Mixing Magic [Draft 2]: Chapter 3.2

by Mea

Published July 10, 2017

In Mixing Magic Draft 2

A/N: For those new, Ayda is a fairy and Madeline is a human from our world, and they're traveling together to a center of learning to see if the scholars there can get Madeline home.

Nikka sat on the river Sia, which wound its way east until it joined with the Lemari River, and at that junction was where Moonwater, capital of Arvania, lay. Along the river Sia, from far beyond Nikka to the gates of Moonwater, ran a well-traveled road.

The road that Ayda and Madeline were not going to take.

“For two reasons,” Ayda explained to Madeline as they set off, heading almost directly east to parallel the road. “First, you’ll draw attention on the road, and I don’t have a cloak big enough for you to wear and cover the fact you’re not a dryad. Second, I got seen as I was leaving. My sister woke up, though I flew away before she could stop me. That means we’ve lost our lead, and they might already be scouting out the road for me.”

“Though the forest all the way there? Are you sure?” Madeline asked, pushing aside a low-hanging branch. “We’ll be so much faster on the road.”

Madeline had a point — food was a problem, and going off-road might take them three days instead of two.

“The forest turns into grassland,” said Ayda. “We usually camp at the edge on the first day. I guess there’s not much point in staying off the road in the grasslands, since you can see for miles. It would draw more attention than staying on the road. But I honestly don’t know how people will react to seeing you walking down the road.”

“We need a cloak,” Madeline agreed. “I don’t want trouble.”

“There’s a Big Folk town on the edge of the forest,” Ayda said. “I have a little bit of money — I’ll buy you one there.”

“You can carry something like that?” Madeline asked.

“Sure, as long as it’s a light cloak. It’ll be awkward, but I’ll manage.”

Near Nikka, the land surrounding the river Sia was, thank the stars, largely flat, and so as long as Ayda and Madeline paralleled the road, it was fairly easy going. An hour in, however, Ayda’s pack, which she wasn’t used to having to carry while flying, began to weigh her down.

“Here,” Madeline said, looking up at her as Ayda landed briefly on the branch to rest her wings. “Give me your pack — it’ll fit around my arm, and I’m not carrying anything.”

After a moment, Ayda agreed, flying down to land on Madeline’s outstretched hand. It was the first time she had done so, but Madeline’s hand stayed firm and steady as Ayda took off her pack and handed it to the girl. Madeline pulled it onto her wrist, taking care not to break the straps, and it sat there like an odd wristguard.

“Sit on my shoulder so we can keep going while you rest,” Madeline offered, brushing back her hair.

Ayda looked at Madeline, who was waiting expectantly, then at her shoulder, then back again. She had never done something like that before, and didn’t think she’d ever seen another fairy do it either. But she shrugged and flew up, turning and settling down carefully. If she reached up, she could just tug on Madeline’s earlobe.

“Ready?” Madeline said, her voice booming in Ayda’s ears.

“I think so,” Ayda said, and Madeline took a step forward. Ayda seized Madeline’s shirt as the world lurched beneath her, but as Madeline took another step and another, Ayda began to grow used to her gait, and soon she was laughing with delight. It was like riding a very large squirrel. Madeline glanced at Ayda and grinned.

-

But soon the landscape changed, the river beginning to wind through long hills. The road followed closely in the valley, but Ayda and Madeline had to go up and over many an edge of a hill, and soon Ayda left Madeline’s shoulder and was flying again, scouting ahead and keeping an eye out for any unpleasant plants or wildlife, calling back to Madeline and showing her the areas she should skirt.

And as they hiked, Madeline continued to impress Ayda, selecting a sturdy hiking stick as soon as she found one, and quickly learning which plants to avoid. When Ayda complimented her, she only shrugged, saying “I’ve always liked hiking.”

Their only barrier was water — food Ayda managed to scavenge, enough for her and, between it and what was in the pack, enough for Madeline. But the girl constantly needed water, and so they took to crossing the road whenever they could and hiking along the river when there was enough cover, or when nobody was in sight.

Near noon, they were struggling up another hill when Ayda spotted a large boysenberry bush and suggested they stop for a rest. Madeline gratefully agreed, sinking down on a fallen log. Ayda landed on the bush and began to pick the berries, using her magic to tell which were safest and sweetest, as well as to protect the bush from pain.

“Why do you keep doing that?” Madeline asked.

“Doing what?”

“Every time you go to pick a berry, you put your hand on the twig for a moment. Is it like a prayer?”

Ayda laughed. “No, it’s my magic. I’m using it to make sure the berries I pick are good.”

“So you do have magic here!” Madeline exclaimed. “How does it work?”

