Khor followed Rakari to all other classes after that and eventually stepped out of the final class. Students were still mumbling about Khor’s victory over Mr. Kyrala. Luckily Rakari didn’t trouble him about it and when the two were about to go their separate ways to their rooms she said, “Uh… Do you want a tour of Mourn?”
Khor’s eyes widened and his spirits boosted. He tried not to answer immediately and started by shifting the several books he had been given in the single day. “Uh, sure.”
“K.” She responded. “I’ll need to drop my things off at my room.” Reminded, Khor ran up and grabbed the bag. “Thanks.” She said. Khor smiled to her and the two traveled down to the student’s quarters. She opened the door to her room and took the books from Khor.
Khor remained in the doorway and peered in. Her room was almost exactly like Khor’s except hers had black sheets hanging from the ceiling. She also had a small white lamp on the table.
He stepped back out and Rakari closed and locked the door. He followed her around the large castle. “First we’ll go see The Keep. That’s were the fully grown dragon’s stay most of the time.” Khor smiled and nodded in response.
Khor followed Rakari around the enormous castle. The Keep was a massive room with crisscrossing pillars going every way. There were dozens of multicolored dragons. They mostly kept their distance.
The Nests were basically extremely long rows of eggs. Each was carefully looked after and provided for. Khor reached out and touched a milky black egg and quickly left fro fear of getting caught, this brought amusement to Rakari, causing her to laugh most of the way out.
The two eventually found their way to the atrium. Khor had seen it from the outside and thought it was even bigger from the inside. It was essentially a duplicate of the one near Friizen’s office only several hundred times larger.
There were many he plants set up in a way so you could choose different paths. Khor and Rakari walked around the atrium, talking. She discussed how she was raised in Mourn and that was all she ever knew. Here father died on an assignment, just like Khor’s.
Khor found it surprisingly easy to talk about himself and his past. He told her how he was raised up in the Academy, and about the attack. He soon began to spill everything that had happened since the attack.
About Kizen who had invaded his mind. About his journey with Vathen and how he had to escape from The Last City and how they had eventually come here. She gasped several times, especially when he told her about the mud pit and how he nearly drowned.
She returned his life story with hers. She spoke of when she was very little she had discovered her magical powers before anyone else. Also how she was ignored and alone because others had feared her growing power.
She said her power was almost like that of a Shade. She had a nearly never ending supply. When her powers had become untamable and uncontrollable Friizen himself taught her how to control her powers.
She then reached out and tapped the petal of a nearby flower. The second she touched it blossomed and became more vibrant. Khor smiled at her. Not knowing what he was doing at all he reached out and grasped her hand.
She did not turn away or wrench back her hand. Instantly relieved Khor held on and the two began walking again. They eventually came to the edge of the atrium, looking into the endless raining landscape.
The darkness and cold scene stretched out before the two. Before Khor had labeled each student he came across but only now realized every one had a unique story and past. Khor’s gaze flickered from the outside towards Rakari.
She looked across at him and they both smiled. She broke their gaze and glanced at a clock. Knowing how late it was Khor looked back at her. He leaned foreword and lightly kissed him on the cheek.
“Thanks for being here.” She whispered. Rakari turned around and headed back towards the entrance of the atrium. Taking the hint Khor sat on the cold metal floor and gazed out at rain.
The entire day had felt like a dream. Going from normality to something he had never suspected his spirits rose as he thought of her. Khor eventually stood and returned to his quarters, smiling the whole way.
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125,014 Literary Works • 672,845 Reviews
Very good though you do have to make sure the romance doesn't move too fast and don't let it consume your story but try not to lose it either. Lol. I bet you're tired of warnings now! Anyway, good description, great plot development and just a few suggestions -
Khor followed Rakari to all their other classes after that and eventually stepped out of the final class.
That’s where the fully grown [s]dragon’s[/s] dragons stay most of the time.”
The Keep was a massive room with criss-crossing pillars going every way.
There were many of the plants set up in a way so you could choose different paths.
She spoke of when she was very little, how she had discovered her magical powers before anyone else.
The second she [s]touched[/s] did so, it blossomed and became more vibrant.
Taking the hint Khor sat on the cold metal floor and gazed out at the rain.
Other than that, good job and I look forward to reading more.
Slow down! There's a lot of typos, and it feels a bit rushed. Criticism aside, though, I loved it! Rakari is awesome.
) is to make sure she's a part of whatever grand plot you're cooking up.
I love fantasy romances.
Like greenjay said, be careful -- romance can get tricky. An easy way to avoid losing track of her (like in a war
This is premature advice, because you haven't lost her yet, obviously. I thought I'd be proactive and add that you don't want to center the book on her, either, unless you're writing a romance. If you are, omg, YES.
I loved the part with the egg, by the way. Absolutely Hollywood -- in a good way.
~ aisho
One thing I noticed was the title's spelt wrong.
Typos suck.
I can see what you're trying to say but you've gone about it the wrong way.
It's spelt 'kay.
That word is very awkward in there. Try something like, "Her words reminded Khor to run up and grab the bag."
travelled
The word about doesn't make the right impact here. Use something like "He told her about ............" . Then use about for the other subjects.
So far, so good! Nice chapter you have going here and you've done Khor and Rakari's inital meetings well. Tread carefully around romance though. Liek Greenjay said, it's the bane of many a writer.
for
her...don't you hate typos?
Ahh...Either she kissed him or he kissed her.
Romance, the nice little thing that kills so many writers. Personally, I stink at it. In my current story there is a little romance at the start, but then the girl drops off the face of the earth cause I forget about her in the midst of the awesome war (oops)!
You did a good job with it though, and hopefully you won't do what I did
Good job. Top notch as usual.
-your resident miscolored bird