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Hare Thinking

by Moo



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231 Reviews

Points: 3770
Reviews: 231

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Mon Feb 09, 2015 9:31 pm
dogsrule5 wrote a review...



Love the poem!!!! Hey, hey, hey Dogs here for a awesome review! :)

So I thought that this poem was really, very good, but let's look over your grammar, punctuation, spelling, and other stuff like that...

1) Grammar... So, I found one grammar mistake, now you most likely did this on purpose, but if not I will point it out anyway... When you say the following..

Me is thinking of the terrible.
That's bad grammar if you want then you can change it too... I am thinking of the terrible. But if you don't want to then you don't have too.

2) I noticed that every once in a while you would double space, after a comma, or in the middle of a sentence... Like here...
And not just me in that moment, but him, us, climbing into stars.
So you might want to correct those... Or did you do them on purpose? Unless my eyes are bad, that's what I saw.. If you did do them on purpose, therefore, I would like to know why. And when you get the chance you can tell me...

3) I also noticed that you have commas where you don't need them. you don't need extra commas because it will, and most of the time it does, create run-on sentences.

Well that's pretty much all. By the way I was not trying to criticize, so don't take those the wrong way, because, honestly, I was just trying to help. So yeah! I am bad at grammar myself, but thanks to my language arts teacher for teaching me everything I need to know about grammar (Because she is a grammar freak) I have learned a lot... Anyway...

Amazing poem, I really enjoyed reading it!
Keep up the good writing
Love,
Dogs!




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41 Reviews

Points: 663
Reviews: 41

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Mon Feb 09, 2015 2:48 pm
brielle wrote a review...



Hello, im brielle but you can call me Brie. I love this poem. It has Good discrition. I love how you say "The minute holds me; I am still like a moonlight. but in that line the a looks to close, i didnt reliaze it until i kept reading it. and there is a space it just doesnt look like it. i really dont see any grammar erroes in this poem. but if there's any thing else i would love to read it and edit. Also You did a good job as giving me an image in my head, sometimes it went out but most of it keept it. but have a Good Day.!





We all share half a braincell that bounces like a windows screensaver
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