“It’s mostly intuitive, but every species’ magic is different,” said Ayda. “So that’s sort of a long question. But for fairies like me, we follow the elemental patterns — each fairy is either water, earth, fire, or air. It’s usually hereditary.”

“I’m guessing you’re an Earth fairy?” Madeline said. “What are the other sorts of things you can do? Are there rules?”

Ayda nodded. “No formal rules. Don’t go against nature — we aren’t powerful enough for that anyway. Don’t harm plants. Keep it simple. Fairy magic is for smaller things. I can help a plant grow over time in an exact formation — my family does that a lot for clients — or ripen fruit more quickly, or make medicines last longer. Most of it is just redirecting energy, so you have to know your strength and the things Earth energy can do. It’s nothing too flashy — we’re not dryads.”

“And the other fairies?”

“More of the same. Water fairies can’t stop the rain, but they can get water out of cloth, or tell if a well is clean. Air fairies can twist air currents around them. And fire fairies are always wanted in the forges — some of them can control the heat of a fire exactly.”

“I wish I could do that,” Madeline said enviously.

“What’s wrong with your own magic?” Ayda asked, tossing Madeline another berry.

She caught it neatly. “I don’t have any,” she said, matter-of-fact.

Ayda was sure she had heard wrong. “What do you mean you don’t have any? Did you use it all up?” That happened sometimes if people overextended themselves.

Madeline shook her head. “Ayda, nobody in my world has magic.”

“That can’t be right,” Ayda insisted. “Everybody in the Three Kingdoms does.”

She closed her eyes and concentrated. Madeline did have magic; she could feel it, small and strange to her magical sense, but it was there.

“I think if everybody in my world had magic, we would know,” Madeline pointed out.

This didn’t make any sense. Was Madeline lying to her? “Madeline, I can feel your magic. It’s definitely there.”

Had she felt it when she first met Madeline in the forest? Ayda didn’t remember noticing either an absence of magic, or this new, strange type of magic.

Madeline looked down at herself reflexively. “You’re telling me I have magic. That it’s in me, right now.”

Ayda nodded.

Madeline closed her eyes. “What does it feel like?”

Ayda was at a loss for words. How could she describe the sensation of magic? “It’s like… it’s like when you catch a flicker of movement out of the corner of your eye. Sort of. But for your own magic…” How could you not feel it?

Madeline stayed very still for a moment. “I think I felt something,” she said at last, opening her eyes. “But I don’t know. If I do have magic, then what can I do with it?” She was fingering her necklace again.

“It should be intuitive, at least to some degree,” Ayda said. “I’m sorry, Madeline, but I have no idea what human magic might do.”

“One more thing to ask at Crescent Moon,” Madeline said, echoing Ayda’s own thoughts.

They ate in silence for a minute, Madeline helping to pick the berries now.

“What’s the charm on your necklace?” Ayda finally asked.

“Oh, this?” Madeline said, pulling it out from under her shirt. She held it tenderly, and Ayda flew over to get a closer look at it. It was made of silver, in the shape of a bird, wings outstretched.

“It’s an eagle,” Madeline said. “My… dad gave it to me a few days ago. His parents were raised Cherokee. They left with my dad when he was little, but they passed this down to him.”

Ayda didn’t know the significance of the bird, but the necklace was clearly important to Madeline. “It’s beautiful,” she said, running her fingers over the detailed pendant. When she let go, Madeline smiled and tucked it back in her shirt, out of sight next to her heart.

-

The attack came when they were only a mile away from the edge of the forest.

The light was fading fast, and they had just reached the bottom of a long gully. Some rustle of leaves, or gleam of fur in the poor light, must have alerted Ayda, for she spun around.

An enormous shadow burst out of a nearby bush, arcing through the air towards her. Ayda barely had time to register that it was a Shade before a huge paw batted at her and brought her crashing down to earth. Ayda hit the ground hard, her wings crumpling underneath her while her mind still fought to catch up. What in the Elementals’ name was a Shade doing in the forests here, and why was he attacking her?

She struggled to breathe under the weight of his heavy paw and the stink of his breath, her vision blurring as she gasped. Suddenly the weight was lifted, and as Ayda rolled onto her side the Shade bounded towards Madeline, who in turn was backing away slowly, her eyes wide and terrified.

And yet, it wasn’t a Shade, or if it was, it was unlike any Ayda had seen. He was lanky and four-legged, with no wings, but large horns that curled from behind his ears. All normal variation for a Shade. But his magic felt wrong. And his eyes — when he pinned her down, they had been red.

