Lonesome
Her hands graze the carving,
The decrepit wood delicately fascinating her turquoise eyes.
She lets her diamonds fall,
The ghastly whispers of desperation overwhelming her senses.
Her body trembles,
Slowly beginning to give up her graceful life at stake.
She lets herself suffer,
Memories of past repulsive incidents floating past her spirit.
Though she doesn’t care,
Allowing herself to become loathsome and depressed as she does.
But no one remembers,
Where she had went, or why she left.
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Canary word: Present
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139,521 Literary Works • 672,596 Reviews
PIX!
Hi. I shall review this now.
Content:
- Great. I don't see much of a problem with this. The only thing I can say is that the second to last stanza sounds a little strange. It might just be the wording, but something is off about it.
Etc:
- Your grammar is great. I hardly ever see a problem with you in this category. Rhythmically speaking, you keep the pattern of it pretty well. The last stanza doesn't fit, but don't you dare change that. That's my favorite one. : ) Anyways, the only other things I have to say is that you don't have to capitalize every line. Follow the rules of punctuation. If you put a comma at the end of one line, the start of the second shouldn't be capitalized unless it's a proper noun.
Other than that, this is awesome! I love your poetry, by the way.
Down to the guessing the meaning...
1) She's mourning a loss. Perhaps it's a loss of a loved one, a loss of her own life, or maybe she's mourning for herself or is ashamed of something she's done.
2) Something devastating happened to her and she's finally coming to terms with it while feeling sorry for herself because of what did.
3) Her past. She did something... saw something that makes her feel desperate and depressed.
Reward? o.O
~ Rocky
Nope. S'wrong. xD
Nope. S'wrong. xD
the writing is good, and how do i put it? Very... mysterious.
I'm going to take a shot in the dark and put my two cents in:
1) She's at a graveyard, mourning the loss of someone, the tombstone being the carving.
2) She's doing something that involves her death, her sacrifice, at her own will because she's depressingly depressed.
3)She is depressed because of her violent past.
I don't understand the diamond part though. I don't know if your describing when sometimes people offer gifts for the afterlife, or... something else.
You can correct me if I'm wrong.
The diamonds represent tears, actually.