Relief

Hi, Moo(as the cows say! Right?! Ok, I am just playing!)! This is pinkie here! I am your reviewer for today as I am trying to win or not for the May Review Day!

I see you that you have others telling about your errors on your poem. Well, I will do my favorite part of the review: telling about the poem!

I know I don't do any poems, but I love this poem! As magpie says, it IS a lovely poem. I enjoyed this poem of yours. I want to read more from you. However, you do need some work on them. Like the others say, you do need to put more connection on the stanzas. I am not being rube, i am just saying what I am agreeing about the people said. I hope you keep on writing those amazing poems! I like to follow you!

Awesome Job!

Cheers

Your reviewer, Pinkiegirl13

P.S.: Happy May Review Day!

Hi there, Moo, beautiful person!

I think this is lovely, and it's hard to imagine that this is a first draft.

I agree with Stella in that I think you need a stronger connection between the first and second stanza.

So, outside of the poem, you explain that it is about how the doctor isn't listening to the person about depression, but I didn't quite get that in the poem. I almost got it, with the howling on the low note, but I've had pneumonia so many times that I thought you were talking about that-- my whole body is consumed in the sound of breathing when I have it. Lots of low, unheard notes are found. I think coming up with something in the narrator's lungs other than a sound to differentiate it from the infection would be useful here.

In the second stanza, which you say needs the most cleaning, the thing that stuck out to me the most was the kneeling. Is it important that the narrator is kneeling? You're usually so economic with your words, and so precise, that I wondered if that was needed. Kneeling seems to me to be a submitting motion, one that feels like surrender, but the narrator is not surrendering to the dog-- the dog is healing the narrator. I feel like a different motion there would be more appropriate, or another action altogether. I agree that the reader needs to be reminded that the narrator is there because the dog has certainly become the emphasis of the poem at this point, and if the human isn't there, what is the point of the poem? But I think that kneeling to touch the dog isn't quite appropriate.

The last two lines of the second stanza sound nice, but it's one characteristic of the dog that takes up two lines, when the rest of the characteristics only take up one line. It's just something to think about.

The last line is beautiful. Please don't touch it.

Altogether, I really enjoyed reading this. I hope that this review proves helpful to you! Happy poeting!

Hey Moo! Stella here!

so I was drawn to this piece because I'm a med student and I saw "Amoxil" in the excerpt and I wanted to take a closer look! I'm not a big poet, but I will do my best to give you some advice on this!

The first stanza and the second and third I felt didn't all fit together until the last line. The last line is beautiful and I love it, but I just felt that there needed to be more of a connection between the two further up because I did find myself questioning 'Where is this going?' during the second stanza. The sentence beginning "He liked to empty himself" I also found difficult to get my head around, there were a lot of verbs there and I have to say I don't think that it fitted together particularly well - as well you just used the word 'howl' further up in a very negative sense and now that you are trying to describe the dog, I feel like the repetition is carrying connotations that don't really fit with the overall impression of how the dog makes the speaker feel. Does that make any sense?

The first stanza as well, I didn't get the use of the word "discrimination" - discrimination of what? Their depression? I read it over a couple of times and I'm just not sure about the word choice - but you may have reason and I'm just not picking up on it!

I really loved the third stanza. It made me a little choked up, as most writing about dogs does.

Sorry I'm so useless, this probably is not the review you wanted, but I tried!

Hope I helped, drop me a note if you need anything!

-Stella x

Hello, rhia here to try to be of some use in the way of reviewing.

I don't have any real problems with this, but I can point out a few little nit-picky things that may or may not come to be helpful
1) second stanza, second line,

great doleful howls passing his ruffled black lips