Ayda lay there, frozen, her breath coming in ragged gasps. “Run, Madeline” she tried to shout, but it came out as a strangled squeak. She knew she needed to do something, twist sunlight to try to burn him maybe, but her mind was cloudy and her whole back burned with an intensity she hadn’t thought possible. Through the haze of pain, one thought pierced her mind. Why hasn’t he pounced yet?

Madeline, still edging backwards, tripped over a tree root. The Shade leapt forward. A scream —Madeline’s or Ayda’s own she could not tell — pierced the air, followed by a loud crack! A whimper as the Shade reeled back, a thud as he hit the earth and ran away, then the only sound in Ayda’s ears was her own rapid breath.

A minute later, Madeline loomed over Ayda, and a soft, warm hand curled around her and lifted her gently. She could feel the girl’s still-thudding heartbeat pounding in time with her own.

“Are you okay?” Madeline asked, peering down at her.

Ayda pushed herself to a sitting position. “Fine. Just winded.”

“What was that thing?”

“A Shade, I think. But he had red eyes, and his magic felt twisted,” Ayda shuddered. “Something’s very wrong. He attacked like an animal. How did you chase him away?”

Madeline frowned. “I’m not sure,” she said. “I fell, and he was coming right at me. I grabbed a stick and tried to block him. Something rushed up through my arm and into the stick. And the Shade bounced back as soon as he hit it, like it was a force field or something. Then he ran off, scared.”

“That has to be your magic,” Ayda interrupted, gingerly stretching out her wings and giving them a few hesitant flaps. “Can you still feel it?”

Madeline nodded, her face pale. “It’s like a bonfire inside me, Ayda — I’m scared to try anything.”

“You’ll get used to it,” Ayda reassured her. She couldn’t imagine being uncomfortable with her own magic, but maybe if Madeline really hadn’t had it before she came here…

“What kind of magic do you think I have?” she asked.

“I told you, I really don’t know,” Ayda said. “It seems to have centered on the stick, so it could be nature-related. But I don’t know of any similar magic to what you did.”

The pain in Ayda’s back was fading, though her wings still hurt and she was going to have a mass of bruises tomorrow. “We should get out of here before he comes back.”

“And let’s stick close to the road for a while,” Madeline agreed.

Ayda’s wings still ached, so she rode on Madeline’s shoulder again. She could tell Madeline was exhausted from this first use of her magic, but the pace she set for herself was relentless, and Ayda found herself wishing Madeline could go even faster. She only felt slightly more safe when they were walking a stone’s throw from the road again. She couldn’t help but remember the rumors she and her mother had laughed at only yesterday. Why had the Shade attacked them? Maybe there was truth to the gossip after all.

“These woods have never been dangerous,” Ayda said to herself. “Never.” But it was a vain repetition, and she knew it.

Comments & reviews · 7
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Brigadier
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Brigadier wrote a review Review · Sep 15, 2017

I continue to like the inclusion of the magic explanations and how they're not all info-dumpy, since they could become like that very easily. The idea of Madeline having magic felt forced in the beginning like "oh obviously everyone has some sort of magic. we don't have squibs in this universe, you know." Maybe I'm exaggerating a little bit here but Ayda's confidence in everything she says here is just a little annoying. Or over the top. One of those two should end up fitting how she talks.
Part of it is just the characters because Madeline is coming from a world where magic is real and maybe Ayda isn't trying to talk down, but let's be honest in saying she is. And also no matter how much I dislike it, the interactions between the two really wouldn't work out. If madeline didn't question and Ayda didn't so it so matter of factly, I don't think the chapter would get anywhere.

The attack from the Shade just makes things more and more mysterious. It starts to clear up what direction this plot is going and that if the Shade are under the influence of someone else, they will clearly become Top Bad Guy. I'm also expecting Unnamed Henchman #1 and #2 to be introduced soon because you can't really have a good time without some evil characters.

There are points where the setting and explanations could be more clear because they're simple trip ups. I didn't really trip that often so I didn't matter in this chapter, but I might be stirring the pot more with this later on. The imagery and the walk through the forest is really thorough, which I'm appreciating the ease of picturing the scene, I just get confused about the location.

“These woods have never been dangerous,” Ayda said to herself. “Never.” But it was a vain repetition, and she knew it.

This has been the best lead in to the next part that I have seen so far. The others were rather weak and only had me mildly interested to continue but now we're all wondering about the woods and why it's so dangerous now. The sudden interest is really my official overall opinion now. The lead up was kind of plain and slow but now I'm starting to have a good time, so we'll see where that goes.

Mea replied · Sep 15, 2017

Hm, I'll have to decide if Ayda's overconfidence (and thus being mildly annoying is intentional) - I think it fits her character really well, but I might need to tone it down for likability purposes.

