Mixing Magic [Draft 2]: Chapter 15.1

by Mea

Published September 8, 2017

In Mixing Magic Draft 2

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When Ayda flew back to the cave, Cinder was awake and waiting for her, head on his paws and dark eyes keen.

Ayda didn’t beat around the bush. “I’ve decided I’m going with the army. I’m going to fight. And I’m going to win Madeline back.”

Cinder closed his eyes and nodded slowly. “Shadows know I can’t deny you that right. Stay close to me. I’ll get you to Madeline.”

An hour later, dawn crept over the mountains to meet a field of white. A hundred or more unicorns assembled in rows, horns piercing the air like spears. Nearly half of those who were able to fight had answered the call. Magic sheathed many of them in a resilient armor, a spell designed specifically for battle.

Tel, Cinder, and Ayda stood together, close to the front, the only non-unicorns in the army. They couldn’t expect any help from the dragons; the latest word was that they had retreated to the caves and were fighting for survival. The refugees were still safe — for now.

Emerilla didn’t make a speech, but when she stepped up to the rock where the ley point was, total silence fell.

“You know what to do,” she said at last. “And thank you for your courage.”

Head bobbed solemnly, and the reality of the unicorn’s sacrifice hit Ayda like a punch to the gut. They were immortal — they could be killed, but otherwise they would never die. And here they were, risking an eternity to stop Nadra. Ayda’s stomach churned.

Emerilla turned around, tracing a shape in the air with her glowing horn.

“She’s making the portal to the Well,” Cinder whispered. “Only unicorns can do that. Well, and Nadra, since she has unicorn magic.”

Ayda nodded, transfixed as she watched the portal open. Were those ribbons of light among the usual black?

“Cinder, I’m scared,” she confessed in a whisper.

“Me too. You’re sure you want to come?”

“Stars, yes,” Ayda said. “I just thought I’d let you know I’m not crazy.”

The portal was open. Emerilla threw her head back and neighed, a wordless battle cry.

The army thundered into a portal and vanished.

---

Everything stopped. Ayda hung in a split second of nothingness, suspended in eternity.

Then Cinder’s paws hit the floor. They were through. Ayda shot up, taking the room in in a moment.

An huge dome arched high overhead, a miniature sun blazing at its summit. A mass of black and grey Shades coated the clear crystal floor, concentrated on the opposite end of the room. Dozens more clogged the air. Past them, glimmers of other portals shone between the pillars. Far below the floor, a shimmering white river flowed from the room’s center through the portal and vanished.

But the portal on Ayda’s right was only a blank wall, its river damned partway by a jumbled ball of color. Earth’s portal. Blocked…

“Ayda! Now, before they get here!” That was Cinder. She looked down.

The arrowhead of white had spilled through the portal and was advancing on the center, which was covered by a dome of Shades. Ayda couldn’t see inside. For brief seconds, their way had been clear, but the Shade army was closing in.

Ayda swooped down to Cinder, pulling her knife out. “Run!”

He dodged and wove his way between the unicorns until he was running at the front line of the arrowhead.

Black met white. Spells sparked, hooves crashed, snarls and shouts echoed to create a dizzying cacophony. Cinder slashed at one Shade and twisted past another, Ayda close behind. A paw swiped at her, but she thrust the knife at it and the Shade hissed and fell back. Ayda flew on.

In the chaos of fur and claws, magic blazed in each combatant and spell. Had she slipped into her magical vision without realizing?

No. No, she hadn’t. Here, magic was visible. Period.

Beside her, Cinder dodged two more Shades who didn’t recognize him as an enemy until it was too late. Just a few dozen feet —

A small, sleek winged Shade streaked past Ayda, and Cinder froze, eyes wide. The Shade dove at Cinder, and he didn’t move. Didn’t even try to get out of the way.

She bowled him over easily, pinning him to the floor.

