The unicorns blazed with light, coats snow white, hooves golden and horns glowing silver. They swept up the steps in an arrowhead formation. Shades surrounded them like flies, but each was knocked aside. Wherever the unicorns’ light fell, the Shades diminished, less frightening now the shadows had fled. And there, running at the center of the pack, was Cinder, his dark coat thrown into sharp relief, the talisman Madeline had made bouncing on his neck.
Tel whinnied, long and loud, a cry of welcome. Ayda’s fingers loosened on his mane. We’re saved. Cinder saved us!
Shades scattered as the unicorns poured through the portcullis and halted in front of Nada. Emerilla’s horn pointed straight at the woman. Torches flickered and firemoss lanterns glowed, but the unicorn’s light was by far the brightest.
“Emerilla. You dare to interfere again?” Nadra snarled.
“Stop this.” It was an order, not a plea. “Stand down, Nadra. You don’t know what you are doing.”
“I’m fixing what went wrong. And then I’ll do what I’ve always done — make the world better. Even if you’re too small-minded to see it.”
“The unicorns will not stand for this.”
“You speak for the unicorns?” Nadra laughed, incredulous. “They chose you, after what happened last time?” She grinned and stretched forth her hand. “This recking is long overdo.”
Ayda couldn’t see what happened — she didn’t shift to the magical plane — but Emerilla’s horn flashed in response. A long, low gong echoed around the courtyard, and Nadra was tossed backwards, landing hard on the grass.
For the first time, Nadra looked genuinely worried as she scrambled to her feet, hand going to her sword hilt. “You cannot hurt me! It protects me!”
“Release them,” commanded Emerilla.
“You have no power over me!” Nadra screamed.
In response, Emerilla swung her head towards Ayda and Tel. A jet of light shot out of her horn and their sphere. It dissolved, and they were free again.
Nadra’s eyes widened. “Shades, fall back! Protect Madeline!”
The Shades streamed into the building, Nadra backing away with them, eyes fixed on Emerilla as she fired shot after shot of what almost looked like dragon fire at the unicorns. They deflected them, but only just.
Ayda hovered there, dodging out of the way of Tel’s wings, not sure what to do. They had to rescue Madeline. Even if she didn’t want to be rescued.
The Shades were overcoming their fear, and the unicorns no longer had momentum on their side. Even as the majority retreated, some attacked, swarming the unicorns and blocking out their light. One unicorn fell with a scream.
“Ayda, Tel!” Cinder called. “Get down here!” Ayda shook herself. She and Tel soared down to Emerilla, who was shouting orders. Tel landed in front of her and Ayda hovered at head hight.
“My lady,” Tel said, bowing his head deeply.
“No time for that. We’re retreating. Follow us to the portal.”
“But Madeline! She’s the last thing Nadra needs for her spell.”
“We can’t,” Emerilla said, rearing and kicking another Shade that had swooped down. “There’s too many of them, and Nadra was right. She is protected. We can’t harm her easily, and we can’t get to the girl without fighting our way through all of them. It would be suicide. Follow me.”
She reared and gave a long, shrill neigh. The call for retreat. The unicorns turned and ran. Even the one who had fallen struggled to his feet, healed with a touch of his neighbor’s horn. Tel galloped after them, Ayda grabbing onto his mane and struggling to stay on his back. She couldn’t fly this fast.
They burst into the trees, brushing past leaves and shrubs. Ayda couldn’t hear pursuit, just the drumming of hooves and the rustling leaves. She glanced back, but the Shades had stopped at the castle wall, watching them run.
A few minutes or hours later — Ayda couldn’t tell — they burst into a clearing. Ayda barely had time to take in the two unicorns standing guard beside a large portal before Tel galloped straight through it.
They burst into bright moonlight, and Ayda knew immediately from the feel of the air and the magic around her that they were back in Arvania. But that’s not safe! She blinked.
The portal had opened into a lush grove. A waterfall cascaded down a cliff behind them, plummeting dozens of feet into a crystal pool. A stream flowed out of it to wind across the glade. A tangle of thick undergrowth bearing all kinds of flowers marked the edge of the grove, which was big enough that Ayda couldn’t easily see across it.
It was filled with unicorns, both mares and stallions, most of them sleeping peacefully in the grass. There were no foals — unicorns were immortal, but could not have children.
Ayda untwined herself from Tel’s mane, her heartbeat steadying. This had to be the unicorn’s sanctuary, somewhere in the remote reaches of Arvania. A place safe from Nadra’s reach? Behind them, the portal was already closed.
“Go and rest,” Emerilla told the strike force. “But be ready for a meeting at dawn.”
Ayda found Cinder in the dispersing crowd and threw her arms around his neck. “You came! How did you do it?”
Cinder grinned. “I told you I would wait for you, and I did,” he said. “For three days. On the second day, the dragon army marched. As far as I know, they haven’t come back. That was when I realized you’d failed. The only ones left to turn to were the unicorns.”
“And so you found them,” said Tel, who had followed Ayda. “You just went and found a sanctuary hidden by unicorns.”
“It wasn’t quite that easy,” Cinder admitted. “I got lucky. I knew it was probably in Arvania, and I was pretty sure the scholars’ estimates were accurate — they were, by the way, we’re deep in the northern mountains — and so I headed there.”
