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A Cringey Cloud of Tears | First Piece's First Lines

by MaybeAndrew, FireEyes, IcyFlame, NivedaJames22, QueenMadrose, TrinityPoeting


This is a collection of many YWSers first works first (and sometimes last) lines

Thank you all so much for contributing your first lines! This was really fun. So sorry if we missed anyone

All lines were left entirely unedited and in their original state. Enjoy the innocence and youth of it

.

.

.

1. A cloud of cotton candy 

2. It's raining. It's unnerving.

3. Abhirami, are you sure you did not cheat?

4. Nick?” I say, half hoping that he won’t answer. 

5. You are obsessed with being depressed 

.

7. The chameleon had always fascinated her 

8. Mummy's pet, daddy's pet 

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9. The king of Shard walked down the cold castle hallway next to his brother Eric after dinner.

10."Nice to see you in a suit. It’s very…. Grey."

11.“So, what should we talk about now, Olivia? "

12. music, wonderful, peaceful.Beautiful. 

13. Will wasn't sure. 

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14. After my mom had taken her shower, I started to make my breakfast.

15.Nivu got up without replying and walked towards the car, wondering how her new class would be.

16 As the other space kitties yawned and stretched around her, 

17. louder than a drum beating.

18. Take a second and listen.

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19. I sit here in silence, watching the raging storm through the open window. 

20. Its coming I can feel it. only Time will tell. 

21. Crying is worthless

22. She didn't even feel any tears that wanted to fall, if she even had any.

23. All tears if collected in a single receptacle would be enough.

24. And I will be me. 

25 But to you,that was hard believing

26. Well, at least he’s being sincere, I think.


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95 Reviews


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Sat Oct 23, 2021 8:46 pm
vampricone6783 wrote a review...



This was fun to read! Reading your old writing can really show how far you’ve come.It also shows how much you’ve improved.We all have our first writing pieces that don’t sound as good as we thought they did.(Myself included) but it’s nice to read old works.We just need to keep writing.After all,those first few sentences were the start of something more.




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Sat Oct 23, 2021 6:00 pm
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AriesBookworm wrote a review...



I loved this. I think we can all look back at our old works and chuckle. Whether they were good or bad, it is nice looking back at what we have written and how far we have come. We have all made improvements to our writing. This poem has a nostalgic feel to it. Like a writer reflecting on what they have written and thinking "Wow, look at how far I have come." When you truly want to write, you do not do it once and give up. You do it again and again and again and again. Because that is what you were meant to do.




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Tue Oct 12, 2021 11:03 pm
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Em16 wrote a review...



I love the idea behind this poem, and I thought it was really fun to read. Normally, a poem or a short story is the work of one single, unified mind, and this is a stark contrast to that. I loved the way I could feel the unique voice behind each line, and the combination created a feeling almost like a symphony, like a million tiny voices, each special and meaningful, talking together in concert. It had a weight and a power to it that a poem written by only one person doesn't have.
I also loved the diversity of ideas that appeared throughout the poem. It was really exciting to see the way the topics changed and mutated, and I was always pleasantly surprised by each successive line. The wide range of subject matter made the poem feel almost like a novel.
However, there were some ways I felt the different lines could have been integrated better. For one thing, I felt like it wasn't necessary to include the numbers, and they cut into the flow of the poem. It made it feel more like a list than a poem, and I think the lines would work fine just on their own, without the numbers putting them in order. Also, some lines were more poetic than others. Some lines stood out as clearly belonging in a work of fiction rather than poetry, and they kind of interrupted the flow. Some lines were really beautiful and evocative, or mysterious and elegant, and drew me in as a reader. But some of the lines gave me a bit of a shock, with how upfront and straightforward they are. I would suggest being more selective in the first lines that you include, or placing them in a different order, so that the more poetic lines go in one stanza, and the more narrative first lines into another.
Overall, though, this was an amazing poem and a very interesting read. All the writers you included had very well written first lines, and put together they make a pretty good poem.




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Sat Oct 09, 2021 5:21 am
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ForeverYoung299 says...



Wow, that poem actually read cool :D
Thanks for coming up with this idea.
And on a side note, I guess if you just write queenmadrose instead of QueenMadrose, it might work. Lemme try @QueenMadrose

Edit: It worked. That might be a way to tag people. I wondee why writing the actual name didn't work...




QueenMadrose says...


Thank you,for tagging me



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Fri Oct 08, 2021 6:33 pm
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SadboyJay wrote a review...



hi Andrew nice to see you and your new collabs and poem

So i im going to get started

First of y'all i im glad that everyone helped you Andrew write this kinda of poem and also when i see this i was in shock that ari was in it cause when she was in these type of poems like this and also i love ari poems and some of the people that worked with you Andrew and make sure you find the same people that worked with you this poem will do the same on the next one and to me its was like so much people that it was a poem i thought it was a novel when i was looking at it and it turns out that the poem was actually good and everyone did a super duper job on this poem and i im glad they worked with you

Andrew my compliment is how was it to collab with all these people anyway Andrew cause to me it seemed nice to work with them on a poem so how did you get all of them to work with you Andrew cause i im proud of the same people always that had worked with you Andrew

How you can improve is Andrew next time i would want to see some chapters by this people and also you cause all would be super good and all can go against harry crew and y'all doing novels as well so its up to y'all if all want to do that Andrew

Keep Writing Andrew and also the crew who worked with you also keep writing

-jay!!




QueenMadrose says...


<33



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Fri Oct 08, 2021 6:05 pm
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MaybeAndrew says...



Here's everyone that contributed and what lines are theirs. Once again thanks y'all! And thanks for being brave enough to post your first piece! I'm so glad you all kept writing more than just that first piece! The world needs your writing, and I'm glad you're all here hanging on YWS!
Special thanks to @NivedaJames22 @QueenMadrose @IcyFlame
@FireEyes and @TrinityPoeting for helping write the poem!

1. @alliyah
2. @tweezers
3. @NivedaJames22
4. @Que
5. @QueenMadrose
7. @Liminality
8. @Phillauthet
9. @AlyTheBookworm
11. @IcyFlame
12. @FireEyes
13. @TrinityPoeting
14. @BluesClues
15. @Magebird
16.@NivedaJames22
17. @AceassinOfTheMoon
18. @Phillauthet
19. @TrinityPoeting
20. @IcyFlame
22. @MaybeAndrew
23. @ForeverYoung299?
24. @BluesClues
25, @ForeverYoung299
26. @IcyFlame
27 @QueenMadrose
28. @Que






XD Que getting tagged entirely too many times and madrose not getting tagged reminds me of the 20in20 thing



QueenMadrose says...


XD





Love this lol. Thanks for putting it together Andrew :D



QueenMadrose says...


I didn't get tagged at all Lol




Make sure you marry someone who laughs at the same things you do.
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