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Young Writers Society



Whale Hunting on Saturn

by MaybeAndrew


Adria had never noticed how fast the sunship’s left port. They were all lined up, their golden bows reflecting brightly in the glowing sun, their white sails whipping in the breeze. They all stood in a line, each waiting their turn to be tugged out of the port. Adria watched each of the tiny figures moving on the vast ship’s decks. Climbing in the Stella-Belunas skin sails, walking on the golden Merceaidon wood that glowed with the yellow light that in part gave the ships their names. She was looking for James even though she knew it was futile. From all the way atop the highest hill in New Alexandra, there was no way she was going to see him. She still looked, though, nervously twisting her Wedlock ring around her finger.

So many young men - so many brothers, sons, and husbands, all gave up 4 years, possibly their very lives, for what?

For them.

For the Stella-Belunas. The Sun Whales. The great leviathans that rode the solar winds, fought dragons, and ate the Golden Star Krill. Every part of the Stella-Belunas body was valuable, but the Sun Oil they concentrated from the Star Krill was the treasure that drew the thousands of sailors. The sun oil allowed everyone from the lowliest Ether Salmon fishers to the great ships of the Royal Solus Navy to travel between the planets. Even the magic which allowed New Alexandra to float above the seas of Saturn required the glowing honey-like liquid contained in the giant beasts.

But it came at a cost. Its price must be paid in blood, human blood. Like all great treasures, it was guarded.

Adria looked down at the churning depths of the Saturn sea, a churning mass of currents of gasses, liquids, and Ether. It went down and down, getting denser and denser until it hit the spinning magnetic core. The sea was broad and expensive, filling the above and below, extending all the way around the huge planet, with enough ocean to cover the entire Earth in Noah’s flood seven hundred times over.

Today it looked gentle, sweet, almost kind, the morning sun striking the edges of the flowing clouds of gasses and making them glow gold as they lazily rolled across the sky below, the sun reflecting down through the gaps to the lower clouds of brown and blue hughes.

But she knew beneath that gentle illusion was a deep dark depth of danger. There were the storms of Ether and arcane energy that could destroy even the biggest ships. There were the deadly falling asteroids that could rip the strongest hulls. There were the beautiful Harpies that could tempt even the most loyal husbands.

And worst of all, there were the Whales themselves. The Leviathans which the men threw themselves at like young lovers. But not to seduce, but to spear and kill. And unlike the petite lover, these beasts could grow as large as some of the cities of Earth. Living in the depths of space with no gravity to restrict them, they could become titans over the passing millennia.

In between the planets, they had to fend off dragons and spearworms, so they evolved wickedly sharp teeth, thick hide, and the ability to shoot Sun Oil in destructive beams. They were the gods of space, and only once did these titanic beings of eternal power and life have to descend to the immortal planets. After hundreds of years of eating and growing, these lone leviathans would make their way to the planet Saturn. Only there could they find a mate.

Then, the hunters would descend in the thousands every year. They went down into the dangerous seas to hunt the great beasts.

This year, James would be one of them.

Many of these brave souls did not return. Entire ships could be destroyed and sink forever, gone to the core of the planet.

Would James be one of those lost this year?

Adria leaned against the tree for support. She was in a Terrain city park in New Alexandra - so it was an earth tree, taken from her home planet. So many of those humans on Earth did not know that the solar system was anything besides cold and dead. The royal federation kept that secret well…

Her thoughts were interrupted by the distant sound of a horn. It announced that another boat was being taken out of the harbor, one of the metal tug boats taking it by rope, black steam pouring out of its chimney.

She felt a panic rising in her chest at the sound. She tingled with terror from the tips of her toes and fingers. The fluttering terror crashed back into her stomach like a kick and smothered her oppressive pressure. James could be on that boat. James could be leaving this harbor never to return it… or, at the very least, not to return for four years. In that time, what changes would occur that she could never get to see? What laughs, smiles, tears, and thoughts of his would she not witness?

She looked down at her stomach, her slightly protruding stomach. Four earth years and his son would be talking, walking, and he would have missed it all.

She took a shuddering breath and tried to picture his face. She was already forgetting him. She was most afraid of that. She held onto the sound of his voice, the contours of his face, the feeling of his rough hand…. If she forgot him and he never came back... and even if he did, if she forgot, how could she tell little James about his father?

Suddenly, she felt a hand on her shoulder. She whirled around to see that face. James was standing behind her, his usual blond scruff on his square head. It was him, with his thin but muscular frame.

She collapsed into his arms and held back a sob.

“I just wanted to say goodbye.” He said.

She resisted the rising waves of tears. She knew this was as hard for him as for her. “Why must you go? Why must you leave me for a bunch of dumb beasts?” She asked the anger she felt earlier rising from the sadness.

