades. If that’s even what’s out there.”
“I’ll get changed really quickly. Wait for me.” Jhere ran towards his quarters.
“Ah, no.” Replied Khor as he walked off. In the hallway Khor heard Jhere struggling to tie on his cutlass as he attempted to catch up with Khor. Khor continued walking and Jhere finally caught up with him.
“You were serious when you said you weren’t waiting.”
“I don’t joke about a lot of things.” Khor knew it was a lie. In fact because of his comments, he was forced to fight a full Guardian.
“So what are we going to do if the Shades break through the castle’s defenses?”
“Run.” Replied Khor simply. They continued their walk to the grounds.
“I doubt you’d run from anything. Even if you were surrounded by a hundred Shades.”
Jhere’s light mood was at complete odds with the sound of faint screams in the background. They finally reached the door that would lead them to the grounds in the entrance hall. The screaming grew louder as they approached the door. Khor turned his gaze down and said,
“Now its time to show me what you can really do.”
“Umm… Why’re you talking to yourself?”
“I’m talking to…”
“Hm?”
“Never mind.”
The two opened the door and walked outside. There was every Instructor and Master in the entire school standing there, waiting at the massive white brick wall. Khor and Jhere rushed towards the nearest knot of Instructors.
One Instructor looked back and saw Khor and Jhere running towards them.
“Students are supposed to be in their quarters!”
“Head Master Jyrool himself requested our presence!” Khor shouted back.
“Highly unlikely.” Replied the Instructor and he ran over to head off Khor and Jhere. Khor barely slipped through the Instructor’s grasp and continued running for the staircase leading towards the top of the wall. Khor could feel his shadow tense at the sight of danger. “Not yet.” Khor murmured to his shadow as he continued his run for the wall. Jhere quickly caught up with him a second later and they finally made it to the staircase leading to the top of the wall.
The two young students climbed the stairs while the light from torches flickered on the slightly upward curved hall lead them. When they finally reached the top of the stairs they looked out upon the glimmering ocean. The city on the other side of the bridge was completely engulfed in flames.
The sounds a screams could easily be heard now even across the waters. A large black mass was forming at the opposite end of the long bridge. Khor guessed it was over five thousand Shades. There was probably more to come. He gazed out at the shimmering ocean. There was a very small glimmering figure that caught the moon light.
“.” Khor muttered in the ancient language needed to make complex spells. He made a large circle with both of his hands. When he finished he put them up to his eyes and stared, once again, at the spot where he saw the shimmering object once before. There was nothing but water gleaming in the pale moonlight. He took apart his hands and the magnifying spell dissipated.
He returned his attention back to the end of the bridge. There was now a black mass so large it seemed a miracle it once fit inside the town. The mass of Shades were now seeping onto the pure white bridge. There seemed to be over ten thousand more gathered there from the time Khor last looked. “Now are you nervous?” Asked Jhere, trembling. The large mass of inky black figures started to march towards the castle gates.
~*~*~
Knall lay silently, staring up at the stars on his back. The fire next to him crackled happily. He looked over, starring at the bright flames. He turned his head once more and continued his gaze to the stars. There was no need to find shelter as the other fearsome beasts that resided in the Black Mountains left him alone because they were afraid of the eight foot tall, sharp taloned beast. Knall’s long antenna curled and out stretched on its own accord. Every now and then Knall would watch his two antennas curl over themselves and stretch out to touch unknown things.
He lay on his back on the hard rock and continued to gaze at the stars. Knall was near the edge of the mountain ranges and was near the small clump of woods the humans called The Rythrin Forest. He didn’t understand why the humans forbad entry but it was away from his home and he thought he might find shelter there. He closed his eyes and silently fell to sleep.
He woke up to the sound of rocks tumbling down the mountain he lay on. The sun hung low in the sky and was bathing the scenery in red light. He sat up and looked around. Nothing had changed.
Knall stamped out the smoldering fire with his large, clawed foot. He looked ahead and began walking. It didn’t take him very long until he was wandering the open fields of grass that lay beyond the rocky terrain he was use to. His blank, round, yellow eyes blinked as he scanned the new landscape he was so unaccustomed. There were a few trees scattered around the empty meadows.
Knall had never seen trees before. Having lived in rocky, barren land all his life and approached a tall weeping willow that sat on the edge of a small pond. Knall put a large black hand on the tree and felt its roughness. He lightly slid his hand across the tree mesmerized. It’s… Very beautiful. So delicate, yet strong enough to stand several hundred years. Knall sat down and leaned against the tree, facing the pond. He closed his eyes feeling very peaceful. After a few moments of rest he stood up and continued his journey.
