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Young Writers Society



Mixing Magic [Draft 2]: Chapter 11.2

by Mea


Tel caught up with them as they exited the marble hall. “Ready to fly down?”

Ayda frowned. “Don’t you have duties to do?”

“You’re my new duties,” Tel said, kneeling down. “Hop on. I’ll be staying with you at the inn, showing you around Vjorin and making sure you’re comfortable.” His voice was curt — he sounded annoyed about something. Probably about having to stay in an inn mostly meant for species with two arms and legs, not four hooves.

Ayda shared a glance with Cinder that confirmed he was thinking the same as she was. Tel’s ‘duties’ sounded an awful lot like code for guarding them. Did King Avantor not trust that they had accepted his dismissal of their plan, or did they need a guard for some other reason?

They had a good time with Tel, joking around and listening to his outlandish stories, including one where he stole an egg from a phoenix’s nest only to have it stolen from him by a bandit king the next morning. Regardless, Ayda was itching to talk to the others alone. Near supper, she finally managed it by asking Tel to find them some food.

Cinder sprang to his feet as soon as Tel was gone. “Finally,” he said, already starting to pace. “We need to talk.”

Madeline looked up from where she was sitting on the floor, going through her talisman bags.

“I say we still go through with the plan,” Ayda said. “We can’t sit around and do nothing.”

“Exactly.” Cinder lashed his tail. “This is the best plan we’ve got. The king’s way kills my people.”

He padded over to Madeline, looking her in the eyes. “We can’t do this without you. But it is your choice. You don’t have to go. You shouldn’t have to go — you are young and this is not your fight. It will be dangerous. It could turn into a disaster.”

Madeline shifted, uneasy.

“If you decide to go home, I will help you. Tomorrow morning we’ll go to the market and get what we need. By evening you’ll be hugging your parents.”

Ayda watched the exchange, frozen. You could really do it, Cinder? You could really send away your only hope?

Cinder’s voice was choked now. “But on behalf of my people, Madeline, I’m begging you. Help us.”

She had to do it. She had to. “This is how you can fight back, Madeline. Avenge Xaniphe and Crescent Moon.”

Madeline buried her head in her hands and didn’t speak for a long time. Her black hair swung forward, hiding her from view. Ayda waited.

“I’ll do it,” came the quiet whisper. Madeline lifted her head and with each sentence her voice grew stronger. “But not because of revenge. Because I want to save your family, Cinder.”

She glanced down. “And I’ve been thinking. Nadra needs me for something. What if she finds out I’m gone? Who’s to say she hasn’t figured out how to make a portal back, with her amount of power? If she finds out I’ve gone, she’ll follow me. And I’m not about to give her a reason to take my home, too.”

“Well said,” Cinder approved. “And thank you.”

Ayda closed her eyes, relief washing through her. This would work. It had to.

She sprang up, hovering in the air. “Then we can leave tonight.”

“Tonight? What about provisions?”

Ayda shook her head. “We’re literally going to ‘port to Arvania and get ourselves captured instantly — it’s the best way to get in front of her quickly.”

“No, that won’t work.” Cinder’s ears twitched. “For one, we have to figure out how to slip past Tel and then get through a portal without getting caught, which rules out the central portal — and the nearest ley point is the one we came out of. So we come back the way we came, a way we know is under her control, and get captured with barely a hint of resistance? They’ll be suspicious, and suspicion makes people thorough. I know magic can’t be seen in deactivated talismans, but I’ll bet my right horn if we do something like that they’ll be sure to strip us of everything that could possibly be a source of power. We need them to be careless.”

“Okay, so what’s our cover story?”

They fell silent, thinking.

“We’ll say I’m trying to get back home.” Madeline was fingering her necklace. “Something like we think that trying it from the ley point I came through will make it easier to anchor the portal.”

“And then we’d have to come through the next ley point over, so we don’t drain the one we need to use. That works.” Cinder bared his teeth in a smile.

Ayda sighed in frustration. “But that means it’ll take two days or more to even get to the right ley point.”

“Maybe for you — ”

The door swung open. Ayda spun around, trying to look natural. It was Tel. He clopped into the room, snorting with laughter at their surprise. “Y’all look like you were caught discussing treason. But then, I guess you were.”

