Young Writers Society

Hello!

RandomTalks here with a short review!

I see that this poem gets a review every year on account of RevMo, but I did not realize I would enjoy the poem so much.

First of all, I applaud you on getting the shape so right. Even at first glance, there is no doubt about what the poem is supposed to represent and it build's the reader's impression before they have even read a single word of the poem. I cannot imagine how difficult it must be to format and align all the words in a way that it represents a concrete shape, so I really acknowledge all the hard work put into this.

Moving to the actual content of the poem, I found it to be almost satirical to an extent. There is something morbidly funny about a cat giving an account of the circumstances of its death. I loved the beginning of the poem. "I being a cat," suggests that it is the responsibility of the cat to know better than to make such careless mistakes. Its also funny how in my countries, cars literally stop at the sight of a cat crossing a road as it is considered to be a bad omen. And here we have a cat killed because it was trying to cross the road. The parallels are a little ironical and saddening at the same time.

I am a little curious about the title of the poem though. I checked the internet to ascertain that I am correct in my knowledge, but indeed, 'magpie' is a type of a bird. It also signifies happy times and good decisions so I am wondering if the title was a satirical take on the word.

Overall, this was a great poem and I could find no faults with it.

Keep writing and have a great day!

Hello, this is Kelisot here for a review. It caught my interest with your title being simply "Magpie", a favorite bird of mine because it sometimes reminds me of my nationality too, haha.
The fact that the poetry was in a form of a cat also caught my interest.

And assuming by using some context clues and the shape of this poetry, the narrator seems to be a cat, despite the poetry being named Magpie. I'm not judging you or anything, I simply found it interesting you did it this way.

Correct me if I am wrong, but is this about a cat dying? I'm thinking this poetry is about a cat dying (with the lines "should have known than to cross there so carelessly paused to push my last breath..."), although it mentions has a clot, so it already was dying? Because a clot (also known as a saddle thrombus) is a dangerous clot that prevents blood from spreading to common pets such as cats and dogs, I'm not sure if that's how you wanted me to interpret into. English isn't my first language.

And forgive my weird English, but does a magpie come with several humans, and also die...? The scene already is gruesome, with the dog licking the cat's blood, and this seems to be the last moments of the cat's life. Perhaps this is its last life, or cats simply don't have nine lives.

Anyways, I enjoyed attempting to interpret this mysterious poem. This is Kelisot leaving, hoping you have a great morning/afternoon/evening/night.

Hi Moo! Sorry to leave a piece on such an old piece, but I'm completing RevMo's checklist challenge I wanted to revisit this concrete poem of yours ^^

Clearly, you were very intentional with the structure of the poem to write it in the shape of a cat. I commend you! It's difficult to structure the sentences in a way that the words actually give you the shape you want, and also write it so that it flows well and is easy to read, without feeling clunky or forced. Plus, the fact that it's shaped as it is immediately clues the reader into what the poem is about. It would also be really neat if you potentially tried to play around with color (perhaps even making some of the words red or bold) to convey more meaning visually.

Another thing is that I realize that you're quite limited for space to stay in the confines of the image, but I'm surprised that you don't acknowledge the "cats have 9 lives" trope. On the one hand, it is quite overused and typical, especially with the cat passing away here, but it could also add some more depth about this event, whether it was before its time, using too many lives at once, or telling us if the cat is reckless and wasting them on less important things, or if it was just reaching the end of its life anyway. These details could help us empathize more with the second part of the poem, where we see the grieving owner honoring their lost pet.

I also wonder what the purpose of the line about the dog is. It paints an extra gruesome picture, while also acknowledging the nature of things (since dogs have to eat too). But what purpose does it serve in this poem? How does it add to the relationship between the cat and its owner? I'm also a bit unsure what the purpose of the last line along the tail is for. I enjoy the imagery, and it gives an eerie, chilling feeling, but I'm confused what the end meaning is, outside being sad for the loss of a pet.

