Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.
Like any plebeian would, I stole a glance at her ass as she walked by. It read:
Did you know that the human body is 80% water?
Kinky, I thought.
Then she turned around and said:
Unable to comprehend what she said, I walked away and never looked back.
(50 words.)
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,740 Reviews
Hey @outvaders!
Hey, this took me a couple of reads but once I got it, combined with the title, I absolutely adored it!
It's very powerful as a work of flash fiction, it's such a silly little vignette and in it you manage to pack a punch, and an unusual one at that.
I have to say I did struggle a bit as soon as I saw the calculus - it's been six years now since I've even looked at calculus and I can't remember how to do it. Which shames me a bit. Anyway so I guess I can't be checking your solution there
Anyway, whoops, I started this having only seen Lava's comment and thinking you didn't have any reviews, but you did. Honestly, there's not too much to critique.
My only problem is maybe with the use of the word "plebeian" - you're already taking a dig with the piece in general, and it seems kind of... unkind to be calling someone a plebeian as well - it comes from a place of superiority. It just seems an odd word for the speaker to use to describe themselves, and seems to come from the author and I feel like it does you a disservice.
Other than that I don't have any complaints. Nice job
-Stella x
Just wanted to say, this resonates!
I do like the small-short-ness of it, but would also love to know if you ever wanted to expand it/have one written down.
Hi there, outvaders! Niteowl here to review this piece.
Overall, I'm pretty sure this is a dig at certain websites that popularize "science" and those that claim to love it without actually doing the work of science (and since I was a Ph.D. candidate in geosciences, I would know it's a lot of work, haha). It starts out with a simple, easily digestible fact that those who "[freaking] love science" can enjoy. Then this other character spits out a lovely differential equation (which I admit goes right over my head since it's been years since I've had to work with them), causing the main character to walk away. This suggests that he wants "science" that is easy to understand/sensationalize, but isn't willing to do the actual work that science requires.
I guess my main critique is that it's a little bare bones. You could add to the atmosphere and the humor with a little more description about the character and the setting.
That said, this is good for how short it is and makes a solid point. Keep writing!
This one's actually inspired by a Cyanide and Happiness comic made by Kris Wilson. I think I memorized its script at this point. "You don't love science. You're just looking at its ass when it walks by."
Look for it, it's a lovely webcomic that deviates from the usual adult jokes and takes a jab at some more serious things.
Anyways, thanks for the review!
Hi. it's QofS.
I clicked on this because it said "I love science" . Yes, I love science, too. I suck at math, though. Lol, I LOVED THIS. I WAS LITERALLY LAUGHING OUT LOUD!! AWESOME JOB! Last semester I took a Western Civilization class, so, I understand about the plebeians. I get the joke, although mabey not all of it. All in all, your peice was so funny, and, because I understand the history, it made it even funnier. Great job.
Hey there! Alright, I'm not sure if I'll be able to deliver the review you'd like, as the piece is rather short, but here's the few notes I've taken. Hope they'll help to some degree!
From previous works I've read, I would put the word "Kinky" in quotation marks, just as I just did! I guess it could work the way you have it as well, I've read books which really have it go both ways.
Alright, I gotta ask honestly, what does it mean? Never was the best at math - probably why I call myself a writer.
Aside from that, I guess that's it! I don't really know what more to say. I did get a laugh out of this though, it just had a humorous tone!
That I suck at maths?
A little challenge for the reviewers: Try and find out the message I'm trying to get across through this flashfic.