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139,524 Literary Works • 672,598 Reviews
I teared up a bit reading this. It cut deep as I have been that close to someone and lost them. It is hard to keep going sometimes after something like that happens. But we manage. Thank you for sharing your raw intimate feelings with us. I feel your pain and I’m sorry they are gone. I hope you heal beautifully.
Amazing work! Thank you again for sharing with us.
I teared up a bit reading this. It cut deep as I have been that close to someone and lost them. It is hard to keep going sometimes after something like that happens. But we manage. Thank you for sharing your raw intimate feelings with us. I feel your pain and I’m sorry they are gone. I hope you heal beautifully.
Amazing work! Thank you again for sharing with us.
Hey PixieStix!
First of all, lemme just say that this is a beautiful poem! I love the feelings that you convey about how you love this person. I like how it's vague without being too vague, and specific enough to be interesting. In short, it's absolutely perfect, right in that sweet spot between detailed and ambiguous.
I love how much imagery in your poem, like the scent of their cologne, the sound of the Beatles' music, the touching of your hands. It helps the reader feel, and live the poem.
I like the part where you say:
That's a really nice way to put it, and it makes the reader visualize green vines entwined around each other.
This is a really good part:
Putting "One last time" in different lines put a lot of emphasis on the point that you want to make. I'm not sure you need a comma after each lines here though. You probably should just put commas after "I can still sense you". It's not really necessary to have commas after the other lines.
On the whole, it was a great poem. Can't wait to read more of your work.
Keep writing. <3
Hi PixieStix!! I'm Anne and here to review your piece
First of all, my deepest condolences for your loss.
This is a very heartwarming poem, I think everyone will be able to relate to.
Let's talk about it then
FLOW AND LANGUAGE
Both were equally amazing. All the stanzas complemented each other really well, and gave the poem a very wholesome vibe. The words are perfectly chosen and they keep the poem very elegant.
MEANING
The most beautiful part of this poem was the meaning. While some poems are ambiguous, I loved the fact that this one conveyed the message directly and to the point. It gave the meaning more impact, and touched the heart straight away.
Furthermore, the stanzas were entwined in an amazing manner. The reference to the all stanzas in the last one- using
made it the perfect ending.
I can't find any flaws in this one, it was perfect as it is. On the other hand, I feel the image chosen was bit vague, because even though it represents skies (symbolic for heaven and death) , both of these are not talked about directly in the poem. Maybe something more direct could have worked better. For example , referring to the 4th stanza, you could've chosen an image of two hands holding each other, but one is invisible or a little translucent. That would have connected better to the poem. But of course its your choice and I respect it
On the whole, I really enjoyed reading your poem. Keep writing <3
Hi slubbs here with a review.
I really liked this poem! Your word choices were fabulous,
“Tangling around my torso,
Like vines.”
This is such a good simile!
You can picture everything in great detail the only thing is I’m not sure what these person looks like, I wish you added hair colour or eye colour. I do the same thing though... XD
I feel like the flow of the story can be smoothed out a bit.
Anyhow I’m not sure if these people are apart now and I want to read more. haha
Overall it was very eye catching and I liked the words you used. I hope to read more of your work!
You’re an amazing poet, keep writing.
~slubbs