“How much did you hear?” asked Ayda. There was no point beating around the bush.

“Pretty much all of it,” Tel said, leaning against the wall and crossing one hoof over the other. “I never left the hallway. They insisted I try something like that, see if you were planning anything. Looks like they were right.”

Ayda’s chest constricted. Any second now, Tel would call more guards and they — or at least Madeline — would be thrown into some sort of dungeon for their own ‘safety.’

“We’ll fight you if we have to.” Cinder’s voice was deadly calm. Behind him, Madeline blanched. Ayda’s hand strayed to the pouch around her neck that held her carving knives. She didn’t want to hurt Tel, but she wasn’t about to let him lock them up.

“Whoa there, no need for that!” Tel pranced backwards in alarm. “I came in to tell you I’m on your side.”

“You are?” Madeline stared at him.

“Well, yeah.” His normal easy smile vanished, replaced with a much more serious expression. “I was part of the rescue missions to help Crescent Moon. I’ve seen her army and I know our army. We’re not likely to win. Either the king’s incompetent, or he’s more desperate then he lets on. The unicorns refusing to help has pretty much done us in. The way I see it, you’re taking a big risk with a big reward, and little other choice. That’s the kind of odds I like. I want to help.”

“You’ll be branded a traitor,” Cinder warned. “Dismissed at best, executed at worst.”

“Yeah, or I can fly off and get killed with the rest of the army,” said Tel. “No, thanks. I’d rather help where it matters. If it works, there’s no way they’ll execute me, and I don’t care if I get kicked out. If it doesn’t work, I figure we’ve all got bigger problems.”

Madeline spoke up. “We appreciate it, Tel, but I’m not sure we need your help, aside from letting us go. I’m basically going to get myself captured. We don’t need a lot of people.”

“Ah,” said Tel. “But you do need a fast way to get to get to the ley points. That’s where I come in.”

Ayda was skeptical. “It’s a good forty miles. How fast can you get us there?”

“A few hours,” Tel bragged. “Plus, I can carry provisions. Make it look like we’ve been traveling a while.”

“What about Cinder?” Madeline asked.

“Normally? I can keep up with a pegasus just fine. But my side was kicked in, remember?”

Ayda frowned. “How long until it heals?”

“I know a few tricks. It’ll be fine in a couple days.”

“Then that’s when we should leave.” Ayda turned, taking in their unlikely group. A fairy, a Shade, a pegasus, and a human, all off to save the Kingdoms. “Do we have a plan?”

“Yes,” said Cinder and Madeline together.

“Works for me,” Tel whinnied. “Now how about I actually go get some food?”

Cinder went with Tel to get the food, leaving Ayda and Madeline alone together.

Their suite was two rooms and a washroom, sparsely furnished with wooden furniture. The floor and ceiling were a deep ruby while the walls were emerald. It was beautiful, but Ayda missed the energy that came from living wood like at Crescent Moon.

She swung her legs, kicking at the side of her fairy-sized bed, which sat on a windowsill that looked out into an alleyway paved with garnet. There was one more thing she needed to make sure of.

Madeline was facing away from her, going through her talisman pouch.

Ayda cleared her throat. “Thank you. For helping.”

Madeline turned to look at her, and a ghost of a smile crossed her face. “You and Cinder have helped me so much since I got stuck here. I guess I get to repay you.”

Ayda smiled at that, swooping down to join Madeline. She landed on the girl’s knee. “What are you doing?”

Madeline sighed. “Trying to decide what would be best to use as the talisman. I’m worried whatever I choose will get taken once we’re caught.”

This was her chance! “I was thinking about that too.” Ayda took off a plain wooden bracelet she had carved in about half an hour and showed it to Madeline. “Can we use this? They’re less likely to search me, and it’s better if the talisman isn’t on the person with talisman magic.”

“That’s true.” Madeline picked it up and inspected it. “I think it’ll work, but it’s jewelry, so you’ll have to touch Nadra with it.”

“That’s fine. I’m small and fast — I’ll probably find it easier than you will.”

