March 1, 2017
An excerpt from the sermon of Fr. Al Domingo on pride, false piety, hypocrisy, and most of all, God’s loving mercy.
A first doctor was called by a pious government official who was gravely ill.
"Sir, I regret to inform you of this, but you only have three weeks left to live if this disease isn't treated," said the first doctor.
"What do you advise I do, doctor?" asked the pious government official.
"I advise you drink eight glasses of water a day and stay hydrated," replied the first doctor.
"Are you really suggesting that I drink eight glasses of water a day and stay hydrated!?" bellowed the pious government official. "And here I thought you would do me the great wonders of modern medicine! No matter! My God will provide me with everything I need! He Himself will lead me to lush green meadows and pools of clean water, for I am one of His righteous children!"
And so the pious government official drove away the first doctor.
After that, a second doctor was called by the same government official who was gravely ill.
"Sir, I regret to inform you of this, but you only have two weeks left to live if this disease isn't treated," said the second doctor.
"What do you advise I do, doctor?" asked the pious government official.
"I advise you maintain a healthy diet and avoid unhealthy foods," replied the second doctor.
"Are you really suggesting that I maintain a healthy diet and avoid unhealthy foods!?" bellowed the pious government official. "And here I thought you would do me the great wonders of modern medicine! No matter! God Himself will appear to me, put His holy hands over me and bless me and restore me to my former health no matter what, for I am one of His righteous children!"
And so the pious government official drove away the second doctor.
After that, a third doctor was called by the same pious government official who was gravely ill.
"Sir, I regret to inform you of this, but you only have one week left to live if this disease isn't treated," said the third doctor.
"What do you advise I do, doctor?" wheezed the pious government official.
"I advise you spend more time with your loved ones," replied the third doctor.
"Spend more time with your loved ones! Are you implying that I would pass away!?" screamed the pious government official. "Blasphemy! God damn all you blasphemers! May God all send you to burn and rot in hell! Hark now, all you unfaithful! I prophesy, and I prophesy this in the name of the Father and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit: God Himself will come to me, and He will anoint me with His holy oil! At that moment, all evil, sinfulness, and ills will be cast away, for I, and I alone, am God's righteous child!"
And so the pious government official drove away the last doctor.
Long after all of this had been said and done, a Priest was finally called into the residence of the same pious government official who was gravely ill.
"In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, amen," chanted the Priest.
And thus began the anointing of the sick.
The pious government official fell silent as the Priest laid His hands upon him, for he had been weakened greatly. Just as he had prophesied in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, he had indeed been anointed by God's holy oil before he—evils, sinfulness, ills and all—had been cast away from his former life.
(618 words.)
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125,025 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
I really like the way it's structured. It has this kind of 'moral tale' (I'm sure there's an actual word for that) feeling to it.
To be honest, I half expected you to make him beg for help by the end, realising his foolishness in not doing as advised. But it seems as though he may have got what he wanted? I'm not sure. I was a bit confused at the end, when you wrote:
"The pious government official fell silent as the Priest laid His hands upon him, for he had been weakened greatly. Just as he had prophesied in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, he had indeed been anointed by God's holy oil before he—evils, sinfulness, ills and all—had been cast away from his former life."
I wasn't entirely certain what that's supposed to mean. This could just be because I don't know an awful amount about religion, so perhaps I'm not grasping the hidden meaning within it.
Overall, a nice short with very pleasing pacing. I enjoyed the tone, even if I didn't fully understand it in the end.
Hello it's Red,
I always like a story about good ol' religion and how it sometimes can be someone's downfall.
What I appreciated the most was the structure of the story and plot. It's simple, well paced, and feels authentic.
However, you needed to be more clear on the governor's intentions. I was confused about when you said in the beginning it was about "False piety", "hypocrisy" and "god's loving mercy". I understand the pride and him believe he is a child of god. Was there false piety and hypocrisy because he called for doctors and excepted them to give to him a panacea, but this cure all wasn't something for God, so that made it false piety? I'm not sure where hypocrisy even plays into all this. The governor doesn't necessary encourage great moral value while acting controversially, but then again would the governor arguing that God will treat him, and then going back to hire another doctor, the hypocrisy?
