z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Pass the Summer By

by LucytheBrave


This year I will not sit around

I refuse to be lazy and cry

I will have a grand adventure

to pass the summer by

       

I want to swim it a turquoise lake

and lay on the golden sand

I wish that I could see the view 

from a mountain, above the land

       

I want to sit on my front porch step

and sip iced tea from a see-through glass

I want to hold my head high with pride

and walk with an air of class

           

This year will not be like every other year

I spend, forgotten and shy

This year I`ll live large and loud

to pass the summer by

          

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44 Reviews

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Fri Jul 08, 2016 6:28 am
EmmVeePi wrote a review...



Because you are Lucy the Brave I must review your work.

First paragraph is something I think most young people can relate to and I find no criticism in it.

The first line of the second stanza I am confused by, you might want to take a second look at that.

Last line of third paragraph should correct 'if' to 'of'(I think?).

Good conclusion!

Live!

Laugh!

Love!

Keep writing, a good poet you seem from this example.




LucytheBrave says...


Thank you! and yes, it`s supposed to be 'of' in that line.



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27 Reviews

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Fri Jul 08, 2016 5:38 am
vincentvinniealonso wrote a review...



Hello, LucytheBrave! (Fairy Tail fan, I see)! This is a wonderful Friday evening, isn't it? Seems like you could use a good ol' friendly review from your pal vva! Let's get started!

Usually, I start off with the negatives and then move into the positives, but this is a considerably short poem, so I think I'll just run through it and review like that. Sound good?

This year I will not sit around

I refuse to be lazy and cry

I will have a grand adventure

to pass the summer by


Alright. This isn't a bad introduction, it's not even a weak or mediocre one, I just feel as though it's lacking a certain hit to really capture your reader's attention. It feels like you're more focused on getting to parts of the poem you feel a bit more strongly or passionate about and you just wanted to get this part over with. (But feel free to correct me if I'm wrong).

The second line also sounds a bit... awkward. The words 'lazy' and 'cry' feel a bit out of place in context to each other and though I totally understand what it was that you were trying to get across, I feel as though the world choice was a bit weak.

I want to swim it a turquoise lake

and lay on the golden sand

I wish that I could see the view

from a mountain, above the land


I absolutely love the imagery in this line. It feels very real and vivid to me and it obviously had thought put into it which I really appreciate. I like the way you describe the images. The golden sand and the turquoise lake and what have you. These are very euphoric and peaceful portraits that you've painted here with your words. Congratulations!

I want to sit on my front porch step

and sip iced tea from a see-through glass

I want to hold my head high with pride

and walk with an air if class]


Again, way to create a peaceful and relaxing image here! I am, however, a bit concerned about that last line. I'm not really quite sure what it means and it feels a bit confusing and arbitrary in context to the rest of the poem. I wouldn't mind an explanation as it seems a bit out of place.

This year will not be like every other year

I spend, forgotten and shy

This year I`ll live large and loud

to pass the summer by


I really love your first three lines in this stanza. They give me a real sense of inspiration. When I read them, I feel like going out and doing something to change the world, you know? I just feel moved by it. My only note is that I feel as though the point you were trying to get across would have been a lot more powerful. If it were relating to the year as a whole, rather than just the summer, it would have really given your piece that hit. But that's just what I would've done.

Overall, this is a really beautiful piece. Don't stop writing and keep the great poems comin'!




LucytheBrave says...


Thank you so much!
To answer your question, the contrast from the second and third stanzas is supposed to show somewhere you go and something you do when you stay at home. Also, 'lazy and cry' is there because it`s hard to think of something that rhymes with 'by'



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Thu Jul 07, 2016 4:26 pm
horseswrite wrote a review...



This is a really good poem! I like how you describe the things you want to do and accomplish this summer! I do have a few suggestions though. First off, i would like to say that, in the 1st stanza, why would you cry during summer? It would be nice if you explained your previous summers a bit so us readers can relate more. Also, it would nice if you would use some literary devices. Maybe some similes or metaphors, comparing your old summer to the new one? That would also make it more understandable. One more extra little thing, when you say in the 3rd stanza, "and walk with an air if class," do you mean, "and walk with an air of class?" That would make more sense. Great job though! I love your writing and your description and your rhythm and flow! I can't wait to see more of your writing in the future and keep up the good work!




LucytheBrave says...


Thank you! I think I`ll edit this one, it needs some work




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It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.
— Mark Twain