He pulled her away and grabbed her face, and looked into it severely. “I’m not doing this for them. I do nothing for those whales, or that sun oil, or for the wealth. I do it for you, I do it for him,” He nodded down at her stomach, “In the end, I could not care a drop for what we find out there, except in what treasure I can bring back for you and our son. Do you understand that?”

She nodded, and he let go of her face.

“What…” She stopped. She couldn’t bring herself to breathe that fear, to say that almost insult.

“What if I die?” James finished, “Or worse yet, what if I tire of my wife and never return, like many an unloving sailor?”

She nodded, and he looked out at the ships, “I’ve left before. This time it’ll just be a little longer. We’re no strangers to love.”

She nodded and took a deep breath, “I know, I know. But four years is so long, four years… could you just come to visit?”

He shook his head, “You know the rules, and so do I,”

She nodded, successfully clearing most of the emotion, thinking of the blessed time after, when they could live in the house of their dreams, and she wouldn’t have to work anymore, and she could just be the mother she’d always wanted to be.

“Are you planning on just being a sailor or committing to the trust?” By joining the trust, he would put his very soul’s worth on the line for the ship, but it meant he would not just get a salary but a percentage.

“A full commitment’s what I’m thinking of,” James said.

Suddenly, he grabbed her and dragged her back into his arms. “You wouldn’t get this from any other guy,” He chuckled sadly. Adria understood. He was risking even his sailor by sneaking back to say goodbye.

She could hear his heartbeat against her face as he held her close

“I just wanna tell you how I’m feeling. Gotta make you understand…” He whispered. “Never gonna give you up, Never gonna let you down, Never gonna run around and desert you…..

Never gonna make you cry.

Never gonna say goodbye

Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

We’ve known each other for so long…"

YOU HAVE BEEN APRIL FOOLED. You might not have considered it was possible to get rickrolled through a short story… but I DID IT.

Anyway, I put to way much work into that. Happy April!


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Thu Apr 28, 2022 3:15 am
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PoetryMisfit wrote a review...



Hi MaybeAndrew.

As an April Fool's joke this story had extensive depth, so much so it could submerge a thousand Sun whales (excuse my sad attempt at punny humor). Onto the review!

Okay so I know this is an April Fool's prank, in which I would consider myself fooled because I rickrolled right through the story. The swell of emotion during the goodbye scene and captivating imagery really intrigued me, and I'm hoping you'll develop this world more either in this story or possibly a novel? This story has a lot of potential to be incredible, it already is and this is only a vignette!

"So many young men - so many brothers, sons, and husbands, all gave up 4 years, possibly their very lives, for what?" (a detail of intrigue. Though your opening employs beautiful descriptions, this line seems to be where the plot realy begins to move. I enjoy the mystery behind all of the details because it's being told from a character's perspective who is already familiar with them and I as the reader am held in suspense. It's that feeling that urged me to continue reading; to unravel the mystery of the sunships and their importance to the story. I most definitely got Treasure Planet vibes during your first paragraph).

"The great leviathans that rode the solar winds, fought dragons, and ate the Golden Star Krill." (This sentence gave me pause because of how well you captured the fanatasticality of these creatures' existence. Imaginging Sun whales swimming through the vastness of space implies how much expanse there is to explore. This sentence and so many others that saluted to other fantastical creatures and oddities inspired a desire in me to explore your world.)

You isolate certain sentences or group of sentences that does a great job of emphasizing the details and plot points laid out in them. This sentence format really dramatizes your story and by doing so propels the story forward.

I do have a couple line-edit suggestions that I offer constructively, but you can do with them as you will:

"He pulled her away and grabbed her face, and looked into it severely." (This sentence seemed a bit too busy. I would recommend removing one of the "and"s and replacing it with a comma to provide more fluidity to the sentence. "The road to hell is paved with adverbs", that's a quote by Stephen King. I like the description here of how he looks severely into her eyes, adding emphasis to his focus on her and his words, but the adverb is a bit distracting. I recommend replacing "looked" with a stronger, more specific verb that implies the severity you describe here, i.e stare or gaze, and removing "severely" entirely or rearranging the sentence to change the adverb to a verb or adjective).

"Adria looked down at the churning depths of the Saturn sea, a churning mass of currents of gasses, liquids, and Ether." (This sentence is also a bit superfluous in the details where you describe the gasses, liquids, and Ether. I recommend removing one of the descriptive nouns "mass" or "currents" and leaving the other. Just one description is necessary to drive the image home).

Overall, your descriptions are beautiful, especially with how they leave much to the imagination. I love the mystery in the way you describe the world through the perspective of someone who is already familiar with it but to the reader it is all a discovery. This way of writing creates an immersive read. This was a very intriguing, well developed story, but I'm tempted to read the end of your pieces now before diving into them so I don't get fooled again lol.

