The root hugs the stem, and the stem is the substance, this head of lettuce, beautiful because it brings sustenance.
Or this head of hair shiny and sleek, beautiful in its redundancy, because it gives nothing but pensive curiosity,its something I seek.
Or the eyes, the windows, that lie over the phone, but pretty, as always, and shining with the light from my own, Im like a dog without a bone.
And so in its absence, I will go after your mouth, drawn up unlike a bow, but sealed, slender and charmingly uncouth. So rugged, so spiteful, but she has a Bright "soul", so graceful, not hateful, but your legs she will pull.
Her nose isnt cut but carefully chiseled, my mind child, my mirage, my kindred soul, my brains fizzled. Non-existant is this girl, a set of traits, not thoughts, not change, a lecter of my pains. Guiding me as if Ive sinned and must be taught.
Have I treated reality with too much disdain. The veins course red, but Ive never been in over my head, this is a rush I havent met, without a marionette. In my mind, a puppet, fantastic because I stuffed itMyself, I chose the inward reflection, made out of introspection. I set myself up to win, and still this victory stays within.
That most important ingredient, an afterthought, that solution so expedient, a machiavellian retort. Finally, a report. My head holds something precious Id hate to export.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,016 Literary Works • 672,851 Reviews
Methrirr with your review
Well, first off, it is my hope that it didn't turn out like this on purpose. It makes it awkward to read as poetry, and makes it look like a big ugly run on. When you write in stanzas, as I can see you have, you should write in separate lines. Like, hit enter every time you have a comma in this poem.
Other than that, I loved this piece. I could only find one error grammatically, and that was:
There should be a question mark here.
Reading the words, I love this poem. It is deep, it has beautiful language, and despite its awkward formatting, flows rather well.
keep writing
methrirr
I enjoyed reading this. I noticed how you began and closed your writing with a nature comparision. You forgot to space at least three times towards the end. And don't forget the ' in I'm, I'd and I've. You also capitolized "myself" in the sixth phrase. I don't usually grammar nazi but basic things should be done. The stazas in comparision to the last and first dont really make much sense theme wise. Going between technology of the phone to a mirage and a puppet dont flow very well.