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The Passing

by MapleWay

When I was little

I used to have a friend named Bingo

He was orange

With thick black stripes

And of course

A muzzle full of thin white whiskers

Though the rest of the world saw him as a stuffed animal

I saw him as much more

But as I got older

He began to fade away

I began to see him as the rest of the world did

And one day

He was gone

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67 Reviews

Points: 57
Reviews: 67

Sat Feb 27, 2021 2:18 am
LordMomo wrote a review...

Hello! I'm here with a quick review, as requested!

I liked this! It was very well written, and sad but sweet! Good job!

I used to have a friend named Bingo...

I think it sounds better if you said "called" instead of "named" here.

A nose full of thin white whiskers...

I think it sounds better if you said "muzzle" instead of "nose" here.

He was gone.

It looks better if you take out the period here. You don't use one in the rest of the poem, so it looks out of place here.

That's it! I really enjoyed reading this; keep writing!

MapleWay says...

Thanks! I'll change a couple of those!

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346 Reviews

Points: 31395
Reviews: 346

Sat Feb 20, 2021 10:18 pm
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starlitmind wrote a review...

HELLO THERE! I absolutely love the idea behind this poem, so I just had to leave a review! c:

This is such a bittersweet poem. I love the way this started out with so much love for a stuffed toy friend, and slowly he began to fade away. This poem portrays the bigger the picture of the innocence of childhood and imaginary friends, and then growing up. It's a really bittersweet process, and I think this poem really captures that feeling! c: So overall, I super enjoyed reading this and the emotions it gave me <3

I began to see him as the rest of the world did

This line is particularly haunting. It shows how the speaker grows up and sees things as they are, ordinary, like the rest of the world does, whereas once the speaker saw things as magical and mysterious and tangible. That's sad </3

I have a few suggestions for this poem! ^_^ But these are just suggestions, so if you don't agree, please feel free to ignore or disregard what I say! :)

The first thing I'd like to mention is imagery. I love how you describe the stuffed animal! The little details suggest that the speaker is very close with their imaginary friend to remember all of the little things at that time. I think something that would be awesome is if you were to expand on those descriptions, and make them ~fancy~ xD I'll give you some examples on how you could do this!!

He was orange

How about switching out the word "orange" for a more vivid and specific colour? I'll give you some examples and suggestions! c:

tangerine, marigold, cider, bronze, amber, honey, sandstone -> my favourites out of these are tangerine and marigold!

With thick black stripes

Something that you can use in poetry is figurative language (similes, metaphors, alliteration, etc.) So here, you could try to elevate this line using some figurative language, such as similes! For example, you could say something like "with thick black stripes cascading down his back like tiny rivers" -> I just made that off the top of my head, so take that example with a grain of salt cx but hopefully you get the gist! <3

He began to fade away

You could also use some figurative language here as well! Hm, an example off the top of my head: "he began to fade away just like how autumn bleeds into winter" ( notice how this simile deals with nature, just like my previous example, the rivers, dealt with nature. making your imagery cohesive is important, in my eyes! c: )

I hope these examples help you experiment with this poem! ^_^

The next thing I'd like to mention is a random thought I had.

You might be thinking

That doesn’t sound like a human

That’s because he wasn’t

He was a stuffed animal

I think that you telling the reader that the friend was indeed a stuffed animal takes away a bit of the magic of this poem. Like if you didn't mention it was a stuffed animal, the reader could think for their self instead of having it spelt out for them. It also makes it more mystical and magical. But once you tell the reader it's a stuffed animal, it's more direct and isn't as fun, if that makes sense! As you read through the poem, it becomes pretty clear that the friend is a stuffed animal, especially with your beginning descriptions and ending part. But even if it isn't that clear, it's okay for readers to have their own interpretation! So I would recommend not including this part to make the poem more thought-provoking and mystical. But again, this is just a suggestion, and you don't have to agree with me! ^_^

And that's all I got for you! Overall, I really enjoyed the theme of this poem. It's emotional and heartbreaking, and your last line, with the period at the end, really delivered a blow. I super enjoyed reading this, and I hope to read more from you soon! Hope this helped :)

MapleWay says...

Thanks for the review! I took some inspiration from your advice and changed it up a bit!

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33 Reviews

Points: 147
Reviews: 33

Sat Feb 20, 2021 5:10 pm
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rida says...

;-; so true

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8 Reviews

Points: 58
Reviews: 8

Sat Feb 20, 2021 2:43 pm
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nightshadows wrote a review...

Oh gosh as I think deeper into this it makes me want to cry ... but instead I will review ;)

Ok so even though this was a short story you struck the reader and made them feel the same way. Because hasn't everybody had a stuffed animal or imaginary friend as a kid? I know I did and reading this story makes me want to search through the cardboard boxes, find my stuffed animal, and never let it go. Your story will and does make a strong impact on the reader because when realization hits that they have done the same,

"I began to see him as the rest of the world did"

It is so true because hasn't anybody told their parents:

"but I am too old for this" because they think that they are, even when you might need that special object the most. Great job!! Can't wait to hear your next story!

MapleWay says...


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41 Reviews

Points: 14660
Reviews: 41

Sat Feb 20, 2021 1:43 pm
stygianmoon17 says...

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11 Reviews

Points: 659
Reviews: 11

Sat Feb 20, 2021 3:32 am
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Emivanz1 wrote a review...

oh wow this was incredible and totally relatable. I feel like we all had at least one "imaginary friend" growing up. This explains in perfect detail how a child feels while growing up. How you have something of your very own that no one can take away, that is until it is you yourself who pushes that thing away. I love how you explained bingo as if you were a child telling their mother all about him. It was charming and playful, and then it turned bittersweet. The end where you talk about bingo loosing his personality and eventually becoming just a stuffed animal was heartwarming in a kind of sad way. It is like when you have something special that you are sad to see go but you know that you will be better off seeing it leave. altogether this is a heartwarming poem that brought back many nostalgic childhood memories that i had completely forgotten about. So all i can say is thank you.

MapleWay says...

Your welcome! Thank you for the kind review!

Learn the rules like a pro, so you can break them like an artist.
— Pablo Picasso