Lightning is all I see,
Screaming kids and,
Stomping feet.
Shooting guns and,
Blood in war,
You’re legs give out,
Can’t take no more.
But sometimes you just gotta let it in,
Let it take you down,
Let it win.
The stars can grant you everything,
No one to hold you,
No one to tell you it’s gonna be okay.
Wish upon a star and everything’ll be alright,
But theres still no one to hold you,
No One to tell you it's gonna be okay.
And injured is all I see,
Flashing lights and
Who I don’t wanna be.
Bombs and arrows,
Hit the ground,
Scare you’re heart when
You look around.
But sometimes you just gotta let it in,
Let it take you down,
Let it win.
The stars can grant you everything,
No one to hold you,
No one to tell you it’s gonna be okay.
Wish upon a star and everything’ll be alright,
But theres still no one to hold you,
No one to tell you it’s gonna be okay…..
But please don’t let me down,
Don’t let me drown in all this,
I don’t want to be found,
Oh, trust me I don’t,
Just be there for me .
The stars can grant you everything,
No one to hold you,
No one to tell you it’s gonna be okay.
Wish upon a star and everything’ll be alright,
But theres still no one to hold you,
No one to tell you it’s gonna be okay…..
But I know I’m gonna be okay
Oh yeah, I’m gonna be okay.
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139,546 Literary Works • 672,605 Reviews
Hello!!!
I would like to review your beautiful work:)
NEED TO WORK ON::::::
But theres still no one to hold you,
No One to tell you it's gonna be okay.
No one. not No One. check caps.
lots of repetition, tired me out. Maybe keep it in there but use it less.
But I know I’m gonna be okay
Oh yeah, I’m gonna be okay
I didn't like the Oh yeah, in this stanza or final lines. it didn't sound so good. maybe say I will be okay instead.
GOOD::::::::
I liked this over all.
Vivid words: drown; Lightning is all I see,
Screaming kids and,
Stomping feet.
Shooting guns and,
Blood in war,
You’re legs give out,
Can’t take no more
Favorite stanza(s): Lightning is all I see,
Screaming kids and,
Stomping feet.
Shooting guns and,
Blood in war,
You’re legs give out,
Can’t take no more
hope I was helpful!!!!
~Lylas
Everything you describe in this poem was very true. All the bloodshed & wars have been going on too long. You've shown that in your poem that everything will be okay. Also, as I began to read this, I couldn't help but notice that it sounded like a song to me. If this were a song, I'd listen to it all day long. Keep on writing more magnificent pieces of art!!
-Jake xD
I LOVE this poem! This is FANTASTIC! All of the stuff you wrote about was so true about what the world has really come to now. This was great. Keep writing!!
This is... wow...i'm speechless...
Ummm...............well, it was amazing!
...Since this is more a song than a poem, I won't critique you on stanzas and lining........
My only advice: Don't Change Anything!!!
That's all I can say...this is embarrassing...I'll be done now.
Write On,
~~Heidi~~