z

Young Writers Society



the Words

by LucytheBrave


I love the ink

the smell of it

the way it looks

how so little of it

can do so much.

          

I love the pages

crisp, and with

each turn i learn

something new 

and exciting

          

I love the words

the way they 

twist around in 

my head and 

let me fly far away

         

without ever going

away

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23 Reviews

Points: 281
Reviews: 23

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Tue May 15, 2018 2:12 pm
Jevan13 wrote a review...



This is an intriguing poem. It tells me of the persona's love of reading yet wastes no time with fancy wording. I definitely love the way the poem is structured, with there being no more than four words in a line and the sentence continuing flawlessly for the rest of the stanza. Suggestions: Punctuation can help with expressing moods or emotions as a single comma could mean the difference between relief and sadness. Also complexity ( this is completely optional) can enhance your poem if used appropriately. Being generic is an amazing option of writing, it's just a matter of personal preference as I rather complexity.

All in all, amazing poem, I hope to see more works from you in the future.




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43 Reviews

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Reviews: 43

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Sun May 01, 2016 12:37 am
Amabilia wrote a review...



Hey LucytheBrave!(I love your username!!) Cakerissa here!

One saying that this reminds me of is, "A reader lives a thousand lives before he dies." I liked how short it was. You said what needed to be said in a short, clear way. I don't think I saw any grammar mistakes, except capitalization and punctuation(which are both optional). I really enjoyed this poem and I hope you write more like it.

Keep writing!
Cakerissa




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274 Reviews

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Reviews: 274

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Sun May 01, 2016 12:17 am
cleverclogs wrote a review...



Hey, LucyTheBrave! clogs here to review on this fine Review Day!

Oooh, I do like this poem. Some suggestions:

Maybe try breaking this up into stanzas. I think that every times you start a new "I love...", you can start a new stanza. To do this in the YWS publisher, you can either add some sort of small punctuation between the stanzas (like ---) or hit "shift" with "enter" so they stay separated. I think it just might make this look a little more organized.

You have one uncapitalized "I", in this line:

each turn i learn


I pointed that out so you can fix it if you want, but you can also try making all the "I"s lowercase! It's a perfectly acceptable style in poetry, and I think it might work well in this poem. There does need to be consistency though- either all of them capitalized or all of them lowercase.

let me fly far away

without ever going

away


You used "away" twice in this section. It's not really a huge problem, but in such a sparse poem as this one, it's a good idea to not repeat words any more than you need to. Maybe try "anywhere" or something for the last use of "away".

I think that the simplicity of this poem is definitely a strength, but the first section could use just a bit more description:

I love the ink

the smell of it

the way it looks


It's a little bit overly simple, to the point where it's generic. You don't have to add much to make it more vivid. For instance, in the second line, you could say something like "the [adjective] smell". It'll be more specific than just saying "the smell of it", and it'll still be simple. The same goes for "the way it looks". Just add a little something to describe the way it looks, to let the reader know why you love it.

and exciting


This is the one other part where I feel like you could've used a better word. "Exciting" just doesn't seem to be a very suitable word for reading books, and it sounds a little cheesy. Maybe "enriching" or "thought-provoking" or something along those lines.

Other than those two little parts, I liked the imagery in this poem. It had a beautiful simplicity to it, and was very clean and well-done.

Normally, I would complain about the lack of punctuation, but I kind of like it in this poem. I think it fits. You do have one period at the end of the first section, and I think it might be good to keep that pattern up for the rest of the poem. Every time you end a stanza, a period will do, just to help you wrap up your thoughts. Of course, you can always remove all punctuation! I think this is a really good poem to play around with different styles of capitalization and punctuation.

Overall, I did really like this poem. Hope this review helped in some way, and keep up the great work! :D




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245 Reviews

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Reviews: 245

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Sun May 01, 2016 12:14 am
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ChocolateCello wrote a review...



'Ello, it's Cello here to review!

I really liked this work and I think all readers and writers can easily relate. I'm not good with complimenting so I'll move on to some of my editing suggestions now.

Let's start with this-
You had a really great poem and a really great flow but you lost quite a bit of the value of it with the way you chose to break the lines.

I love the pages

crisp, and with

each turn i learn

something new

and exciting

Every time the line breaks, the authors inner voice breaks too. If the inner voice breaks too much, the sound of the poem and the meaning within it is lost.
I love the pages

crisp, and with each turn i learn

something new and exciting

This is just an example of how you could change it as there are many good edits to make but I hope you see what I'm trying to get across. With fewer breaks, the thoughts and topics stay together. Bunch them, don't separate, and the work works much better.
I might also suggest putting breaks between each 'I love..."
Spoiler! :
Example:
I love the ink

the smell of it

the way it looks

how so little of it

can do so much.


I love the pages

crisp, and with...

It's a little tricky to get this look on YWS. I've done tons of poems on YWS and I still haven't been able to get the code to work. Try making a new line and filling it was ten spaces or so though (That's what works for me) I was just saying how you wanted less pauses but now I'm going to opposite. Sometimes pauses can be good. Making your poem into verses (giving it pauses) helps to organize the line of events or thoughts.

my head and

let me fly far away

without ever going

away

This is a very picky thing but you use 'away' twice very closely and the repetition doesn't sound especially great. Maybe try something like 'while staying in the same place' or 'without moving in the slightest'. It helps the flow.

Last note and a rather general one- Take a look at your punctuation. Try to keep it consistent. If you want to punctuate, then do it. If you want to avoid punctuation, then drop the commas and periods. The more you keep with a writing style, the more profession your work come across.

Keep up the good work!
-ChocolateCello





Love is friendship that has caught fire. It is quiet understanding, mutual confidence, sharing and forgiving. It is loyalty through good and bad times. It settles for less than perfection and makes allowances for human weaknesses.
— Ann Landers