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E - Everyone

Living

by LucytheBrave


I exist

This is undeniably true.

I exist

I think

I speak

I sing

I run

I laugh at nothing

I smile at everything

I hide from the truth

I entertain pleasant lies

I launch myself into countless endeavors, and watch each one fail

I make countless friends, and make countless enemies

I fall in love, and have my heart broken

over

and over

and over again

You may ask why

I do such.

I waste time

On such pointless actions

But to me

Existing

is nothing compared to 

Living.


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23 Reviews


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Reviews: 23

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Mon May 14, 2018 2:20 am
Jevan13 says...



This is so amazing! The emotions I feel pouring from each line is impressive. It's not a long poem neither does it have complicated sentences, but it carries such a deep meaning.




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Mon May 14, 2018 2:18 am
Jevan13 says...






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Sun Apr 03, 2016 11:35 pm
HavenBuzz wrote a review...



Hello fellow human!

Amazingly beautiful piece. I love how well crafted the words are and how well they flow into one another. I can really relate to the story and I felt like you could to.

I really like the beginning,

"I exist

This is undeniably true."

It really draws the reader in and holds their attention. I feel the beginning and the end to any writing piece is really the most important. I also love the ending,
"Existing

is nothing compared to

Living." it really makes you think, and it brings up the psychological question of what is living? What is the difference between existing and just living?

In other words, this is an amazing piece and I am happy you made it and I'm glad I read it.
*Keep Writing*
(also, I apologize for the other empty comment, I can't figure out how to delete it...)




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11 Reviews


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Sun Apr 03, 2016 11:34 pm
HavenBuzz says...






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75 Reviews


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Sun Apr 03, 2016 7:08 am
TZH wrote a review...



Ahaan brave !
Amazingly awesome piece. You've beautifully carved the words in your penning. And your starting is just great. I love it.
"I exist
This is undeniably true."
And another thing which I like is somewhere short , somewhere long lines and repetition but all flow so well.
Woooooooooowwwwwwww dear
Keep up the marvelous writing
Blessings !




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102 Reviews


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Sun Apr 03, 2016 4:46 am
katngo73 wrote a review...



Hello, sunshine!

This was such an entirely beautiful piece. I especially enjoyed the large range of vocabulary. Words are important, especially which type of words that you use!
I also loved the structure of the poem, as it added a lot to the pacing. Your use of short lines vs. long lines added a lot to the suspense that I felt.
"over
and over
and over again"
^^^ THAT WAS AWESOME! A lot of people use repetition without evaluating how it can affect the audience, and you used it wonderfully at that point.
The only issue I have is the line,
"You may ask why
I do such."
Possibly, it could have been, "You may ask why I do such things."
I feel like you left the sentence unfinished, even though such is a pronoun, there needs to be an object! It's just like saying, "I love," instead of "I love writing."
But, you might have written it like that due to adhering to the structure of your work, so that's cool!

Keep writing! I loved the main idea/concept of the piece. Existing is very different from actually living your life.




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Sun Apr 03, 2016 2:13 am
restlessheart14 wrote a review...



Hey, i really liked your poem! It is very well written and grabbed my attention right off the bat. You have this personal relationship with the reader i feel when you are writing this piece of work and it really helps with the overall effect of the poem. I love how you are also pretty blunt and brutally honest with facts that should just be accepted. Even though it is short i also felt that one could really understand the dilemma of the narrator which is a feat in itself! ~Great job and as always keep writing~




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Sun Apr 03, 2016 12:17 am
ofmonstersandmen1234 wrote a review...



I...Love...It. It is so true all of it. I'm currently just loathing how well this is written compared to how my book is written. You have a way of writing that makes it true and does this quite well. The truth of it all makes me happy that someone actually got this right. You have no idea how long I have waited for this. I think you did great. Just keep doing what you are doing and you'll be golden.




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Sun Apr 03, 2016 12:16 am
cleverclogs wrote a review...



Hey there, LucytheBrave! cleverclogs here representing Team Batman on this fine Review Day! Let's get all the technical stuff out of the way first, shall we?

First of all, this poem needs some more punctuation. Punctuation gives it character. Right now, my internal monologue is kind of reading this in a monotone. By adding punctuation, you can add more structure and flow to the poem, so it's not just a bunch of thoughts floating around.

Now, right now, it's kind of hard to punctuate naturally, since you have so many short lines. However, I don't really think the super short lines add much to the poem. They make it a little choppy. They also allow you to be kind of repetitive in your lines. I mean, without all those line breaks, you'd never get away with the first few lines. It'd look like this:

I exist I think I speak I sing I run


That's just dull to read, not to mention grammatically incorrect. And adding the line breaks doesn't help a whole lot. My recommendation is to rewrite some of the shorter lines to make them more interesting and less repetitive. Also, once you do that, you'll be able to punctuate it more normally. Here's a little guide from our very own YWS Knowledge Base to help you with that.

Poetry and Punctuation

Ok, now that the technical stuff is out of the way, I can move on to the content of the poem.

This poem doesn't really bring anything new to the table. Which is understandable, given that you've picked a very common topic. That's fine. I'm not saying that you need an entirely new idea or concept, but what you do need is a way to put your own spin on an old idea. Right now, I'm just not getting that. Maybe you can find a way to make this your own. Make it stand out from the zillion other poems about life.

Also, there's also a lack of any poetic language. So many of your lines are structured the same. "I do x". There are 12 lines in a row that start with "I". Do something to spice it up a bit. This will also bring more emotion to the reader. Telling us that you do something isn't emotional; showing us how you do it and showing us how you feel about it is.

The theme is undeniably true- there's definitely a difference between existing and living. I do like that, and I also like the last few lines where you tell us that. Right now, though, this poem just doesn't really have any soul. I'd love to see you find a way to bring this poem to life, because I think it could be really good.

Overall, this is a good start, but it's not quite there yet. I hope I was helpful in some way! Keep on writing! :D




LucytheBrave says...


Thank you!! That was really helpful. I entirely understand the punctuation thing, because I SUCK at grammatical stuffs. I just put this poem up to get some writing tips and improve it, and this really helped. Thanksies!!!



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Sun Apr 03, 2016 12:13 am
PusheenTheCat wrote a review...



This is a really good story but the good thing about this is that you are telling the truth.

For instance I have a good feeling about you and the feeling is that one day you will become

a really good writer and you wouldn't have to hear what people say but since your not at that

point yet in time I have some things to tell you.

First when you write you need to make sure you have a lot of things to go on with the story.

Like ever time you say something you need to maybe add a little more things to make it more

interesting.

Also you have a lot of good things that relate to life like when you stayed I waste time you

are telling about thins that us humans do in real life.

And one of the last things I say before I go is that you need to have more support to carries

on what you sated,and keep writing because you are very good at doing that.




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Sun Apr 03, 2016 12:05 am
RavenLord wrote a review...



Listening to a depressing song while reading this is not a good idea. I absolutely loved this poem and it makes me want to cry, though that may be because of the song. It is awesome and shows a great description of the difference between living and existing. I've pondered the difference many times and hadn't come to a conclusion until now. You hit the nail on the head, as they say. Great job!





What's stopping you?
— David Mamet