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Young Writers Society



Unknown Story Chap 19 part 1

by Poltergiest


~Chapter Nineteen~

The Wound of the Earth

Knall awoke as the sun was barely creeping over the tips of the mountains. He stood and looked around. He was standing in the nook where two small hills met. Derez was standing nearby, looking into the distance.

They were close. Knall could tell, Derez had been barely sleeping and constantly on the watch. Knall had read about The Wound of the Earth but had never seen it. Hardly anyone had, the journey through the mountains being far too fierce for most travelers.

From the information he had gathered from Derez and various textbooks, he came to understand it was a massive fissure, larger than any in the world. It was created by the great battle by Kynth and the mysterious power that Derez feared so much.

This last part wasn’t even looked over in any book he had found and found it extremely lucky that Derez had been there to explain it to him. Derez began to walk up one of the slopes at an angle and Knall quickly followed.

It’s getting colder. He thought, rubbing his arms. I hope we’re not still in the mountains during the winter. That could be bad. Knall looked around and saw the clouds high above breaking apart after the storm last night, sending thin beams of light into the grey mountains so far below.

“Why are we going there again?” Knall asked. Derez kept walking silently and finally answered when he reached a fair sized ledge that he began to walk on. “We need to be there,” Knall felt anger rising up and took a deep breath. He hated it when he did this. Answering but not with a sufficient statement. Knall followed, pulling his wings in towards himself to make himself warmer.

They walked higher and higher until the cold was nearly unbearable. “Please do not use magic here,” Knall hadn’t thought about that.

“Why, we used a lot of magic back in the valley.”

“We can’t risk him seeing use this close to our destination. He’s almost always looking now.”

“How do you sense when magic is being used?”

“I’ll teach you sometime. Please, we are nearly there,” Knall closed his mouth and followed excitedly. Knall could see the top of the large rocky hill and saw Derez stop at the summit. Knall quickly ran up and joined him.

Knall was looking down on the most amazing thing he had ever seen. There was a fissure in the ground larger than anything he could have ever imagined. The surrounding area seemed nearly devoid of mountains except for one larger than the rest.

This mountain had a massive slit in the side and was pouring water swiftly down the side. The massive river flowed down to the fissure and ran to each end. It was a massive waterfall, the water flowing down the fissure in a smooth sheet.

The fissure was so large and deep he could only see darkness stretching below and it was midday. The sound of the water flowing harshly and quickly down the mountain and down the fissure was like a thousand crashes all at once. It would have been much louder if he heard the water hit the bottom of the fissure but it was so deep Knall had no idea where it ended.

Knall stood gazing at this marvel wide eyed and stunned. He merely stood while Derez moved down the rocky hill and Knall slowly followed. Knall kept one eye on The Wound of the Earth while going down the side.

He eventually found the words that were stuck in his throat and said, “T-that’s The Wound of the Earth?” Derez smiled and answered,

“Amazing isn’t it? It’s hard to believe such a beautiful thing came from such a terrible act of destruction,” Knall dumbly nodded and finally reached the bottom of the hill.

For about a mile in all directions of the fissure was smooth, polished rock. Knall looked down and nearly laughed. They were slowly approaching the fissure and Knall began to notice strange symbols etched into the polished stone.

They soon formed into abruptly weaving lines and soon created a massive pattern, stretching in all directions. Knall gazed down in astonishment but continued to move. He saw Derez smile as they reached the edge of The Wound of the Earth.

Every line suddenly stopped an exact inch from the edge, creating a thin border. Knall stood with his toes on the edge and gazed down. They were on the opposite side of where the water poured down and Knall saw it dropping in what looked like a solid sheet of water.

Knall gazed further down and saw it billow into the darkness, not seeing the bottom. Knall reached inside himself and quickly retrieved the stone he had first manipulated.

He tossed it over the edge and watched it fall. It spun slightly but if there was a sound of it hitting the bottom it would have been drowned out by the sound of the crashing water.

Derez began to move away while Knall was still watching the smooth stone fall. He eventually tore his gaze away and caught back up with Derez. He walked beside him as they began to walk across the tip of the fissure. “Why did we have to come here?” Derez simply pointed to the mountain that was pouring water into The Wound. Knall looked up but saw nothing special or significant.

Knall followed Derez as he began to climb the mountain. It seemed like a short journey somehow. They were at the top soon and looking down at the massive gash. They were standing next to the long slash where water was gushing from.

The gash was over seven fully grown Shades long and two high. The water soared down and eventually hit the mountain very far below where if fanned out to each tip of the fissure and dropped down as a sheet.

Derez began to run his hand lightly over the rock surface to the right of the slash while Knall gazed down. Knall turned and saw Derez push into the rock wall violently. A round portion of the rock pushed inward and returned.

A large rectangle to the left of the spot swiveled backward, revealing a dark hallway. Knall looked down it suspiciously and followed Derez down the hidden passageway. The door swiveled shut behind him and he glanced back, seeing all light fade away.

He saw a darker outline of Derez in front of him and followed it. It was a straight and cool hallway also made of smoothly polished stone. Knall ran his hand on the wall and felt intertwining lines make a beautiful pattern in the wall.

Derez stopped abruptly and Knall nearly ran into him. Derez reached out a hand and knocked on a large wooden door Knall hadn’t noticed was there. The door swung inward and shed light into the dark hallway…


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Sat Oct 20, 2007 4:09 pm
greenjay wrote a review...



Wound of the Earth? SWEET! Maybe I'll finally find out what's going on :D.

It was created by the great battle by Kynth and the mysterious power that Derez feared so much.

"inbetween" might be a better word.

This mountain had a massive slit in the side and was pouring water swiftly down the side. The massive river flowed down to the fissure and ran to each end. It was a massive waterfall, the water flowing down the fissure in a smooth sheet.

All the bold words have been used twice or more in this paragraph. Try to use some other words like large instead of massive and chasm instead of fissure.

They soon formed into abruptly weaving lines and soon created a massive pattern, stretching in all directions.

again with the repatition. Maybe use "quickly" or suddenly in place of one of the "soon"s.

AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! Don't end THERE. That's got to be...illigal or something! What's in there? Who's in there? Grrr...the next section better come soon or :smt083 :smt075 :smt044 .

Good cliffhanger and good section. The only problems were those repetitions and some basic grammar stuff that I didn't comment on (mostly commas). You can fix that on the final draft so no big deal. Very good job! Awesome. I love the Wound of the Earth and the waterfall. It's sweet. Good job.

-the greenest bird around





Books give a soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination, and life to everything
— Plato