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ChocoDanish
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ChocoDanish commented Comment · Aug 23, 2017

interesting

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ChocoDanish
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ChocoDanish wrote a review Review · Aug 23, 2017

the size gap between the two i understand but isn't a river would be like an ocean for a fairy? a hill would be a mountain? Yay magic it be cool if madeline didn't have magic and have like inventing stuff skill or something but oh well. I'm interested in the lady that madeline followed to the fairy realm. also i wonder about the time difference between realms. madeline's family must be worried sick. Ayda's family must be furious or something. big folk? like dwarfs or something?

Mea replied · Aug 23, 2017

Yeah, playing with the size differences has been the most interesting part of this whole thing because on the one hand, everything looks huge to Ayda, but on the other she's used to everything looking huge, so it's just normal to her. So by and large I decided not to overemphasize how big things were. Fairies can fly pretty fast, so travel times aren't too much of a problem. Oh, and Big Folk refer to anyone about human-sized or larger - so dryads, centaurs, etc. I'll try to make that clearer. Thanks for the review!

alternate time for different dimension. like a day in ayda realm is a minute in madeline world?

Mea replied · Aug 23, 2017

The timelines are (mostly) synced. So yes, Madeline has been gone for several days now. And yes, her parents are worried sick.

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deleted221222
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deleted221222 wrote a review Review · Jul 30, 2017

So my last review before I sleep. I'll get to the rest of your story when I wake up.

I'm a bit sad that the Shade attacked the girls while probably under some sort of spell. It would be kind of funny that the reasons the Shade were attacking caravans were because they were just looting them. I'm not going to dock any points, I'm just saying.

Ayda doesn't really have any major developments, but I'm liking Madie. Her childlike personality is mixing well with a sense of level headedness. Her chemistry with Ayda is also well done. It seems fitting that Madie's magic is a forcefield.

The plot doesn't really develop, but that's understandable. The only thing they really do is walk through a forest, so I shouldn't expect any major plot twists. The introduction to the shade is interesting. While I wouldn't have gone straight into a battle scene like that, it was well executed. I really want to know what their deal is.

The sense of a world is starting to take shape. Giving descriptions like you did at the start was a great way of showing off how your world works.

At least now I know how magic works in your story, though just barely. It doesn't seem to leave much growth to anyone besides Madie, but then again, you haven't Mixed Magic yet (This is an annoying reoccurring gag), so I don't know the limits.

Overall, it's probably your most average chapter. The main problem here is that there's a lack of real progression. Of course, to explain everything you did, it'd probably need to ignore progression in favour of everything else. Then again, this is probably what happens when you split each chapter into two and release each separately.

Mea replied · Jul 30, 2017

I don't know why, but your nickname for Madeline amuses me. And thank you very much for all the reviews - they're very helpful.

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Wolfi
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Wolfi wrote a review Review · Jul 30, 2017

Happy Review Day!!!

UGH I'm behind. Like always. You write too fast. xD

Nikka sat on the river Sia

This really confused me at first because I thought Nikka was a person! I thought that all of a sudden we had switched perspectives and I thought that was cool, but then by the next paragraph we were back to Ayda and Madeline again. You've probably already stated that Nikka is a city or a town and not a person, but I didn't remember and especially because it sounds like a name, I would recommend clarifying this here, just like you did here with Sia, saying it's a river.

“Though the forest all the way there?

*Through?

She had never done something like that before, and didn’t think she’d ever seen another fairy do it either.

Well, of course! There's no humans. Does she mean with other Big Folk?

Ayda nodded. “No formal rules.

This is worded correctly, but it's odd for nodding and saying "no" to be right next to each other.

She closed her eyes and concentrated. Madeline did have magic; she could feel it, small and strange to her magical sense, but it was there.

Ooooh okay this is interesting! Their conversation about magic and Ayda's shock about Madeline claiming not to have any is excellent. I was feeling that Madeline and Ayda's conversations were too easy for people who live in totally separate worlds, and I still kind of feel that, but this is good because it's skimming the surface of how different their cultures are. I'd like to see more of this though, and more stuff like struggling with syntax and differing figures of speech. They don't seem at all off-put with one another even though a short time ago they thought each other's species didn't exist.

They ate in silence for a minute, Madeline helping to pick the berries now.

This is a small thing, but I wouldn't think Ayda would want Madeline to help because Ayda herself has to do the magic thing that protects the bush from pain.

His parents were raised Cherokee.

: D

Something rushed up through my arm and into the stick.

Ohohohoh

“And let’s stick close to the road for a while,” Madeline agreed.

