Hello hello! Happy RevMo! I apologize that I haven't read the previous installments of this, so I'll be looking at it as a part of a greater whole.
Overall, I liked this chapter. I thought you did a nice job of balancing kind of a jovial, fun tone with somewhat serious events. After the first paragraph I thought this was going to be kind of a silly piece (which is fine) but I was pleasantly surprised.
I thought the way you described the scene over a few paragraphs there in the beginning was super clever. It's really boring to read paragraphs describing what a room looks like, but I loved that we saw it through the MC's eyes as they were experiencing it. I liked the mysterious quality of it with that lighter tone that I already mentioned. I'm sure it would be a little less mysterious had I read the previous chapter and knew how this individual got to this room. But to me it felt like this MC was a little out of their element and didn't remember much of the surroundings, so I really liked how you showed us the room.
When they get to breakfast I thought the conversation and interactions with all of the characters was nice. You kept it simple and to the point while still showing their individual personalities.
The biggest thing I'm wondering if you could add is more of Julia's feelings as she moves through this scene, interacts with her environment and with her friends. I think you have great style, but I think you could slow down and give me more Julia. After all, this is her story (or at least her scene) right?
The ending felt a little abrupt, but you mentioned that this is only the first half of the chapter? If that's the case, I think you'll be fine. I think this could stand alone as a chapter because of that great cliff hanger at the end, but if it did stand alone you would need to beef up the plot a little more to make it clear how the plot is advancing. You start to get there at the end with the conversation about what they'll be doing, but it goes by so fast and then the chapter ends. I hope that's something that gets expanded on in the rest of the chapter, and if not, I think that's something I would expand because it seems to be the focal point and the most important part of the chapter. I want to really understand what the plan is and why they are going to do what they're going to do.
I could get super nit-picky about wording or about minor details, but that's not always the most productive way to use a review I feel like overall this is a pretty solid chapter or part of a chapter and I feel like I didn't give you a lot of suggestions, so if you want some nit-picks I can go back and do that! And please let me know if you have any questions or if anything I said was confusing!
Points: 32055
Reviews: 1162
Donate