“Cinder!” Ayda shouted, raising her knife, ready to plunge it into the Shade’s shoulder. The Shade raised her paw to strike.

“Don’t hurt her!” Cinder cried.

Ayda hesitated. The Shade hissed when she saw Ayda, tail priming to whack her out of the air. “Why stop her?” the Shade demanded of Cinder.

Cinder’s voice broke. “Lila, I know you recognize me.”

His wife. Cinder had found his love. And she was trying to kill him.

“I remember you. But you chose the wrong side.” Lila’s lips drew back in a sneer.

“Please, Lila. Where are the pups? Are they safe? Please, tell me!”

Ayda hovered, paralyzed with indecision. Should she stab anyway?

Lila’s expression softened. “They are being cared for. They won’t see combat.”

Cinder went limp with relief.

Lila slid a claw towards Cinder’s necklace, the talisman that kept him free. She had obviously guessed its purpose. “Let’s get rid of this, and we’ll be together again,” she purred.

Ayda couldn’t lose Cinder again. She acted, dodging Lila’s tail and plunging her knife deep into the Shade’s leg. In the same instant, Cinder surged upwards, talisman intact, and Lila fell back with a cry of pain.

“Get to the center!” Cinder cried, ready as Lila sprang to her paws again. “Find Madeline. I can’t let Lila… I have to keep her busy. I’m sorry.”

Ayda nodded. She turned to face the center, hands on her hips, heart beating wildly, and plunged back into the fray. Without Cinder, her only hope would be to move fast.

But the air was packed with Shades spoiling for a fight. Up. Up and over. She burst into open air, but when she glanced back, two Shades were following. Ayda flew faster.

They caught up just as she reached the perimeter around the center, pinning her between them and the two Shades blocking the path ahead. Ayda dove left and was blocked. Darted right and was blocked.

They closed in until everywhere she looked there it seemed there were swiping claws. It was a flurry of claws, teeth, and wings, a game where Ayda could just barely keep ahead, twisting in midair until she hardly knew what direction was down.

They’re playing with me! I can’t get out. They’re going to kill me!

And then Tel was there in a flash of white, lashing out with a well-timed blow that sent one Shade tumbling backward and the other scrambling away. His mane was tangled and blood welled on one shoulder, but his eyes were fierce.

“Tel!” Ayda grinned, the terror draining as quickly as it had come.

“No need to thank me,” he said, grinning back.

Ayda spun and slashed at another Shade. “I have to get past them. Madeline’s in the center.”

“On my signal.”

Without warning, Tel dove forward, kicking out at one of the Shades guarding the border, connecting solidly. The other one rushed to help, scoring Tel’s side and sinking his teeth into the pegasus’ leg.

The way was open. But Tel…

Tel could take care of himself. Ayda shot through the opening into the eye of the storm.

In the center, a marble dais rose three steps above the crystal floor. On it sat a well, made of ancient, crumbling stone with a wooden top. The Well. This was it — the center of everything, the heart from which the four rivers of magic flowed.

And there was Madeline, sitting on the stone steps, face pale, with pink magic still drifting inside her. She flinched at every scream from the battlefield. A dozen different emotions rose in Ayda. Madeline was here. She was safe. And she hadn’t given up her magic yet.

A few paces to the right of Madeline, Nadra, overflowing with magic, had set a large diamond on the rim of the Well and was weaving magic with a quick finger. How much time did Ayda have?

Ayda skimmed low across the floor, landing by Madeline’s arm. “Madeline!”

Madeline jumped and looked around. For a split second, welcome lit her gaze, but then a shutter slammed down. “You shouldn’t be here.”

“I came to tell you I’m sorry. I want to fix this, Madeline.”

Madeline shook her head, sorrowful. “I don’t blame you anymore, Ayda. For any of it. But I want to help my family too. And sorry won’t heal my dad.”

“But I was wrong. I was selfish and reckless and — look.” Ayda spun, gesturing to the wall of Shades and the shrieks that rose beyond it. “People are dying.”