Then finally would "God's mercy" be killing of the governor? If it is, make it more clear it was out of mercy and less than a lesson he needed to learn.
On an other note, I really liked this paragraph:
"The pious government official fell silent as the Priest laid His hands upon him, for he had been weakened greatly. Just as he had prophesied in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, he had indeed been anointed by God's holy oil before he—evils, sinfulness, ills and all—had been cast away from his former life."
However, this is well written and gives the tone of story, it doesn't match what the doctors say above: "hydrated" and "eat unhealthy foods". I know their doctors, so they might speak differently, but the paragraph above shows me that it is during an earlier time period, so the language should be more consistent.
" "Are you really suggesting that I drink eight glasses of water a day and stay hydrated!?" "
I would include only, perhaps clearifying the advice isn't enough.
"healthy diet and avoid unhealthy foods"
Healthy is repetitious here.
Finally when the governor said, "no matter what", you could cut that out. It's not bad, but it doesn't add to the sentence.
Okay, overall great story. Keep writing.
—Redbox275
Since this is an excerpt from a sermon, it would defeat the purpose if I didn't explain it here and now.
The hypocrisy part lies in how the official as well as the story treats himself as pious. Even though he regards himself like so, it was only until his dying hour when he finally called a priest. That's the hypocrisy in it.
Now that I think about it, the false piety part kinda overlaps with the hypocrisy.
God's mercy in this part is anointing the official before he passes away. The Anointing of the Sick is a sacrament that is administered to people in their time of sickness in order that they may strengthened through God's presence. Although the official did die, he was with God through the sacrament until his last hours.
His calling of the priest for the anointing is also a sign that the official had realized what he had done wrong and that he had tried to repent for that.
I don't know if you caught on to this, but I tried to imply that there was afterlife through the word "former." It's alright if you didn't catch it doe.
No matter how sinful one is, he can always receive the healing of God so long as we seek His forgiveness.
Anyways, I hope this clarified your questions nicely. Also, I'm glad that you genuinely enjoyed this story. Thanks for your review have a nice day!
Hello there, vaders. I hope you're doing good today. I know I am. : )
This was a very interesting story and I thoroughly enjoyed it. These kind of fables or allegories or whatever you wish to call them have always sort of seized my attention, that's why I was sure to read it. This ignorant government official and the honest doctors... oh, it was just beautiful! You revealed this official's personality without one description, simply all from the dialogue! Brilliant! I especially liked your repetition of this man's declaration that HE was God's righteous child. And he would be healed, hallelujah. Isn't it fascinating how blind people can be sometimes?
But, anyway, enough of my gushing. Lets get down to the nitty-gritty. (I don't even know what that means, my dad just says it ALL the time). There really isn't that much to say because this was all amazingly excellent but I'll say a couple things. I didn't like how you started this, and when I say "started this" I really mean it! As in the very first word caught my eye. You say: A first doctor was called by a pious government official who was gravely ill. This really isn't much of a big deal here but I thought the wording a little awkward. I know that he was A doctor as one of the three doctors but perhaps a better article could be used in play here instead. For example, "The".
Then, you end with this: Just as he had prophesied in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, he had indeed been anointed by God's holy oil before he—evils, sinfulness, ills and all—had been cast away from his former life.
I had to re-read this a few times to make sure I fully understand. And even then, I'm still not completely confident I know what's going on. The man is dying, right? He was being anointed by the priest just as he had said. But your wording here - I'm hesitant about. You say "cast away from his former life" as if someone is tossing him into eternity. Maybe its just me... something didn't sound quite right there. I would think it would be more along the context of taken away, not throwing something forcefully as "cast" implies. Anyway, that was my big fat issue with that.
And yep, that's all I have to say for today. As you can see, my main problem was with the wording of things; the story itself was remarkable I thought. I'll be on my way now and leave you with one last word: Keep up your writing skills, girl!
TheKid
Oh, there's a double meaning when I said "cast away." Try making the connections with the other parts of the story.
*
Thanks for your review though, really appreciate it. At the same time, I'm glad that you enjoyed my story. Have a good day!
*oh and also I'm not a girl
oh my gosh, I am SO SORRY :O Please uh, excuse me...
it's no problem, I don't mind it too much lol