Young Writers Society

Hello! I'm here with a quick review, as requested!

I liked this! It was very well written, and sad but sweet! Good job!

I used to have a friend named Bingo...

I think it sounds better if you said "called" instead of "named" here.

A nose full of thin white whiskers...

I think it sounds better if you said "muzzle" instead of "nose" here.

He was gone.

It looks better if you take out the period here. You don't use one in the rest of the poem, so it looks out of place here.

That's it! I really enjoyed reading this; keep writing!
Momo

HELLO THERE! I absolutely love the idea behind this poem, so I just had to leave a review! c:

This is such a bittersweet poem. I love the way this started out with so much love for a stuffed toy friend, and slowly he began to fade away. This poem portrays the bigger the picture of the innocence of childhood and imaginary friends, and then growing up. It's a really bittersweet process, and I think this poem really captures that feeling! c: So overall, I super enjoyed reading this and the emotions it gave me <3

I began to see him as the rest of the world did

This line is particularly haunting. It shows how the speaker grows up and sees things as they are, ordinary, like the rest of the world does, whereas once the speaker saw things as magical and mysterious and tangible. That's sad </3

I have a few suggestions for this poem! ^_^ But these are just suggestions, so if you don't agree, please feel free to ignore or disregard what I say! :)

The first thing I'd like to mention is imagery. I love how you describe the stuffed animal! The little details suggest that the speaker is very close with their imaginary friend to remember all of the little things at that time. I think something that would be awesome is if you were to expand on those descriptions, and make them ~fancy~ xD I'll give you some examples on how you could do this!!

He was orange

How about switching out the word "orange" for a more vivid and specific colour? I'll give you some examples and suggestions! c:

tangerine, marigold, cider, bronze, amber, honey, sandstone -> my favourites out of these are tangerine and marigold!

With thick black stripes

Something that you can use in poetry is figurative language (similes, metaphors, alliteration, etc.) So here, you could try to elevate this line using some figurative language, such as similes! For example, you could say something like "with thick black stripes cascading down his back like tiny rivers" -> I just made that off the top of my head, so take that example with a grain of salt cx but hopefully you get the gist! <3

He began to fade away

You could also use some figurative language here as well! Hm, an example off the top of my head: "he began to fade away just like how autumn bleeds into winter" ( notice how this simile deals with nature, just like my previous example, the rivers, dealt with nature. making your imagery cohesive is important, in my eyes! c: )

I hope these examples help you experiment with this poem! ^_^

The next thing I'd like to mention is a random thought I had.

You might be thinking

That doesn’t sound like a human

That’s because he wasn’t

He was a stuffed animal

I think that you telling the reader that the friend was indeed a stuffed animal takes away a bit of the magic of this poem. Like if you didn't mention it was a stuffed animal, the reader could think for their self instead of having it spelt out for them. It also makes it more mystical and magical. But once you tell the reader it's a stuffed animal, it's more direct and isn't as fun, if that makes sense! As you read through the poem, it becomes pretty clear that the friend is a stuffed animal, especially with your beginning descriptions and ending part. But even if it isn't that clear, it's okay for readers to have their own interpretation! So I would recommend not including this part to make the poem more thought-provoking and mystical. But again, this is just a suggestion, and you don't have to agree with me! ^_^

And that's all I got for you! Overall, I really enjoyed the theme of this poem. It's emotional and heartbreaking, and your last line, with the period at the end, really delivered a blow. I super enjoyed reading this, and I hope to read more from you soon! Hope this helped :)