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All the things I've never said

by LucytheBrave


My mother say's I talk to much

And maybe she's right

I always run my mouth

Say thing's I shouldn't 

When I shouldn't 

Where I shouldn't

Because I talk too much

But she wouldn't think that

If she knew 

All the things I've never said

Things like telling my sister

That she's beautiful, though

she'll never believe me

Things like telling my father, 

he's my inspiration, even though

I never listen

Things like telling my mother

She's never done anything wrong

And she raised my perfectly

Things like telling my best friend

That he's not just a delinquent

And not an idiot

And he can be so much more than that

Things like telling the girl

who thinks she's nothing

that she's so amazing and so loved

And that I love her

And all these words, all these things

that I'll never say to anyone

But maybe 

Just maybe 

I have been saying these things

all along, 

and maybe

they just never heard.


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27 Reviews

Points: 716
Reviews: 27

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Mon Apr 17, 2017 9:52 pm
Panda11 wrote a review...



I relate to this very much, and i think it is a beautiful piece of art. One thing is that your flow was a tad choppy here and there, such as...

"Things like telling my best friend

That he's not just a delinquent

And not an idiot

And he can be so much more than that"

And while we are on this particular section, you might consider looking up synonyms for common words or phrases. Like for "best friend" you could put "dearest friend" or "dear friend" and things of the like.


One other note is better separation of the stanzas. Separating the stanzas more clearly can also help with the flow of your poem, so its win win :3

Exaple


"Awesome cool poem

write write

doodle doodle doop

~ (< This thing right here that i can't remember the name of)

Write writey write

bla bla

doop doop"

Or you can just do an extra space to create some separation between the stanzas. But really that is a stylistic thing, so it is ultimately unimportant.


I hope i was at least a little helpful!

Wonderful poem, i hope to see more.

~Ayma




LucytheBrave says...


Thank you! This is so helpful. I think I might go back and add spaces, actually. So thanks!



Panda11 says...


You welcome <3 <3



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7 Reviews

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Mon Apr 17, 2017 7:58 pm
Kimmycat says...



Hey LucyTheBrave,
I like this poem. I like the repeated "things like telling..."
And I really like the ending.
I think your flow is off,
just a little,
maybe you could go back and fix that.
I think this is good otherwise and you should keep writing.
I disagree with Issam, Poetry should have no grammar rules. My 6th grade reading teacher taught us that. (sorry Issam)

Keep Writing,
@Kimmycat




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7 Reviews

Points: 424
Reviews: 7

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Mon Apr 17, 2017 7:57 pm
Kimmycat wrote a review...



Hey LucyTheBrave,
I like this poem. I like the repeated "things like telling..."
And I really like the ending.
I think your flow is off,
just a little,
maybe you could go back and fix that.
I think this is good otherwise and you should keep writing.
I disagree with Issam, Poetry should have no grammar rules. My 6th grade reading teacher taught us that. (sorry Issam)

Keep Writing,
@Kimmycat




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Mon Apr 17, 2017 6:43 pm
issam says...



So, not to be a grammar nazi, but there are loads of errors in here. Grammar and vocabulary are the bread of writing, keep that in mind. And I'd say read more of other poets' work. For free verse, go for Agha Shahid Ali. Google him, and you'll feel me. And remember, short lines don't mean deep poetry.




LucytheBrave says...


Thanks! I'm actually terrible at grammar, and this wasn't meant to be deep. Actually, I tried to make it really blatant and forward. The lines are short because my thoughts are short. So...hi? I dunno. yeah.



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Mon Apr 17, 2017 6:43 pm
issam says...



List of feelings evoked:
1-





I lingered round them, under that benign sky: watched the moths fluttering among the heath and harebells, listened to the soft wind breathing through the grass, and wondered how any one could ever imagine unquiet slumbers for the sleepers in that quiet earth.
— Emily Bronte, Wuthering Heights