Darkness.
Velvet black, the rich, deep dark of true absence of light.
Somewhere, one could hear water flowing, dripping, and sometimes, bubbling.
He was aware.
Nothing entered this cave, this haven, without being noticed. Every bug, every worm, every mouse was detected as soon as they came near.
Yet, he knew nothing of himself. Nor did he think, exactly. His body, pale and sickly, had not seen the light of day for years.
Sometimes, while asleep, he dreamt of the sky, the sun, and a girl in red skirts.
The door slammed open.
He drew back from the light, frantically clawing at his face as if the dim lantern burned him. Ribs protruded from his chest, and his arms were bent awkwardly at his side.
A man studied him with distaste.
"Useless. Absolutely useless." He spat, his face in darkness.
The whimpering figure half crawled, half scrambled away from the one who had tormented him so long. He opened his mouth in protest, soundless.
"Talk, damn you!" He lashed out with his feet, catching the pitiful creature in the ribs. No sound came from the cowering man, and the looming latern bearer turned away, shutting him in darkness once more.
this is only the beginning... I hope to write more later 
End of chapter
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140,913 Literary Works • 673,732 Reviews
Wow. I like the style of it. I really want to read more! The one thing that I didn't really understand was the line:
"He was aware."
I didn't really understand what it was referring to. Was that just a way of showing there was a concious being in the cave?
The imagery is strong and fitting. I liked the way it apeals to more senses than vision. Though you might want to add scent to make it more vivid and completely submerge your readers in the cave.
hey cool piece, but then again you wrote it, lol. I really did like it, the start was great, hope you write and post more.
very god imagery my dear girl. loved it well and truly .....so I am waiting for some more so hurry up silly girl XD some bits need some editing but otherwise brilliant
Pretty catchy ^_^
But spelling mistakes all over the places hahaha.
Oh yeah and I noticed you say 'he/she spat' alot when you write so you might want to use something like 'he/she splattered/spluttered'.
And when you say 'talk, damn you', if you shorten it to 'talk' it's more effective and demanding if you know what I mean.
Overall that's awesome!!
I've heard of doors slamming shut...but never open...I don't know if I like t the wording so much.
This started out like poetry to me...I'm not a big fan of poetry, so personally this isn't my thing. I kept reading though, and it got better, but it was really too short to make much fair judgement. So, I shall say, Good Job, I hope to see more of this so I can be fair in my analysis =D
hehe, I'm pretty sure I saw part two around here somewhere....
-JC
This was interesting, but I think the details could have been done better. You over explained the darkness (we know what dark is) and you could give more attention to other things.
It was...neat, but it didn't really catch me either.
Hrmm interesting. I liked your word choice and what the character thought of the cave.
I wished the sentences were more linked though. It seems to jump from one thing to another.
okay i read it, ish.
The first few lines seem a bit like a poem to me XD
Yeah, it was good
now you must read mine, mwahahaha
A really good beginning with the isolation showing from the first few lines. And I got the impression this he was an animal at first through 'cave'. Would like to see more.
Myth
Wow. new, shiny story.
You got me interested...
and his arms where bent awkwardly at his side.
Should where be were?
=O This is the only thing I found wrong. Good work!
Wow, that was really good! Your descriptions are excellent. Even the darkness is crystal clear to me!
Your voice is so smooth and everything flows so nicely.
Keep it up!
Ok, now i gotta think of some advice...
The line, "Somewhere, one could hear water..." sounds a little off. I don't know if it should be "Somewhere, he could hear..." Of course, that's just how i hear it. It might sound right to everyone else.
Second, "a girl in red skirts" when you say "girl," do you mean a little girl, like his daughter, or a young woman? A little clarification might help.
Those are just little things. Overall, it is great, descriptive, but not too much so. I look forward to reading more
Very cool. I want to see more! MORE, I say!
*ahem*
I know this is unedited (and indeed, thrown together during a boring class) but-but-but... typos are my specialty... lol.
drempt > dreamt
absolutly > absolutely
Very well done. ^^