Ayda had to be the one to do it. To touch Nadra and watch her twisted magic flee from her. To see her reduced from a god to a human again.

Madeline swallowed. “Are you ready?”

“What?”

“I — I wanted to make it now. We’ll need to pour as much magic as we can into it. I’ll need to rest after that.”

Ayda shook herself. “Right, of course. Just make sure you don’t give all of it.”

Madeline’s mouth twitched. “I know.” It was one of the first lessons magic users learned — don’t ever give all of your magic. If completely emptied of magic, a being would never be able to work it again. Every time Nadra drained a being’s magic, she condemned them to a magic-less life.

Wordlessly they made the talisman together, the same way they had made the one that still hung around Cinder’s neck. Madeline poured in all but a tiny sliver of pink. Ayda wove a stronger, more complicated cleansing pattern than any she had tried before, a pattern reserved only for the sickest of plants. Because that’s what Nadra was: a disease that needed extermination.

When finished, they both held the talisman, Ayda’s tiny hand next to Madeline’s much larger one as Ayda hovered in place. With a final twist, Madeline tied the final knot, and the magic in the talisman faded from view. She slumped back with a sigh. Ayda was a little weary, but she hadn’t used nearly as much of her magic.

She slid the talisman onto her wrist. Was it her imagination, or did it make her skin tingle with the power hidden inside?

She landed on Madeline’s knee again, patting her arm. “Get some rest.”

“Yeah, duh,” said Madeline. “I could fall asleep right here.”

Ayda laughed. “Well, don’t, because I can’t exactly carry you to bed.”

-

Madeline slept the evening away while Ayda carved, working on the gift for her mother. When Tel and Cinder returned, they left some food for Madeline and moved to the other room to talk quietly. Ayda went to bed late that night, clutching the talisman close.

When Ayda blinked awake, she knew she hadn’t been asleep for more than a few hours — it could hardly be past midnight. Moonlight, reflected by the crystal city, streamed through the window. Ayda glanced around the room. Madeline’s bed was empty.

Alarm leapt through Ayda, but even as she threw the covers back she heard a shuffling and the sound of soft voices coming from Cinder and Tel’s room. Who else was awake?

She flew over to the door and moved to push it open, but stopped when she heard ragged breathing and a low murmur from Cinder. Was Madeline crying? She hadn’t seemed upset earlier. Why hadn’t she told Ayda what was wrong?

“I can’t stop thinking about the what ifs,” Madeline whispered. “What if the plan goes wrong? What if the magic in Earth’s ley point is gone by the time we get back? What if Nadra takes my magic right away, and I won’t be able to get home.”

“We’ll figure it out. It’s a good plan. And the magic has lingered long enough already. A few days shouldn’t make much difference.” That was Cinder, his voice low and tender.

Ayda put her eye to the crack between the door and the wall. Cinder lay curled around Madeline, stroking her shoulder with his tail. Madeline hunched over, clutching a handkerchief, her face mostly hidden by the angle and the sweep of her black hair. She couldn’t see Tel — he was probably still asleep at the other end of the room.

“I know. I know it’s irrational, but I can’t help but think I’ll get home and he’ll — he’ll have died just the day before, and I’ll never get to say goodbye. And every extra day is another chance — ”

“And it’s terrifying,” Cinder said, nodding. “Madeline, I meant it when I said I would help you get home if that’s what you chose. I still mean it. We have the talisman. We can find another way to get in front of Nadra.”

Ayda’s breath caught in her throat. Not only was Madeline separated from her family too, every passing day carried the chance that her father would pass beyond her reach forever. Would Ayda have been willing to take that risk? She didn’t know. But the Three Kingdoms needed Madeline to make that decision. Ayda needed her to.

Madeline shook her head. “I need to do this. It’s the right thing to do. It’s just — hard.”

The relief Ayda felt was almost palpable.

“We’ll leave tomorrow instead.” Cinder tapped a paw on the floor, as if lost in thought. “Speed up the schedule.”

“But your side?” Madeline protested.

“I’ll be fine,” he rumbled. “The sooner she is gone, the better. For all of us.”

