Obviously, I love the fact that the poem is in the shape of a cat! I mean, who wouldn't appreciate that? Now, to the words themselves. I like the frantic, semi-literate narrative voice of the cat, as I think it fits the theme very well. I liked all the detail you added to the gravestone towards the end, as well as the imagery of a dead cat lying in the road. Overall, this is a solid, creatively organize poem. Nice work!
RoyalHighness has arrived for a review!I love form poetry, so I have nothing but kind words and praise for this. I love the incorporation of the "white spots" mentioned into the form itself. Very meta.I love the diction and the ceaseless flow. The details you chose are powerful, succinct, and evocative. I felt like this whole poem was a camera, panning first out as the cat crosses the road, then in as the dog stops, then slowly back out as the children bury the cat, and then back in on the skull. It was full of movement that gripped me every second. This was masterful, and I loved it.
Hey, Moo...it's bloodstring here for a quick review.The fact that you wrote it using form poetry makes it very interesting to read.Here are some corrections:I think you forgot to put the word "better" right before "than to cross".And I'm also wondering what the spaces are for...maybe that's for 'my two white splashes'.Also, you should have inserted 'that'before 'sniff'.Overall,it was a good poem in a good form!!Thank you and please keep on writing...bloody...
Hey there Moo, here to review.I've got to say that this is a very original poem, and it is the first I see that makes the shape of something. Also, the poem in itself seems very good to me.Now, I'm guessing that you did no use punctuation or capitalization on purpose, but I think that either you punctuate everything, or you do not punctuate at all. This may not be how it works, but since you wrote a comma after the first word, I was expecting punctuation in the rest of the poem, and it was not the case, apart from a couple of commas here and there. But then again, this is how you decided to do it, and since this is poetry we're talking about, it's up to you to write however you want your poem to be.I also found a couple of mistakes here and there:
that should have known than to cross
i pass a dog sniffs my head
the riots raging loud skull in my emptied
Aww! That is so clever! You have assembled this beautifully well and I love your wording again. You have such a way with describing things and with portraying them afterwards. You have such great writing style and I honestly LOVE your poems. Beautiful, inspiring and effortless!
Oh, you gave me shivers. I was directed to this poem because the poem and I share a name. I'm glad I was directed here.This is beautiful. My mouth fell open and I had to remember to breathe. Your imagery is beautiful, and the form is beautiful as well. There is one grammar thing I should tell you about-- "I should have known than" should be "I should have known better than," but you might have chosen to do that to keep the cat shape.Honestly, though, this is wonderful. I cried. I'm really grateful that you shared this on YWS. I will not mark this as a review-- It is mostly praise and not much help to you. You're wonderful, and if this is about a real cat, I'm sorry that you lost your companion.
Hey! Retro here for a wee review I'll do some nitpicks then talk about what I like, okay? First thing, if you're going to use that i at the start then you need to bring in a comma else were. structually it need to work like 'I, Ross, am an amazing dancer' I'm not sure if it is structoral or the style you're going for but after 'in my throat' I think there should be a period Okay, I can't see anything else so i'll talk about what I liked I am very impressd in general really. This sort of structure and shape must have taken forever so I can very much appreciate it! And your poem is quite decent within that so extra points to you! you have some nice imagery, and you use poetic language well. I have a thing about endings so i'll briefly analyse yours 'will stop and pause to hear the riots raging loud in my emptied skull'For me, the end of the poem needs to be a crux, a definitive endings which leaves the reader satisfied. I think you've done that really well here. I think your idea is very beautifully written. I also love the fact that the last word, the tip of the tail, is skull. I just think it's a lovely touch.Overall this is a very good poem Keep writing!~Retro
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