I would love to see it if you ever decide to revisit this poem, and thank you for sharing ^^ Happy writing!
~ Wolfe

Obviously, I love the fact that the poem is in the shape of a cat! I mean, who wouldn't appreciate that? Now, to the words themselves. I like the frantic, semi-literate narrative voice of the cat, as I think it fits the theme very well. I liked all the detail you added to the gravestone towards the end, as well as the imagery of a dead cat lying in the road. Overall, this is a solid, creatively organize poem. Nice work!

RoyalHighness has arrived for a review!
I love form poetry, so I have nothing but kind words and praise for this.
I love the incorporation of the "white spots" mentioned into the form itself. Very meta.
I love the diction and the ceaseless flow. The details you chose are powerful, succinct, and evocative.
I felt like this whole poem was a camera, panning first out as the cat crosses the road, then in as the dog stops, then slowly back out as the children bury the cat, and then back in on the skull. It was full of movement that gripped me every second.
This was masterful, and I loved it.

Hey, Moo...it's bloodstring here for a quick review.
The fact that you wrote it using form poetry makes it very interesting to read.

Here are some corrections:

I think you forgot to put the word "better" right before "than to cross".And I'm also wondering what the spaces are for...maybe that's for 'my two white splashes'.
Also, you should have inserted 'that'before 'sniff'.
Overall,it was a good poem in a good form!!

Thank you and please keep on writing...

bloody...

Hey there Moo, here to review.

I've got to say that this is a very original poem, and it is the first I see that makes the shape of something. Also, the poem in itself seems very good to me.

Now, I'm guessing that you did no use punctuation or capitalization on purpose, but I think that either you punctuate everything, or you do not punctuate at all. This may not be how it works, but since you wrote a comma after the first word, I was expecting punctuation in the rest of the poem, and it was not the case, apart from a couple of commas here and there. But then again, this is how you decided to do it, and since this is poetry we're talking about, it's up to you to write however you want your poem to be.

I also found a couple of mistakes here and there:

that should have known than to cross

i pass a dog sniffs my head

the riots raging loud skull in my emptied

Aww! That is so clever! You have assembled this beautifully well and I love your wording again. You have such a way with describing things and with portraying them afterwards. You have such great writing style and I honestly LOVE your poems. Beautiful, inspiring and effortless!

Oh, you gave me shivers.

I was directed to this poem because the poem and I share a name. I'm glad I was directed here.

This is beautiful. My mouth fell open and I had to remember to breathe.

Your imagery is beautiful, and the form is beautiful as well.

There is one grammar thing I should tell you about-- "I should have known than" should be "I should have known better than," but you might have chosen to do that to keep the cat shape.

Honestly, though, this is wonderful. I cried. I'm really grateful that you shared this on YWS. I will not mark this as a review-- It is mostly praise and not much help to you.

You're wonderful, and if this is about a real cat, I'm sorry that you lost your companion.

Hey! Retro here for a wee review

I'll do some nitpicks then talk about what I like, okay?

First thing, if you're going to use that i at the start then you need to bring in a comma else were. structually it need to work like 'I, Ross, am an amazing dancer'

I'm not sure if it is structoral or the style you're going for but after 'in my throat' I think there should be a period

Okay, I can't see anything else so i'll talk about what I liked

I am very impressd in general really. This sort of structure and shape must have taken forever so I can very much appreciate it! And your poem is quite decent within that so extra points to you! you have some nice imagery, and you use poetic language well. I have a thing about endings so i'll briefly analyse yours

'will stop and pause to hear the riots raging loud in my emptied skull'

For me, the end of the poem needs to be a crux, a definitive endings which leaves the reader satisfied. I think you've done that really well here. I think your idea is very beautifully written. I also love the fact that the last word, the tip of the tail, is skull. I just think it's a lovely touch.

Overall this is a very good poem
Keep writing!
~Retro