Madeline wavered. Ayda knew it. She saw how the sounds of battle cut at her friend. “Come with me, and all this stops,” Ayda whispered. She knew the unicorns were almost to the barrier. As occupied as Nadra was, if Ayda and Madeline were quick, she could get the girl safely among the unicorns before Nadra noticed.

She waited. The sphere of Shades collapsed inwards. Four unicorns and Cinder burst through, throwing Shades aside.

“No!” Madeline screamed, scrambling backwards against the Well. “Leave her alone!”

In a flash, Ayda had her knife out again, but she stayed beside Madeline, frozen. Shades poured in behind the unicorns, but Emerilla had broken free and she was charging, charging toward the dais and straight at Nadra.

Nadra barely had time to turn. Rage contorted her face as Emerilla shouldered her to the ground. The Lady of the Stars stood over her, horn pointing at her heart. On Nadra’s breast lay the talisman that let her steal magic, hanging from its chain. Emerilla moved to touch it.

Her horn stopped half an inch above Nadra’s chest.

Laughing, Nadra seized Emerilla’s horn and breathed in sharply. The Lady did not scream as her magic left her, twisting into a silver rope and joining Nadra’s cocktail.

Nadra got to her feet, breathing in the last wisp of magic, and let go of Emerilla’s horn. The unicorn slumped to the ground and did not move.

“Idiot.” Nadra’s grin was manic, horrible. “I know you helped make it, Emerilla, so many years ago. Of course I protected it from you. And now, at last, I have beaten you. You, the meddler, the skeptic for all these years. You’d think being immortal would make you more open to new ideas. Something” — she unsheathed her sword and placed it against the unconscious unicorn’s neck — “you’ll soon have an eternity to contemplate.”

Ayda started forward, knife out, but something streaked past her. Cinder launched himself at Nadra, knocking her backwards. Her sword skidded across the floor and her hand darted to her side.

And Ayda knew what was going to happen before it did. No.

A glint of steel appeared in Nadra’s hand as Cinder took a wild swipe at her relic. He couldn’t touch it either.

Nadra snarled. “You, traitor, will die.” And she plunged her dagger into Cinder’s neck, slicing through the talisman he had worn all this time. It clattered to the floor.

Blood. There was so much of it, pouring out of Cinder’s neck and across the marble as Nadra pushed him away. His spine arched in a wordless spasm. And then — nothing. Just a limp body in a crimson pool.

“No!” Ayda didn’t care who heard her. It couldn’t be true, it couldn’t have happened just like that. One moment he was there, strong and lithe and steady, and the next —

She had to do something. But her limbs seemed to have locked up. She hardly registered Madeline rushing past her to cradle Cinder’s body.

Nadra turned back to Emerilla, but she had been surrounded by four unicorns who dared Nadra with a look to come near, even as more and more Shades swarmed over them.

Nadra dismissed them with a wave of her hand. “I don’t have time for this.”

She turned back to the web of magic above the diamond and added a few quick strands. The pattern collapsed down into the diamond and Nadra poured raw magic into it until she was nearly magicless, with only two or three colors remaining. Ayda had watched Madeline make enough talismans to know one when she saw it. And this one was almost complete.

“Madeline, darling. I need your magic now.” Nadra glanced over to Madeline, who was clutching Cinder’s body to her chest. Nadra waited.

“No.” Madeline looked up at Nadra. Blood stained her hands and tears stained her cheeks.

“Excuse me? You back out now?

“You killed Cinder.” Her voice was thick with tears. “You killed him and he couldn’t even do anything to hurt you. And you were going to kill Emerilla.”

Madeline looked past Nadra and locked eyes with Ayda. “You were right,” she whispered.

Euphoria and terror lurched through Ayda in a single wave. She had Madeline back. She had Madeline back. But she also had only seconds before Nadra strolled over, seized Madeline’s arm, and drained the magic from her by force.