“It turns out that it was never that hard to find — it was just hidden with powerful magic. But Shades have been attacking this valley for days. The magic is near to collapsing. It was easy to figure out where the fighting was. When I got to the front lines, I convinced a unicorn I was on their side and that they had to mount a rescue operation right away to get Madeline out. You know the rest.”
Ayda laughed in delight “You’re amazing, you know that?”
Cinder hardly smiled. “But we didn’t save Madeline.”
Ayda sobered instantly. “Yeah.” She didn’t elaborate, not wanting to explain to Cinder that Madeline had joined Nadra — or admit why.
Cinder swung his head away. “It was never a very good plan, was it?”
Ayda’s breath caught in her throat. No, it hadn’t been. She had been blind.
“Drink deep, you three.” Emerilla had turned her attention to them. She stood, radiant in the moonshine. “You must be exhausted, but there are things I must know before you rest.”
It just looked like water, but Ayda obeyed, swooping down and taking a drink from cupped hands. The water was startlingly cold, tingling through her like that fizzy drink she had once had in Meredina. Ayda had never tasted anything so refreshing. Cinder and Tel drank, and when they lifted their head their eyes were clearer and they moved with more certainty.
She turned to look across the valley again, so verdant even at night. “What is this place?”
“Unicorns have lived here long enough that a little of our magic has bled into the land,” Emerilla said. “You are looking upon Acharon, the last home and secret refuge of the unicorns.” The sorrow in her voice was tangible.
They had been living here all these years. Ayda didn’t know what to think. Why had they come to rescue her and Tel? Why did they act now, after staying in seclusion for so long? After refusing to help the dragon king? Emerilla was their leader — what had changed her mind?
She longed to ask those questions, but some instinct of hers — the way Emerilla held herself as she looked upon her people, or maybe the creases around her eyes — held Ayda back.
“Cinder has already told me your plan, and I understand why it failed. I know why you went, but I need to know, in detail, what happened in there.”
Ayda nodded. “We were brought to Nadra right away. She talked to us. She was…” Human. Bizarrely, infuriatingly human. “She was eager to talk. All she needed was Madeline’s magic, but for some reason she wanted to convince us that what she was doing was… right.”
“She seeks power. Why try to convince you?”
“I don’t know. She spouted a bunch of stuff about progress and fixing what’s wrong with the world. My lady, she says she’s going to restore the human world’s connection with the Well. Five days, she said — two left, now.” “And now she has Madeline, nothing will stop her.” Tel stamped the ground with a hoof. “We have to go back, ma’am. We have to get Madeline out of there.”
“We would die trying.” Emerilla was infuriatingly calm as she said it. “It would be for nothing.”
“So you’re just going to let Nadra cast — whatever spell she’s planning?” Ayda couldn’t believe her ears.
“Did I say that?” Emerilla shook her head. “We will intercept her at the Well. As we did last time. We have no other choice — with much of the dragon king’s army scattered, we simply cannot match Nadra’s numbers. At the Well, her army will be limited.”
She closed her eyes. “So little time… is there anything else she said or did, anything about her powers or her plans?”
Ayda shook her head. “Not that I can remember.” Tel agreed.
“Then please, get some sleep. We meet at sunrise.” The leader of the unicorns turned away, head hanging low and gait weary.
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Hello yet again!

As a little thing, I agree with Blue's notes about shortening the bits of dialogue and I won't repeat them, so I'll be talking about other things. I read from your wall that we're around +80 percent (?) of Mixing Magic and it's lovely that we've gone so far already
I'm so, so glad that everybody could go to the unicorns' sanctuary and that Emerilla chose to join in this fight. And Cinder probably saved Ayda's and Tel's lives before Nadra did really kill them. It's so amazing the way he managed to find the unicorns! And Nadra and Emerilla will be well-matched...if Emerilla had a bigger army, I suppose?
I was a bit surprised at the end of the chapter when Emerilla walked off with a dejected air. I felt as the dialogue just before felt *just a little* lacking in hinting at Emerilla's worry and dejection. I think the dialogue itself did show that she was concerned and wondering, "What to do?" But dropping a few hints that she is tired might be good. I've noticed that her voice did sound sad but maybe some more visual parts might be good?
I feel as though you can add a little more other senses to the description of the unicorn grove, other than just sight? Like smells and sounds and feelings? The water combined both sight and taste, but I felt as though the description of the grove did need a little more than just sight--maybe Ayda could hear the soft breathing of the unicorns, smell the earthy smell of the trees and hear the splash of the waterfalls. I know that there is a danger for description overdose, but perhaps weaving it in *occasionally* might help.
I think that's all I've got for now, and I hope it helped~
-Ink
Do the unicorns wake up when the unicorn soldiers (or whatever) pour through the portal all noisy from battle? Weren't any of them waiting up?
ANYWAY.
Other than that, two things.
I think this could be parsed down to "We can't, it would be suicide" since they're in the middle of battle. Emerilla doesn't have to explain her reasoning, especially since the reader (and Ayda, really) already knows Madeline is in the fortress/palace/whatever and protected and that Nadra will probably do whatever it takes to keep her that way until her plan is realized.
The other thing is the bit where Ayda tells Emerilla what happened. We were there, we saw what happened. So I think this could be paraphrased like "Ayda told Emerilla what had happened..." and then mention that she can't bring herself to tell them about Madeline's betrayal, so she leaves that part out. And then you could just include the most important lines of dialogue, like Ayda insisting they go back for Madeline and Emerilla outright refusing.