Madeline murmured agreement, curling up on the floor, using Cinder’s flank as a pillow. Cinder rested his head on his paws, but his expression was somber and he showed no signs of falling asleep. Ayda watched the quiet scene for a minute longer, then flew back to bed. Leaving tomorrow. That was fine with her, even if it meant her carving wouldn’t be as polished as she liked.


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558 Reviews


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Sun Aug 27, 2017 2:32 pm
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erilea wrote a review...



Heyo, Mea! Lupa here for a Review Day review! :D Let's begin.

1)

Ayda closed her eyes, relief washing through her. This would work. It had to.

She sprang up, hovering in the air. “Then we can leave tonight.”


I'm assuming that Ayda thought and said both of these things. This makes the flow a little bit strange, because you broke up these two sentences into two paragraphs instead. I would suggest combining them into one paragraph.

2)
“Ah,” said Tel. “But you do need a fast way to get to get to the ley points. That’s where I come in.”


Small error, but there should be only one "to get" in the dialogue.

3) I see you mentioned below that there's some distance growing between Ayda and Madeline, and that's an interesting choice. Why would there be? Is it because Ayda so desperately wants Madeline to defeat Nadra, and Madeline feels kind of forced to do so? Maybe this will be elaborated on in further chapters, in which case this critique is useless, but I want to know whether you should show it more in this chapter instead.

Overall, I really do love the plot in this story and the world you've created. The way they use their magic is so interesting. I'll definitely try to catch up on reviewing your other chapters soon! Keep writing, Mea. You're amazing at it.

XOX,
Lupa22
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Fri Aug 18, 2017 4:00 pm
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Lightsong wrote a review...



Hey, I'm here to review! :D Expect my presence every time you post your work. ;)

I am confused. Like, seriously. If I'm not mistaken, they come into Erinore, are told that the king's busy or something, Ayda finds her family and this? I wouldn't mind if we start the chapter with a new setting, but this part confuses me.

Did King Avantor not trust that they had accepted his dismissal of their plan, or did they need a guard for some other reason?


When have they met King Avantor and told their plan? I haven't read that part. I'm not sure if I missed something (which if I am makes me having a bad memory >.>) or if you missed posting something (which I hope is the case :D). I hope you enLighten me with this.

Aww, I just want to say in this chapter how much I adore Cinder. He's a very noble character, leaving Madeline free to make her choice, and at the same time he's also very realistic with how he pleads at her to help them. Plus him not minding fastening their schedule despite his wound needing healing and he's the most caring, selfless character I've read in this chapter. The contrast with him and Ayda, with how the latter has to hope Madeline would help (which is understandable), outline more the differences between their characters.

Of course, Madeline has to help, and I'm glad you solidify her reasons to do so. Not only she has to help in order to save Ayda's family, but she knows escaping wouldn't exactly end the problem for herself. The way you make her think like that also gives her character development, making her more mature and likeable instead of just a character who switch from 'nah I wanna go home' to 'of course I'll help' without any smooth transition that makes us believe of said transitioning.

I like how Tel catches them scheming, it shows that the king's people are competent in knowing what the people they guard are about, but I'm not really sure about him taking their side. Well, actually, I would if I know about this king's plan and how horrible it is and how Tel reacts to it the first it's introduced to the readers, but it seems the transition is a little bit too fast.

I'm also not sure with the last part where Madeline breaks down to Cinder, laying out all her fears about their upcoming plan. It's nice to see her in that state because it means she knows what she's going to do and what would happen if something goes wrong and the realization it can cost her her life, but the part where I'm iffy about is how Ayda is left out of this moment. I'm not sure the reason you do it, but if anything else, I would think Ayda would be the first person Madeline shares all of this because she's the first and longest person Madeline has been with since Madeline enters this world. So yeah, it's a bit weird.

All in all, I'm very excited to see what's going to happen next. Keep up the good job! :D




Mea says...


...Crap, Yeah, I posted this in the wrong order. There should be a part before this that I'll get to posting right now. (This is what happens when you're a week or so behind in posting lol.)

I'll just say that Ayda's left out of that conversation for a reason - a bit of a distance is growing between them that I'm not sure if I need to emphasize more or not, but based on your feedback I probably do.




If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them.
— Henry David Thoreau, "Walden"