Young Writers Society

OMG I thought this was good. It's like I can almost see what you mean when I read this. I enjoyed it was really good. Even though it was short it had a lot of emotion and feeling. I loved how you organized the stanzas.

--Bre

Hey Pixie! I really enjoyed your poem. I especially loved how brief it was. For me shorter poetry is easier to digest, and with this one, by making it so short and to the point, it really drives things home. Now for the stanza by stanza!

'Shattered windows'

While I really love the visual in this line, I don't quite see the meaning behind it. It reads really well, and as I said two seconds ago, the visual is great, but I think you could add something more meaningful and just as powerful here.

The second and third line are great. I'm going to take a second to go ahead and say the third line was my favorite. It reminds me of the band Taproot, the way it rhymes, and the pattern going on. It was a very beautiful line, and it was timed perfectly.

The second stanza is the best, but I think it should be the first stanza instead of the second. It just seems that if you ordered it that way, it would guide the story towards the third line of the second stanza and nail in that last point really well.

I thoroughly enjoyed this poem. While it was short, there's nothing wrong with that. Short poetry like this can be just as expressive as a long, abstract poem muddled down with useless talk. This poem is gets to the point quickly and vividly, and I loved that. Keep up the good work Pixie!

Hi there, I am here to review this piece. (obviously!) So I hope all this helps.

Its short and sweet and to the point, but you already knew that. It is a good poem, and there isnt much I would change, the first stanza being my favorite with its beautiful imagery and easy flow with the rhyming, but there are a few things.

1. Many of your reviewer's have already told you that "Given a chance to finally make it." is awkward and out of place and I have to agree with them. You give off this somber tone about all the hurt fame can produce, only to show a glimpse of happiness. And since it is only a peek and this happy feeling I am left going "Huh?" Perhaps change the line or delete it entirely.

2. Rhyming without it being to forced is hard to do, and I can only aplaud you on the first stanza, and that is thunderous applause. Now the second stanza is lacking, like a bunch. I feel it is a very forced rhyme between "delicate" and "it". It is almost to the point where I have to go back and make the words rhyme myself, and that isn't good. f you don't mind I do have a suggestion that you are free to use.

"Last whisper,/ A little too delicate/ yet creates a web so intracate" See a little less forced, a lot better flow. And it allows for expansion if you decide to do that.

3. This is a little bit of the grammar girl in me. You can't end a sentance with a preposition. And I don't think you can end a poem like that either. It just leaves so much left unsaid. It doesn't close the poem very well.

Overall it is a good poem. I suggest expansion and clearing up somethings to help the flow. How ironic is it that such a short poem got such a long review! Good job and good luck!

most people might say this is way too short, but I think it is meant to be short. I think a truly good poet is someone that can explain something in the least words possible. you are a beautiful writer!!! never give up on your dreams of singing(wink wink X Factor) and keep writing:)


~Lylas

I really like this, and I think it portrays an accurate description of many people's experiences of fame. It seems heartfelt and to the point. I think the short length makes it feel sincere and helps it stick in your head. I agree that "Given a chance to finally make it" seem akward and out of place. It doesn't really rhyme with delicate, which is I think what you were trying to do. It is still a really good poem, though, so keep writing!

I enjoy poems that are straight forward and too the point. This is one of those poems. You have easily conveyed emotions through just a few words and that, my friend, is a true gift. I don't often enjoy bulky poems that do not flow correctly, so I am happy that I read this one.

The line, "Given a chance to finally make it." is the only line I have a problem. It seems out of place and awkward compared to the other lines of your poem. However, I am not a poetry reviewing master like my colleague, Hannah. So, if you want good criticism, I suggest you PM her. Nonetheless, I was able to give my general impressions of the poem and I genuinely enjoyed it. Please, keep me posted on your writing. I would love to read more. Happy Writing!