As he put down a copy of Fast Food Fiction: I will become the master of flash fiction.
As he put down a copy of Edgar Allan Poe's works: I will become the master of poetry.
As he put down a copy of Paper Towns: I will become the master of novels.
As the pen, shouldering his hopes, dreams, and aspirations, hovered limply over the blank notebook: silence.
(68 words)
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139,858 Literary Works • 672,777 Reviews
All right, here I am, typing on my phone. Review might be low in quality.
First, I love the word play/irony you use in the title. Usually, the phrase is 'extra black', but when Black is switched with Blanc, the interpretation changes to both ways. First, the contrast of Blanc (a French surname that means White, something I look up in the Internet) with Black, and the literal meaning that you get once you pronounce it as Blank.
I have two concerns about this flash fiction. First, the amount of scenarios in it cannot be contained within a 68-words story. Rather than focusing on flash fiction, poetry, and novel all at the same time, the message can be better felt when you focus on one type of writing and expands it. I would love it if you focus on flash fiction: why the MC likes it, his inspirations who wrote it, and how it relates to his character and life. All of these aspects you can expand to make the story more meaningful and pack a harder punch into the ending.
The second concern is repetition. It dominates the story, thus providing little variety to it. Rather than delivering the same message through the same structure, why not change the structure? Play with it, so it grabs reader's attention. It'll be unpredictable and surprising to him, all those delicious ingredients to make him keep writing. This suggestion is also applicable to the second part of the first three paragraphs. The monologue is better italicized to avoid reader's confusion, but this is nothing major.
I get Paper Towns, I get Poe, but I don't get Fast Food Fiction (unless you're telling me it's not based on real life, but is rather a term for flash fiction, which would be an accurate and humorous comparison xD). Overall, this ff has context as important as your others', but its execution is a little weaker. I enjoy reading this, so good job. '^'b
All right, here I am, typing on my phone. Comment might be low on quality.
Some fun facts:
Fast Food Fiction was the predecessor of Fast Food Fiction Delivery, the book that got me into flash fiction. Edited and complied by Noelle Q. de Jesus, it's a short short story anthlogy, containing 800-word-and-less works from Filipino writers like Jose Dalisay Jr. It's also 2003 material, so it's pretty old.
Main meat:
Thanks for the review though. It's a little reminder that I can't simply pull flash fiction out of my head.
Thanks for the tips on expanding the story and variation. I could be a little more aware of variation in my writing.
I had another plan for the structure doe. I made sure they repeat the first three times, so that the difference in the end is most noticeable. It also establishes how fired up the guy was in the beginning.
But really, thanks for dropping by. Enjoyed reading this review too.
All right, here I am, typing on my phone. Comment might be low on quality.
Some fun facts:
Fast Food Fiction was the predecessor of Fast Food Fiction Delivery, the book that got me into flash fiction. Edited and complied by Noelle Q. de Jesus, it's a short short story anthlogy, containing 800-word-and-less works from Filipino writers like Jose Dalisay Jr. It's also 2003 material, so it's pretty old.
Main meat:
Thanks for the review though. It's a little reminder that I can't simply pull flash fiction out of my head.
Thanks for the tips on expanding the story and variation. I could be a little more aware of variation in my writing.
I had another plan for the structure doe. I made sure they repeat the first three times, so that the difference in the end is most noticeable. It also establishes how fired up the guy was in the beginning.
But really, thanks for dropping by. Enjoyed reading this review too.
it's that glitch again aaaaaaah
it's that glitch again aaaaaaah
Lel it's okay, still luv u. <3 xD
Hello there! Luata here for another review! I think I've reviewed you before, so you should know how this goes. My apologies if I stop making sense, my brain has been having some trouble keeping up with me (or rather, I've been having some trouble keeping up with my brain). Take my suggestions, contest them, or ignore them as you see fit, they are only suggestions, as I am no expert. Again, feel free to drop me a comment or PM me if something I write doesn't exactly make sense.
Overall
Overall, I enjoyed this piece. When I had first skimmed it, the shortness of it struck me as a bit odd, but while reading, I found that despite the shortness of it, I enjoyed it. Your ending was very good, not what I expected at all. Meaning, because of the shortness of the piece, I expected a really abrupt ending, but I think that you wrapped it up very nicely.
Grammar
I have to disagree with mckeownm. I think that the sentences were composed very nicely to deliver the maximum punch for such a short work. I couldn't really find any other grammar mistakes, and I don't have any edits for you.
Again, very nice piece. Very original and unique!
I look forward to reviewing your future works.
~Luata
Hi!
I love love loooove your last sentence. It's really powerful and yet left to interpretation which I think is a masterful skill as a writer. Actually, I just love your entire piece. It conveys a really relatable feeling, dreaming and ultimately failing (if this is not what you're trying to achieve I apologise). I'm not one hundred percent sure about grammar but the structure of your first three sentences seems a bit clunky, I would consider looking at that again.
Overall a really strong piece!
Best wishes!!
Actually, I didn't think about interpretation when I wrote this lol. But really, I'm happy that you found this piece to be strong and relatable. Thanks for the review!