Ayda shot forward to knock the diamond into the Well.

Nadra’s hand crashed into her and slapped her away like an irksome fly. Ayda tumbled head-over-heels through the air, ears ringing, wings crumpled, her whole body groaning from the impact. She was falling, falling, and she couldn’t move her wings. She couldn’t fly.

Ayda fell into the Well.

Comments & reviews · 2
User avatar
PrincessInk
Review
PrincessInk wrote a review Review · Sep 13, 2017

Hello again and again! :D

The battle scene is written really well! I find that the pacing of the scene is fast--and it's the right speed. I think the amount of time spent in the unicorns vs. Shades scene was short and sweet, because Ayda was just passing through as fast as she could. The fast-paced feeling here was exploited excellently to move the scene quickly to the CLIMAX, I assume.

I agree with Blue that Cinder and his wife spent too much time talking. Because if they freeze in the middle of the battle scene, another Shade can attack Cinder while another Unicorn can attack Lila. Maybe they're doing something. Maybe Cinder is trying to stop Lila from snatching away his talisman because then he'll be under Nadra's spell. I wonder how Lila knows that Cinder has to remove his talisman for them to be on the same side.

Why did Cinder have to die??? :/ But I honestly think that it was in the right place, for Madeline to realize "Nadra is EVIL". I really liked the fact that it wasn't "just because" or because of the shock--I generally dislike it when characters are killed for no apparent reason. I think as long as it does contribute to the story's development, deaths tend to be more effective.

But she also had only seconds before Nadra strolled over, seized Madeline’s arm, and drained the magic from her by force.


I felt as though "drained the magic from her by force" pulled me away from the narrative a bit? It feels like this needs to be shown here, because we're in such an intense battle scene and telling weakens it slightly. For example, when Nadra took away Emerilla's magic it came out in a silver coil. I would have liked to have the phrase tweaked a bit to show what happened? But other than that, I felt as though you did a great job showing what happens in the battle scene. Now, I don't want to insist on SHOWING in every case, but I feel as though it makes battle scenes more vivid and fast-paced to show the events. It's just my opinion, though.

Hope this helped and I'll be along later~

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Mea replied · Sep 13, 2017

Thanks as always! To clarify, that statement was a hypothetical - that's what Ayda knew Nadra was about to do, not what she had actually done. So Madeline's magic isn't drained at this point. I'll definitely try to make it clearer because that's super important.

User avatar
BluesClues
Review
BluesClues wrote a review Review · Sep 10, 2017

Oh no. That was so unexpected!

(I guess that talisman was only protective against magic, huh?)

And right after he found his wife, too. Which p.s. nice touch, because right at the start of this battle I was like, "But they're fighting Shades, which are Cinder's people, and it's not their fault they're bad right now, right? What if they kill someone he knows? What about his wife and kids?"

And then BAM there was Lila and Cinder couldn't get the upper hand because he simply couldn't hurt her. That said, I think their conversation ran a little long, considering they're all in the middle of a battle. I mean, I get that, because he hasn't seen her in a while and he can't bring himself to really fight her and it's a feelsy moment, but...there are a bunch of other shades around, plus magic, plus unicorns kicking and stabbing all over the place. So it felt a little weird for them to be having this conversation as if they were the only ones fighting and there was nothing else around that might interrupt.

I liked that his death served the plot because it finally made Madeline see how ruthless Nadra really is. She probably feels a little like it's her fault that Cinder died, now. Anyway, I liked that it wasn't just for shock value or anything.

(I mean, it's a battle, so people are going to die anyway, and one of them might as well be someone we know and love. But bonus points for it affecting the plot.)

I liked your description in this chapter as well - not just of the battle itself, but also the way Ayda felt while it was going on.

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Mea replied · Sep 13, 2017

Okay, I swear I did not get a notification for this review. I'm glad I finally saw it. xD



I'll show my defiance through ironic obedience!
— AstralHunter