Spend some time on me.

by MilkNCookies

  • Poetry
  • Dramatic

Published December 31, 2010

In poems

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Spoiler! :
Yea, about this, I have no idea what this is exactly, so feel free to rip it to shreds.


I'm not just an empty jar,
lying uselessly on the floor.

If you would give me the chance,
you would find I am so much more.

I'm a sweet love song that your lover
makes up, even if he can't sing at all,

But it's the sweet thought that counts,
the love that makes us answer his call.

I'm so much more then the doll
you simply threw away last week,

Or the playing card every boy wants
every single card collector seeks.

Spend some time on me, you'll see how
far we go, You'll see how much I'll know,

And you'll see how well I'll grow.

Comments & reviews · 4
User avatar
aquababe
Comment
aquababe commented Comment · Jan 30, 2011

Great job. I can't really find anything to point out. You have great comparisons, and your rhymes don't seem very forced. You did well. :D

User avatar
ehte92
Comment
ehte92 commented Comment · Dec 31, 2010

Its a good work mate and there is nothing it that we could be able to rip it to shreds.... Keep up the good work... :)

User avatar
purplepen
Review
purplepen wrote a review Review · Dec 31, 2010

Hi there! Sorry no one has taken the time to review your work yet. Lets fix that now, shall we?
First of all, I totally agree with you on this! I could really relate to it! But I think you could have put some more feeling into it. Or maybe some more detail? Other than that though, I thought it was really great! Good job! Keep it up!

By the way, nice avatar! ;)



This planet has - or rather had - a problem, which was this: most of the people living on it were unhappy for pretty much all of the time. Many solutions were suggested for this problem, but most of these were largely concerned with the movement of small green pieces of paper, which was odd because on the whole it wasn't the small green pieces of paper that were unhappy.
— Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy