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140,079 Literary Works • 673,000 Reviews
So this may not be your best, but what makes it awesome is the pure, raw emotion that just radiates from it! I love it! Especially because I've seen this exact same scenario play out in my personal life, It makes even more of a connection with me. I love it.
You never fail to dissapoint Pix :3
~Andrew
11/10
frick! - *you never disappoint
Aww. This one was a sad one to read, and yet, it was totally open. You didn't hold back, and that means something. However, I did notice something. The spiky hair line. If you had said,"And your eyes, a lovely blue" I think that would have been easier for the reader to keep the flow going. Just a thought.
Overall, it was cute and sad. 4/5
Cute poem you have here! I just have a few grammatical things to mention.
Your spiky hair,
And eyes a lovely blue.
Nothing actually wrong about it, but it feels awkward somehow. Rephrasing it would help it to sound smoother.
I know you think I’m crazy,
But that’s alright.
Same here, it sounds bumpy and doesn't fit the overall rythm.
Your just like Charlie,
And you’re dancing’s pretty tight.
Got "your" and "you're" mixed up. Remember, "your" is possesive, like your poem or your dancing. "You're" means "you are", like you're (you are) going somewhere, you're (you are) just like Charlie. When in doubt, say the sentence using you are and see if it makes sense. If it does, use "you're", if not, use "your".
Overall, great job!