So, I haven't written in a long time and I know this is awful. I'm just glad to get these emotions out of my system, because I've had all of this bottled up for a long time, not being able to write. Any critique is welcome, especially on my punctuation because I'm pretty unsure about it.
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140,135 Literary Works • 673,032 Reviews
Hi, I'm K and hopefully this review will be helpful!
Let me just say, I really loved this poem. It reminds me a little of my past, so I could connect to it easily. I like how you begin with the words "There once was," as if this were a fairy tale you were telling. Those three words set the mood a little and make the rest easier to understand.
You asked for suggestions on punctuation, and I don't like the comma after "friends," in the second stanza. That's more of a personal thing, and if you're looking for true suggestions you should ask yourself because you're the author and you know best. I also think you could do without the comma after "love," because you're trying to build up to the climax here, and adding pauses takes away from that build up.
The third stanza has too many commas x3 If you just took one out, I think it would flow much better. Other than that, this is my favorite stanza. The word- by- cruel- word is absolutely stellar.
The rest of your piece is perfect. I loved the ending and how you presented it, although it is quite sad. You managed to envoke that sadness in me with words alone though, and that is quite powerful. Not everyone can do that.
Thank you for writing such a beautiful poem, I hope to see more by you soon!
Thank you so much for your critique! The punctuation bit was just what I was looking for -- you're right about just about all of it. I'm glad you can relate a little and felt emotion from it.
wow!
The best words were.. "word-by-cruel word". When it started with a good looking guy the reader presumes a 'cindrella ending' but the ending of your poem is your hero!
You can trim it to make it concise but other than that there is no problem...
Good writing! keep going!
Thank you for your comments and critiques. It means a lot to me that you like my poem.
Hi, justagirl! I must say, I was absolutely shocked by the ending of this poem. Bravo on that! The experiences in this seeped into the readers mind and at the end, the reader was wrong. The only flaw would have to be that it can drag forward in the middle of the passage. Everything else was smooth sailing.
Thank you for your comments and critiques. I understand about the dragging bit you said... It means a lot to me that you like my poem.
At the end of this poem, my mouth was literally drooping. Like this:
That is a sign that your poem was successful.
However, I read it again, and I looked more like this: :]
I love the first stanza, because as soon as I read it, I was hooked. The spirits, I wondered. How can that be?
This...it's beautiful. Wondrous. I thought, for a fleeting moment that the 'girl with resistance' would change him, and they would be happy together. But when I finished it....
D':
But I still love it. <333333333333
~Wonder
Thanks so much for your comments. I'm glad you could read into my poem. It seemed kind of sketchy to me when I posted it, haha.
Hi, this is Skyaejin!
I really liked the way you wrote this poem. The story or content is unlike any other poems I had previously read. The way you end it catches the reader's attention. It is not just a "happy ending."
You might want to take out some parts that seem to be unnecessary and seems to drag on.
Keep writing:)
Thank you for your critique and comments. I'll consider taking out some parts... I'm glad you think my work is unlike other pieces you've read -- that means a lot!