Unknown Story Chap. 10 part 2

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Knall awoke to the light of the sun bursting through the open window. He put his hand over his eyes and sat up in his soft bed. He let his eyes adjust to the bright light and stood. He walked through the main area and walked into the kitchen. He opened a cabinet retrieved a pan. He set it on the stove and whispered, “.” A spark shot underneath the pan and a steady flame was burning brightly.

Knall retrieve two eggs from another cabinet and smashed them both on the edge of the pan. A sticky clear liquid leaked out of the pearly white shell. They settled at the bottom of the pan and began to bubble. “.” Knall said quietly, the burner frosted over and stopped cooking the eggs. Knall grasped the pan and overturned it above his mouth. The eggs fell into Knall’s mouth and he swallowed them whole.

Knall sat down and gazed out at the sunrise. The shining red disc had just begun to creep over the hills in the far off distance. He heard fast footsteps outside his door and turned around. The door burst into several pieces and Rezlel came rushing through them. Knall stood, seeing how angry he was.

“Knall!” Knall walked up to him and looked very confused. “What did you do?!” Knall shrugged his shoulders with wide eyes.

“Do you have any idea who you let in last night?!” Knall shook his head, shocked,

“Was I not supposed to? He seemed to know the tower and even had a room.” He replied feebly.

“You let in-“ At that moment the boor dissolved and the man from last night stepped in. He was wearing a deep blue shirt, black pants; silver, metal boots, and had arranged his hair neatly. Most curved off to one side and concealed most of his left eye. He walked in with an air of power and authority. He had his hands in his pockets and looked at Rezlel sternly.

“Me.” He finished Rezlel’s sentence for him and casually walked over to the pair. Rezlel bowed quickly and turned back to Knall. “You-“

“Rezlel!” The man’s voice cut through the air fiercely and Rezlel was instantly silenced.

“Knall. I knew something like this would happen and I apologize for Rezlel’s ill manners. He is angry because he believed you did not give me the respect I deserved. Knall, I am Derez. The first of The Four.” Knall stared wide eyed at him for a moment. The kind man he had let in last night was obviously the first of The Four Great Wizards. Knall could obviously tell he was in need of much respect and now felt very foolish for demanding him to leave.

“Rezlel, please do not pester Knall any longer about this. He has done nothing wrong and I believe you two must continue Knall’s lessons. Now if you’ll excuse me...” He left the room and Rezlel turned on Knall.

“Derez apparently does not want to be bothered by this at the moment. We will continue your training.” Rezlel turned and Knall followed. The traversed many hallways and progressed down several levels before they were in front of the same door which held the training arena behind it.

The door dissolved and the two stepped through it. Rezlel once again stepped into the center of the sand area and snapped his fingers. The walls receded and the training area increased severely. Bamboo shoots shot out of the sand as did the massive rocks. The stretched for the ceiling and seemed to never stop moving. Knall flexed his wings, readying himself for the chase. Without a word Rezlel shot up and was lost in the darkness. Knall ran out to the pit and beat down to take off. He soared in the air slowly and saw Rezlel’s shadow disappear in the distance.

Knall increased the beating speed and soared faster. He veered left and right to avoid shoots that he could now dodge easily. As he soared higher the shoots became more numerous and began to jut out of creases of the rocks. Knall only had to move a small amount to dodge them and continued to soar higher and higher…

Knall continued his training with Rezlel for several weeks. He barely left his room after what happened with Derez and failed time after time while trying to reach Rezlel. He now had nearly complete control of his wings but there was an unseen barrier blocking him from complete mastery.

Every time he got closer to reaching Rezlel the barrier held him back and he simply could not go fast enough. Knall visited the room where he first appeared several times to review the books there. He had read nearly every book in his room and that room was the only he knew. Knall thought it could be disastrous if he stumbled into a room that could contain secrets of dangers. Knall had not seen Myvel since the day they met. He felt extremely isolated and wanted to break free of the invisible bonds…

Comments & reviews · 2
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User avatar
Rydia
Review
Rydia wrote a review · Tue Oct 02, 2007 9:03 pm

Hello again! This is a very short section, isn't it? You have some interesting dialogue, still lacking a bit where description is concerned but good plot and overall, it's going really well! A few suggestions -

He opened a cabinet retrieved a pan. He set it on the stove and whispered, “????.” [A lot of your sentences are short and jerky so why not roll them into one like 'He opened a cabinet, retrieved a pan, set it on the stove and whispered...']

Knall retrieved two eggs from another cabinet and smashed them both on the edge of the pan.

“???.” Knall said quietly, the burner frosted over and stopped cooking the eggs. [Perhaps change this to '...Knall said quietly, causing the burner to frost over and stop cooking the eggs.']

The shining red disc had just begun to creep over the hills in the [s]far off[/s] distance.

They stretched [s]for[/s] towards the ceiling and seemed to never stop moving.

He had read nearly every book in his room and that room was the only one he knew.

Overall, I'm probably just repeating myself but I liked this and it just needs tidying up a bit and then it will be even better.

User avatar
greenjay
Review

“You let in-“ At that moment the boor dissolved and the man from last night stepped in.

I think you meant door

The (they) traversed many hallways and progressed down several levels before they [s]were[/s] stood in front of the same door which held the training arena behind it.


Knall visited the room where he first appeared several times to review the books there. He had read nearly every book in his room and that room was the only he knew.

I think you should reword these sentances, they are kinda confusing.

Anywho, good job. Knall rocks, especially now that he has wings :D. I like how things are going. Write on!

-greenie



If a million people say a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing.
— Anatole France