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The Crow

by PixieStix

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13 Reviews

Points: 179
Reviews: 13

Tue Jun 08, 2021 11:15 am
InJung15 wrote a review...

Hey here for a quick review!!

First of all I loved your use of sensory imagery which painted a rather dark, eerie and ominous setting in my head and it just made the whole piece so much better. Also adding a visual element to me was a great idea to put more emphasis on the main topic itself and aid in creating a vivid image of what is happening throughout your poem.

Overall id say great job it was a pleasure to read such a talented writing, hope to see more in the future!

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Points: 350
Reviews: 3

Mon Jun 07, 2021 6:48 pm
GoodieGoat wrote a review...

Hello, I very much enjoyed your poem. While reading it I interpreted it as being set in a city and a gun fight has happened, though I may be wrong. Your first line is an exellent may to start, it makes me imagine being on a sidewalk looking at a sunset through a treeline. Your fourth line is my favorite, it read to me as though 'those who have golden strings' are in a tough time in regards to life, and they 'seek the silver' to 'end their bad dream. The gold/silver dynamic also reminded me of the women from Greek mythology that supposedly would control peoples fates through golden strings. I was very moved by this.

Your second stanza does an exellent job depicting the activities of night dying down as the sun rises, though death has occurred by morning. I found myself thinking of the meaning of the 'Gold against Silver' line. My though is that the women is in horror as she sees bodies on cobblestone and the silver bullets contrasting against the golden bodies of the victims. The final four lines made me imagine a crowd gathering around the deceased shocked and being worried about what will befall the neighborhood next. I was taken by the 'Fate has shot through the city in a heartbeat' line, given how shooting is the reason behind the tragedy.

To offer some feedback the only thing I noticed was the rhyming, as only down and grown are an approximate rhyme with each other. Though your intent may have been for this to be free verse. If that is the case please ignore this feedback.

Overall this is exellent. It made me tear up a bit sitting alone by myself.

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16 Reviews

Points: 273
Reviews: 16

Mon Jun 07, 2021 1:17 pm
FourLeafClover wrote a review...

Hey! I'm here to review your poem!

So, first of all, this is really good! Here's how:
1. I liked how you kept using the rivalry of gold and silver throughout the poem. That helped with keeping it consistent, which was very good since people like when things stay consistent.
2. The way you described everything kept it really interesting. It kept me (the reader) on edge and really captivated. It's really hard for me to actually pay attention to stuff, so the fact that you kept me paying attention means that it was really interesting.
3. The content was also really good. The whole people-are-dying-at-night-from-gunfire theme, along with how the crow was standing over the bodies, was a really great idea for a poetry topic.
Okay, I think I've put in enough good stuff.

Time for the singular con I found.
The only con I found was that some of the lines didn't really flow that well. One example of this would be the last two lines of the first stanza. Maybe if you separated the 2nd to last line in the first stanza into two lines, it would flow better. Same with the fourth line, the seventh line, the 2nd to last line, and possibly even the last line in the 2nd stanza.

All in all, I think you did really well with this poem!
Thanks for reading, and I hope you have a great rest of your day!

Work expands to fill the time available for its completion.
— C. Northcote Parkinson