As I zoom in past memories.
I see a sense
Love.
The time we got in trouble for connecting like chargers
We really were the best of friends.
Weren't we.
Fueling each other up with energy,
Sacrificing others for us,
And most important,
Having as much fun as a Quokka’s smile can go.
But in the end.
It's gone.
Like blue,
When your eyes used to shine like stars sparking at me full of life.
But now, it had become dull,
Just as how my favorite color easily became livid.
Never to be seen again.
4-7-26
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,021 Literary Works • 672,739 Reviews
Aww don’t poison the well with your summary =D Let the work speak for itself!
Although… Uh poetry is not really my strong forte, I saw all the reviews you’re doing and wanted to look at your stuff :3
Ohh I like how the first two lines lead into the bold “Love.” statement. Feels so final, especially with the fullstop!
Wait is connecting like chargers a metaphor for connecting like they were just meant to be friends? I never heard of that before, that’s so cool!
The line abt sacrificing others does give it a sudden, sinister touch…
I know Quokka’s are extinct or nearly extinct animals so… idk how to interpret their smile, especially in a fun sense…
Hmm I also don’t know abt how a colour can become livid. I like how it reads and feels but my mind is blank in interpretation (ahh poetry, it goes over my head!)
I do like how you can read the bold parts by itself and it’s a sad inditement: “Love-It’s gone-Never to be seen again”
Great poem overall :3
This is great, and pretty relatable. This perfectly displays (in my mind at least) how it feels to grow up and out of relationships no matter how much you wish to go back. Talking in past tense for most of the poem really hammers it on the head, and the description of the eyes going from bright to dull is honestly amazing. Also, the use of "weren't we" when both before and after is speaking of how good the friendship was is a great detail, it adds quite well to the opening line being about going through past memories because that is exactly what it is in the poem; the past that isn't able to continue happening. Keep up the good work!
Hi Nataleen! You've written a truly heartbreaking piece on love, loss and friendship— something most of us have experienced once in our lives. The first part of the poem seems to show the speaker reminiscing about the good old days and how it eventually came into an end. Nothing is permanent, everything is temporary in this transient life and all of the human race must move on from it's grief to become the best version of themselves. But it all still hurts, it hurts to carry a memory far heavier than the loads we carry in the present and you describe that feeling quite accurately. I love the line "Having as much fun as a Quokka's smile can go." That line seemed quite clever to me. The second part of the poem is how most of these moments of acute nostalgia end, a sense of hollow despair and how and where it all went wrong.