I love the ink
the smell of it
the way it looks
how so little of it
can do so much.
I love the pages
crisp, and with
each turn i learn
something new
and exciting
I love the words
the way they
twist around in
my head and
let me fly far away
without ever going
away
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140,388 Literary Works • 673,147 Reviews
This is an intriguing poem. It tells me of the persona's love of reading yet wastes no time with fancy wording. I definitely love the way the poem is structured, with there being no more than four words in a line and the sentence continuing flawlessly for the rest of the stanza. Suggestions: Punctuation can help with expressing moods or emotions as a single comma could mean the difference between relief and sadness. Also complexity ( this is completely optional) can enhance your poem if used appropriately. Being generic is an amazing option of writing, it's just a matter of personal preference as I rather complexity.
All in all, amazing poem, I hope to see more works from you in the future.
Hey LucytheBrave!(I love your username!!) Cakerissa here!
One saying that this reminds me of is, "A reader lives a thousand lives before he dies." I liked how short it was. You said what needed to be said in a short, clear way. I don't think I saw any grammar mistakes, except capitalization and punctuation(which are both optional). I really enjoyed this poem and I hope you write more like it.
Keep writing!
Cakerissa
Hey, LucyTheBrave! clogs here to review on this fine Review Day!
Oooh, I do like this poem. Some suggestions:
Maybe try breaking this up into stanzas. I think that every times you start a new "I love...", you can start a new stanza. To do this in the YWS publisher, you can either add some sort of small punctuation between the stanzas (like ---) or hit "shift" with "enter" so they stay separated. I think it just might make this look a little more organized.
You have one uncapitalized "I", in this line:
I pointed that out so you can fix it if you want, but you can also try making all the "I"s lowercase! It's a perfectly acceptable style in poetry, and I think it might work well in this poem. There does need to be consistency though- either all of them capitalized or all of them lowercase.
You used "away" twice in this section. It's not really a huge problem, but in such a sparse poem as this one, it's a good idea to not repeat words any more than you need to. Maybe try "anywhere" or something for the last use of "away".
I think that the simplicity of this poem is definitely a strength, but the first section could use just a bit more description:
It's a little bit overly simple, to the point where it's generic. You don't have to add much to make it more vivid. For instance, in the second line, you could say something like "the [adjective] smell". It'll be more specific than just saying "the smell of it", and it'll still be simple. The same goes for "the way it looks". Just add a little something to describe the way it looks, to let the reader know why you love it.
This is the one other part where I feel like you could've used a better word. "Exciting" just doesn't seem to be a very suitable word for reading books, and it sounds a little cheesy. Maybe "enriching" or "thought-provoking" or something along those lines.
Other than those two little parts, I liked the imagery in this poem. It had a beautiful simplicity to it, and was very clean and well-done.
Normally, I would complain about the lack of punctuation, but I kind of like it in this poem. I think it fits. You do have one period at the end of the first section, and I think it might be good to keep that pattern up for the rest of the poem. Every time you end a stanza, a period will do, just to help you wrap up your thoughts. Of course, you can always remove all punctuation! I think this is a really good poem to play around with different styles of capitalization and punctuation.
Overall, I did really like this poem. Hope this review helped in some way, and keep up the great work!
'Ello, it's Cello here to review!
I really liked this work and I think all readers and writers can easily relate. I'm not good with complimenting so I'll move on to some of my editing suggestions now.
Let's start with this-
You had a really great poem and a really great flow but you lost quite a bit of the value of it with the way you chose to break the lines.
Every time the line breaks, the authors inner voice breaks too. If the inner voice breaks too much, the sound of the poem and the meaning within it is lost.
This is just an example of how you could change it as there are many good edits to make but I hope you see what I'm trying to get across. With fewer breaks, the thoughts and topics stay together. Bunch them, don't separate, and the work works much better.
I might also suggest putting breaks between each 'I love..."
Spoiler
It's a little tricky to get this look on YWS. I've done tons of poems on YWS and I still haven't been able to get the code to work. Try making a new line and filling it was ten spaces or so though (That's what works for me) I was just saying how you wanted less pauses but now I'm going to opposite. Sometimes pauses can be good. Making your poem into verses (giving it pauses) helps to organize the line of events or thoughts.
This is a very picky thing but you use 'away' twice very closely and the repetition doesn't sound especially great. Maybe try something like 'while staying in the same place' or 'without moving in the slightest'. It helps the flow.
Last note and a rather general one- Take a look at your punctuation. Try to keep it consistent. If you want to punctuate, then do it. If you want to avoid punctuation, then drop the commas and periods. The more you keep with a writing style, the more profession your work come across.
Keep up the good work!
-ChocolateCello