The light on the grassy ground he walked on, danced as the trees swayed with the wind. Knall couldn’t keep his imagination from running wild. There were too many new things all around him. For once he saw a creature that didn’t have claw or teeth. He saw fish, birds, dogs, bugs. So much life all around him.
Knall’s travels continued slowly. He took much time out of the day to stop by a riverside and read book on the subject of sorcery. The first sign of civilization he came across in a long time was a small village. Mostly huts made of mud and straw. He approached the small gathering of huts and walked on the roads. Not before long a short man ran out of a near hut and started screaming gibberish at the tall Shade.
Knall approached the small bipedal creature with as much gentleness as he had the birds of the sky or the fish of the sea. The small creature stepped back sharply. Knall tilted his head in confusion. He extended his hand so the small man could test him if he wanted. The man ran into his hut and returned a few seconds later with a younger creature of the same species, and with a large spear.
Knall took it that humans were very hostile and inched closer. The small man lunged with a war cry. The tiny weapon barley tarnished Knall’s black skin. Soon many more small creatures came running with their spears and swords. Knall ran.
He knew he could dispose of these tiny creatures easily but he had no desire to hurt them. And Knall kept running. He soon found shelter in a small forest before it began to rain. Knall hung his head low as he still became wet by the small amounts of water falling from the sky. He looked up into the dark sky and, inside, sighed.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,014 Literary Works • 672,845 Reviews
Just a few points the others missed and generally I liked this section but I agree that the students wouldn't just sit inside and discuss the danger...
[s]He[/s] His face suddenly became very serious.
And on top of our walls, catapults, and magical barriers we also have a full castle of grown warriors.
The two young students climbed the stairs while the light from torches flickered on the slightly upward curved hall [s]lead[/s] before them.
He looked over, [s]starring[/s] staring at the bright flames.
His blank, round, yellow eyes blinked as he scanned the new[ccolor=red], unfamiliar[/color] landscape[s] he was so unaccustomed[/s].
The tiny weapon [s]barley[/s] barely tarnished Knall’s black skin.
Overall, I'm liking Knall a lot and this was an interesting section.
Should be The sounds OF screams...
Other than that, keep going! v.v.v.v.v.v. good!
Interesting plot developing!
Keep posting!!
~SishBee~
x
Inky's said everything needful.
Should I be happy or annoyed at that, Inkster? 
Anyways, I'd just point out that you don't seem to be taking comments on board. Sorry, but you keep on doing the thing with the commas and small letters at the end of speech. Pointing it out again and again is a waste of time and gives me a headache.
But: if at first you don't friccasay, fry, fry a hen.
-Twit
You'd better update before Nick gets back from vacation, or lettuce heads WILL roll! XD
You know the system
Headmaster whazizface seems an awful lot like Dumbledore and Harry.
:/realism rant:
You wield a chef's knife against sentences. They're just that choppy. XD
You've said that he looked at the ocean twice now
More cabbage heads will roll if you keep up this "ink" crap, Pol! :shakes fist:
Knall, I'd like to recommend some dermatologists who specialize on the back.... :rofl:
They didn't run?
Aw, poor Knally!
Stupid villagers. They chased away Frankenstein's monster away, too, the idiots.
Your main problems here:
1. You keep repeating information.
Like the star thing, and how Khor gazed at the ocean. Once is enough, you know ^^
2. Choppiness!
It's enough to make a sous chef proud, but that's not necessarily good with writing! Let it flow naturally, don't slice it up! (And don't listen to the sous chef...silly French guy, flowing is for writers!)
Other than that, the usual "CAS", 'n stuff.
I noticed that when you weren't chopping the text to bits you wrote the sentences waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too long. Enough to make a spaghetti-maker proud. (I'm hungry.)
Let it flow, dude, and be sure to proofread it before putting it up! A lot of your errors could be easily spotted either by a spellchecker or a proofread!
I'm hooked.
UPDATE!!!!!! >.<
~Sumi
P.S.
Sorry if I seemed a bit sarcastic. Hunger makes me sarcastic. >,<
Wow...You'd better finish this story or a lot of people will be mad at you, I didn't want to stop! First the whole idea of a warriors school (I think that's what it was, at least that's the impression I got) is really cool. The only thing I didn't get about it was the sentance about Khor fighting a full Guardian, you might want to explain that a little better. Second I really, really like how your two main characters are somewhat enemies (so far as the reader knows at this point). That provides for a very cool plot line (either they become friends or duke it out). This has a lot of potential so KEEP IT UP!!!
Sorry that I didn't go to indepth, but that was just cause there wasn't enough bad things about it to be worth pointing out! Please PM me if there is more.
-Jay of the green cloak