Feet kicked up the dust.
Elyn bounded along, raising up clouds of ochre, his legs like springs.
Tamia, on the other hand, was trudging along, her legs weighed down by fatigue, dust and reluctance. She tugged at the blanket draped over her head,
coarse wool scratching her cheek.
Sweat, dust and woolen hood combined to lower Tamia's spirits severly.
Thoughts spun around her head, prodding every moment of the last couple of weeks.
What was so special about this necklace?
Why did that man kill her mother?
Why, in spite of all her instincts, was she coming to befriend this happy little character bounding beside her?
Her eyes shifted to watch Elyn, a picture of cheeky innocence, yet strangely alert. There was wisdom in those bright eyes, hidden behind the naive grin.
She shifted her eyes back to the road as Elyn turned to speak to her.
"Tamia, we need provisions. There is a town... oh... two days hike from here?"
Tamia nodded, fingering her hood subconsciously. Her ears were covered, her face grubby, and she could pass as a normal human as long as no-one looked too close.
Elyn, on the other hand, would have to tuck his tail away. Elyn complained about this, but no normal town kid had a three-foot tail. He also complained about masquerading as a kid, but as Tamia pointed out, not many his age were only four foot tall.
They trudged along, heading for the settlement. Neither of them noticed, in the long grass, the shadow, tailing behind them just off the road.
End of chapter
Continue to next chapter Tamia's quest VIIIPoints:
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140,535 Literary Works • 673,407 Reviews
As I said on chat bad way to begin it's too rushed to begin can't explain it. I'm enjoying it though and Shadow noticed the thing you should really fix anyway on to next part.
Continuity here - in a previous chapter, you say Elyn is a child, then you say he is a young man, and now you say he's a kid again. Make your mind up, girl!
Apart from that, you need to structure your paragraphs better, as they shift about on the page, with bits here and the endings there and all. Still, good continuing of the story! When's the next bit coming?
-Twit
This was pretty good. You had really good description throughout, and I didn't really spot any typos.
The only thing I would change is the end, with the shadow. It's kind of hard to imagine someone following them unless you give a description of the surroundings so we can imagine how he could be staying hidded(ex. many large rocks around them, tall grass, etc...)
Other than that good job. Oh yeah, and make it a little longer!
-Tony