That pun tho

THIS IS SO GOOD

I'm loving the action with the Shade and your writing is fabulous! This is getting so exciting. :D Onto the next chapter!

Mea replied · Jul 30, 2017

Yeah, Nikka is the town where Ayda lives. xD Thanks for the review!

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PrincessInk
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PrincessInk wrote a review Review · Jul 11, 2017

Hello there!

I'm really enjoying the interactions between the characters. I can tell that Madeline is quite sensible and practical and knowledgeable--judging from her hiking skills and her letting Ayda sit on her shoulder and hand over the bag. So Ayda must be quite small, really? Madeline is probably less impulsive than Ayda. She's the sort who remarkably adapts to their surroundings well.

And that's why once she has seen her magic in action, she readily accepts it and feels it.

One thing that puzzled me a little was the size thing. I was guessing that Ayda is much smaller than Madeline because she can sit on a twig of a bush, but I wasn't quite sure what is the size of the Shade. I don't know if that's an important detail or if that's only me--yet I think it would be nice to know their sizes.

I really like the way Ayda talks about magic. It doesn't sound like a textbook like some exposition in dialogue may sound. It sounds like she's remembering the basic keywords BUT she's inserting her own way of speaking and plenty of contractions. And then immediately after the Shade attacked :p. I already kind of guessed that Madeline would use her magic when I read that "The attack came". It felt a bit like some heavy-handed foreshadowing yet I'm not sure if this isn't the best order of events or not.

A final thing: Ayda hasn't thought about her parents ever since they began the journey? To me, because of all the care she put into running off, she might still be afraid that they might find her with Madeline. Well, and then a mess. I'm not fond of inner monologue overwhelming the story but a slight hint about her thinking about her parents might be nice.

So...anyway! I'm looking forward to the next installment :)

Mea replied · Jul 12, 2017

Thank you as always! I've been really appreciating these reviews. :D

DragonWriter22 wrote a review Review · Jul 11, 2017

Hello!

There are several things I really like about this part. Seeing Madeline and Ayda interact is wonderful and really is good for the story. In the previous draft they had fewer close interactions and I think this will add a lot more depth to the events that come later. Oh, also

It was like riding a very large squirrel.


XD I really liked that line and found it hilarious.

Anyway, another thing I liked was the bit of geography that described the rivers and capital. It adds depth to your world and makes it feel more like a real place that expands beyond what the story covers. The first part:

Nikka sat on the river Sia, which wound its way east until it joined with the Lemari River


read well, but then after that it felt like things became broken up a lot with commas. There's a lot of information to include, but the large amount of commas made the sentences feel broken up and stitched together. Some rearranging might help that be easier to read and picture.

I liked the way you discussed magic here. The conversation between Ayda and Madeline felt very real and is precisely how I'd imagine such a conversation to go. Ayda's bafflement about Madeline claiming not to have magic was well done and Madeline's "matter-of-fact"-ness was also very good. The only thing that might strengthen that is showing more surprise from Madeline. If I'd lived my entire life without magic (as I have) and then discovered I had it, I'd probably have one of those face-plant-on-the-couch moments of shock that I get. Then again, I'm a fantasy nerd, so Madeline might have a less strong reaction. Though I still imagine anyone finding out they have magic would be pretty shocked. She took it rather calmly.

Again, en-spoilered for those who haven't read your previous draft:

Spoiler
There's two things I wanted to mention here:

1.
This didn’t make any sense. Was Madeline lying to her?


HahaHa! The seeds of distrust. It's a valid reaction, but it also shows how they still don't quite know each other closely yet, and it shows there is a possibility for fracture in their new friendship.

2.
She was fingering her necklace again.


FoOOOooorshadowing



Also: Ah, you moved the shade attack. It works well here :)

Though it feels a tad coincidental/contrived that they'd be discussing magic the passage before Madeline's magic first manifests. It's generally nice to have that sort of information introduced earlier, as it is interesting enough on it's own, before it's needed again. The detail of the rogue band of shades is a good example of that. I can understand the difficulty of separating it though since I felt like both the shade's attack and the way you introduced the topic of magic felt natural where they were in the story. It's only the fact that they're together that it feels off.

Can't wait for more! :D

Mea replied · Jul 11, 2017

Yeah, I got to this part and was annoyed I hadn't managed to slip in the discussion about magic earlier. And fooooorshadowing. :D

And you would definitely 510% percent face-plant on the couch if you were suddenly told you had magic. (I read this to Katie and she agreed with me.)



It's hard to enjoy practical jokes when your whole life feels like one.
— Rick Riordan, The Last Olympian