• Home

Young Writers Society

E - Everyone

Something`s Wrong

by LucytheBrave

My mom is never


and my pa doesn`t

like that.

My sister`s in her room, 

and it smells like 

something bad, and

My grandpa doesn`t 

recognize me.

My familys not quite 

what they show in


We don`t always eat 


Or laugh or talk at 


And my face doesn`t


Like it used to 


But the little girl who

sits next to me 

in class, rarely ever 


So though I know 

Something`s wrong, 



Is this a review?



User avatar
23 Reviews

Points: 281
Reviews: 23

Wed May 16, 2018 1:12 am
Jevan13 wrote a review...

I am in agreement with Vellichor as this poem effectively conveys its message with no need for more wording. I like the use of the imagery, that was vivid. The mention of family nearly always makes a poem more powerful as it suggests that the poem is personal. I hope you are doing better now and that your heart is as free as that of the girl sitting beside you.


User avatar
42 Reviews

Points: 2989
Reviews: 42

Sun Jun 26, 2016 5:21 am
View Likes
Vellichor wrote a review...

Aeyo, Chilow here for the review. Let's do this :D

I almost don't want to review this because I think a simple like would suffice, and I'm not sure I will be able to say much that will help to improve the poem anyways. As I'm sure you've heard, it's not wise to meddle with perfection xD

But I will anyways! Honestly, poetry such as this, melancholy as it were, is not in the demand that it should be. Though I cannot ever say this at the time of experience, melancholy is both one of my favorite words and emotions. I believe that this poem truly captures the foundation of "melancholy," starting on a sad note, but ever so slowly building until the reader can be left with that smidgeon of hope, just enough to keep going and look forwards to the next day.

On to more personal things- I am sorry for the inspiration for this poem, and all I can say is that you're on the right track. There is always hope, and there is always a reason to keep going. I have been in similar states of mind where nothing seems to be going my way, and nothing seems to be right. You seem to acknowledge this with the end of the poem,

"So though I know

Something`s wrong,




^ ^ ^ and I'm glad of that. Keep up the fantastic work, and know that I'll be looking out for your pieces in the future :) Cheers!

User avatar
60 Reviews

Points: 87
Reviews: 60

Fri Jun 24, 2016 2:50 am
Spartan118 wrote a review...

This is Spartan here giving you an amazing review so plz endure it.
First off the title goes so great with the poem and makes you curious. The poem was kinda depressing and I am sorry about your family. I felt so sad after reading your poem that I am about to cry and it makes me depressed. I loved this poem tho and its a really good poem.
I hope you are ok with your family like that cause I know I wouldn't be ok with my family like that. If you ever need someone to talk to cause I am always here for someone in need.
I hope you have a wonder evening, day, morning, or night depending on where you live.

User avatar
11 Reviews

Points: 275
Reviews: 11

Mon Jun 13, 2016 8:50 pm
View Likes
AmandaMarcus wrote a review...

This poem literally describes my life, and I must agree that I have seen proof that things will get better and I will have to keep going to reach that point. This was a brilliant way to bring to light just how possible it is for people to get better. I'm not quite there yet, but I hope you're closer to being alright than I am. This poem is really touching and inspirational, so I hope you continue to write. As much as you see your family as not normal, your family isn't the only one and there will always be someone who could relate. Keep writing, it's a great way to express yourself and your good at touching others through brilliant writing.

You don't need to follow me! You don't need to follow anybody! You got to think for yourselves!
— Brian Cohen