Thanks for sharing,
Poetry Misfit




MaybeAndrew says...


Thank you so much for the review! I'm glad you like the piece. This was half just a way to try out an idea I have for a novel... so I'm glad it interests you!
Anyway, thanks again!



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Fri Apr 22, 2022 6:34 pm
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Mate. This was actually really good???? A genuinely good and super creative story??? Bruv.




MaybeAndrew says...


Thank you so much! I had a lot of fun with it, XD. Its actually based on a world idea I have that I am considering for a novel. Anyway, thank you for reading it.



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Wed Apr 13, 2022 1:34 pm
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fantasies wrote a review...



OMG THAT ENDING LOL. 😭
besides the ending i liked this! it was quite sad…but sweet! the way the rickroll was intertwined into the story was well done. i feel bad for Adria, as she would be separated from her, what i guess, husband. but i can also relate in a way. some of the descriptions confused me, but some are also quite beautiful and dark. i hope James does not die, and they can be together again.
good job!




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Sat Apr 02, 2022 7:17 pm
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creaturefeature wrote a review...



hi andrew! i'll give you a review!

so uh THIS IS REALLY SOLID?? like i see where it's an april fools joke, but it's also just super good quality? the whole sun whale thing is actually a really interesting way to go with fantasy/science fiction, and i think you could totally just remove the rickroll and i wouldn't have even noticed a change. the lyrics strangely complement the work.

one thing i've noticed is that the descriptions are quite purple; there's a lot of poetic and otherwise very flowy imagery happening, and it kind of takes away from the storyline. the punchline, on the other hand, isn't really changed. i do think that if you did want to turn this story into something more, maybe lowering some of that description can help it become more readable? it would still be really really REALLY beautiful, anyway.

the Leviathans which the men threw themselves at like young lovers. But not to seduce, but to spear and kill. And unlike the petite lover, these beasts could grow as large as some of the cities of Earth.


like this is absolutely gorgeous, but i feel like some of the meaning is lost because of how the use of imagery dances around the actual action. i like the reference to leviathans, but the amount of times it is used to describe the beasts is making me feel like they are actual literal leviathans in the story. i don't think that is the case here. i also enjoy the usage of the whole lover description, and i'd totally say to keep all of that.

then the whole romance comes in, and i don't mind it. it's a little fast to the story, but i don't have any issues with it. the characters aren't exactly fleshed out, but with the amount of effort you put into the sun whales, i don't think it changes much.

She nodded, and he looked out at the ships, “I’ve left before. This time it’ll just be a little longer. We’re no strangers to love.”


honestly, i didn't even notice that this would lead into a rickroll?? like it just fits so perfectly with the romance aspect?? i have nothing bad to say about the ending, and honestly i have nothing bad to say about the story either. all i recommend is just to clean up some of the imagery and perhaps flesh out the characters if you want to continue this story without the april fools prank part. it is bittersweet and just gorgeous.

happy writing!
- chi




MaybeAndrew says...


Thank you so much for the review chi! I understand what you're saying about the too many descriptions thing, this was inspired by Moby Dick, the most descriptive heavy - nearly drowning in its own descriptions - book.
I'm glad you liked it though! The story is more than just an april fools joke, it comes from a fantasy/sci-fi book series I want to write about an urban fantasy but in the solar system.
Thanks again!



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Sat Apr 02, 2022 5:24 pm
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BeingRivy says...



Hi happy late April fools. This story is so fun and unique it made me cry into tears.




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Sat Apr 02, 2022 5:24 pm
BeingRivy says...



Hi happy late April fools. This story is so fun and unique it made me cry into tears.




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Sat Apr 02, 2022 2:44 am
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penngreen4776 wrote a review...



Hiya, I'm penn, and...

Dangit. Yeah, happy April to you too...

Still, I like the world building. Reminds me of Dune and other sci-fi stories I've read, where a popular resource has to be harvested from enormous creatures that are terrifying yet beautiful to behold. I think this might be the only one I've read where people need to slay gods in order to traverse space in the blink of an eye... Your descriptions of planets as enormous storms of gas and Ether that are capable of being gentle in the caress of the morning are gorgeous.

And yes, you put way too much good effort into this royal rickroll. Why? Because apparently this is how you get your sick kicks. But inside we both know what's been going on. We know the game and we're gonna play it. I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling. Gotta make you understand...

Four thumbs up! Don't ask where I got the extra thumbs.




MaybeAndrew says...


Thank you for the review! I agree it is kinda like dune, probably because dune was inspired by the same moby dick Esq legends and stories that inspire this story.




NO U
— Carina