The air was warm, too warm for a winter's night. Bodies pressed around him, looming. Hands contained him, and everything was in flames. Faces, faces of simple, kind men and woman, they turned ugly, baying for death. He tried to cry out, yet nothing worked. It never worked for him.
And in imprisoned within the hungry fire , a face. A weeping face, her eyes looking straight at him. He reached out, straining to the safety of the woman, but hands kept him back. The flames cackled, devouring those eyes, her tears no more. Then they came, came closer, calling to him. It reached out, its breath strangely sweet, eyes of hard, glowing coals. Red teeth enclosed on him, golden crimson engulfing him. He struggled, yet it was no use. Slowly, he gave up, and saw only darkness.
Tyler shuddered, his eyes snapping open. His breath was ragged, coming in short gulps. The dream again. He rolled off his pallet, little more then straw on wood. He lay on the packed earth, shaking all over. As long as he memory could stretch, that dream had visited him. And it had never got any less confusing or frightening. He picked himself up, climbing into his rough tunic and breeches. He needed to clear his head.
He breathed the crisp night air, settling his thoughts on the now. Overhead, stars spread like a glittering blanket, or a minstrel's gaudy cloak.
Tyler walked down to the nearby stream, the grass brushing against his calves. He was staring into the dark water when he heard it.
A lone rider crested the hill, his horse breathing heavily and flecked with foam. It was a magnificent beast, dark in colour, it's coat glossy with health. But it was near exhaustion, his gait a slow and stumbling canter. Tyler could not see the rider in detail, but he was slumped in his saddle, obviously fatigued. Tyler crouched, curious at what this man was doing. What was he running from?
Why come here?
His musings were cut short when the horse pitched over, at the end of its energy, spilling the man to the ground. Tyler waited, waiting for the man to rise.
Nothing moved.
End of chapter
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140,535 Literary Works • 673,407 Reviews
Again very good. I like the nightmare. One thing that jumped at me other than the nothing moved, which has already been discussed was:
"He was staring into the dark water when he heard it."
I don't particularly like the word it and here it is just kind of annoying, and non discriptive. I think you might have been trying to make it dramatic, but maybe the ragged breathing and heavy footfalls... or something, just describe the sound. Doint leave your readers going: what sound?
To me that is a little barrier between me and being emersed in the situation with your character.
Great work though, really interesting.
Bonjour nuttychooky!
I think that, and please correct me if I'm wrong, there is a semicolon or period needed after the first "Faces". It is a simple thought, and the following sentence could possibly stand alone. If the semicolon is added, it would appear as:*Firstly: I will start off by saying that I enjoyed this a lot. It's very imaginative and I could picture it all!*
Now, time for the in-depth crit: *ahem*
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This line in his dream
Am I right?
Anyway! Next line
Now, this one
In the last two paragraphs, where you have the questions "What was he running from?" and "Why come here?", you did not skip a line between "What was he..." and "Why come here?". Again, that could have been avoided by simple proofreading. ^_^
And, as for this last line
Does that make sense?
I think it probably would have been better suited if you had said something along the lines of OR See? Umm...kinda? It's pretty much what you were saying already, but different. If that makes any sense at all.
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*crickets*
VERY NICE JOB!!!!
Best wishes,
Rosaleah