Start staking out your claim, player for the human race. Our influence is rivaled by one.
The only other major player is chaos. The god some lament as mother nature.
Killing off creatures we will never know, its a wager. A wager that we wont bestow forgiveness on inferiors.
We learned to love one another, got far enough to endow rights and freedoms.
You may halt the universes pererations for this bloodsport. A game thats played with hypotheticals, blood spent, no disdain.
Chose your world, is it here? is it now? Or is it a floating palace in the clouds.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,016 Literary Works • 672,851 Reviews
You have a really solid poem going here. I think the rhythm is great; you have great flow so that it is a smooth read. I really just liked everything about this piece!
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I really love the message of this poem, if the message I got is the right one, or if I'm just totally mistaken. Are you kind of slamming society a bit? Claiming that it's not all it's cracked up to be, and the influence of the top tier of the hierarchy is what truly prevails? I may have gotten it all wrong, but if this is the message, I like it!
I think that each stanza you have (if each separate line-thing is indeed a stanza of it's own?) is very well placed. They each have their own idea and message, and I think that separating them instead of making this poem just one big stanza was a really smart idea; it just makes the individual implications that much more prominent
One question I have, however, involves the third stanza. You talk about killing creatures we will never know, I'm just a bit confused by this. Are you saying that society is potentially preventing the establishment of new species that don't yet exist? Because that's what I assumed, but I was just wondering if that was a correct assumption!
I honestly loved this piece. I think it's really solid and you have something great here. Keep up the amazing writing! I'd love to see more of your work!
Thank you for your input. That line about the annhilation of species may be a bit more trivial than you expected. I was just contemplating how many species are discovered annually and assuming that just as many were lost forever to our records.
Hey there! I'm Sister. I love your poem. In the box, I've fixed most grammatical errors I could find. Although it's not much, I hope it helps:
Hello, rhia here to review this poem for you today, as it has no reviews to speak of.
I'll just talk about what I like and dislike as I go through and read, this time.
Alright, the end of the first line and the transition into the second is quite choppy with its stops. You could give it a much nicer flow if it moved a bit more smoothly into the next line, maybe by wording it like
"Our influence is rivaled by one; Chaos, the only other major player."
That way, the first sentence sets the stage, leaves you hanging, then you give the answer, then you apply the answer. It's nice and linear.
I think that, here, it would be a bit nicer if you either put a comma after "god", or an "is" after "god".
*it's
*won't
*Perorations is the proper spelling. But I love the use of this word!
*that's
The second "is" should be capitalized, and the last clause should end in a question mark too, since it is phrased as a question.
I think that the point of this poem was clearer then some of your others have been, and it was also clearer speech, easier to read, and a bit more conventionally poetic sounding. I liked it, though I think at times the wording was a bit stiff and could be better.
Yeah I had the feeling it could use a good livening up. This was one of my earlier poems and I seemed to have a lesser idea of what a poem was at that point. Thanks for your time!